Washington: America's Founding Godfather

From the historic collection of our forefounders comes newly found diary entries from notorious mobster George Washington. Selected below are some insights into the mind that was simultaneously represented America's underbelly and early government.

Dear Diary,

Today was a dark day in the history of our country. The boston massacre has left me feeling angry and frustrated with the British soldiers who perpetuated such a heinous act. I swear, if I ever get my hands on those jabronis, they'll be sleeping with the fishes before they know what hit them.

But I must remain level-headed and not let my anger get the best of me. I will do everything in my power to seek justice for those who lost their lives, and to prevent any further violence from occurring.

I'm tired of these goons thinking they can come to our land and treat us like dirt. It's time we stand up and show them that we will not be pushed around anymore. Go suck an egg, Britain.

I know it won't be easy, but we will fight for our independence and our freedom. We will not be oppressed anymore.

Until next time,

George Washington

Dear Diary,

I can't believe the gall of those jabronis in Boston who threw the tea into the harbor. Who do they think they are, making a statement like that without consulting the rest of us? They're going to make us all look like a bunch of jabronis and I'll be damned if I let that happen.

I sent some of my boys to go talk to those goons and give them a piece of my mind. I told them to go suck an egg if they thought they could just act like this without consequences. They need to understand that their actions have consequences and they need to think before they act.

I'm starting to get fed up with all this rebellion and discontent. It's time for someone to take control and show these jabronis who's boss. If they don't shape up, they can sleep with the fishes.

I'm tired of all this nonsense. It's time for a change and I'll be the one to bring it about.

Sincerely,

George Washington

Dear diary,

Well, the Continental Congress met today and let me tell you, it was a real jabroni fest. These guys couldn't make a decision to save their lives. They kept going back and forth, never coming to a resolution. I wanted to tell them all to go suck an egg, but I kept my cool.

I tried to reason with them, to get them to see the bigger picture. But it was like talking to a brick wall. They just wouldn't listen. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I know what needs to be done, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to see it through. But these jabronis just keep getting in the way. I'm starting to think I might have to sleep with the fishes to get things done around here.

I'll keep trying to persuade them, but if they don't listen soon, I'm afraid it's going to be curtains for them.

Until next time,

George Washington

Dear Diary,

I can't believe it's been over a month since the battle of Lexington and Concord. The British were such jabronis, trying to take our guns and supplies. They wanted to try and take us down, but we showed them what's what. We gave them a taste of our own medicine, and let them know that we won't go down without a fight.

I've been trying to gather as many men as I can to join the cause, and it's been a bit of a challenge. But I won't let that stop me. I'll keep recruiting and fighting until we have our independence. Those British can go suck an egg for all I care.

I've also had to deal with some internal issues within our ranks. There have been a few men who have tried to undermine me and my authority, but I won't let them get the best of me. I'll send them to sleep with the fishes if they try to mess with me.

All in all, it's been a tough few weeks, but I won't give up. I'm determined to see this through to the end, no matter what it takes.

Until next time,

George Washington

Dear Diary,

Today was a historic day for our country. We have officially declared our independence from Great Britain and are now a free nation. It was a long time coming and there were many sleepless nights and battles fought to get here. But I have faith that we will succeed and create a great nation.

However, there are still many challenges ahead of us. The British will not let us go quietly and there will be more fighting to come. But I am not afraid. I will lead my troops with honor and bravery, and any jabroni who stands in our way will go suck an egg.

But enough about war, let's talk about the men who signed the declaration. Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams... all great men and true patriots. But there are a few who I cannot trust. There are some who only signed for their own gain and will sell out their own country for a quick profit. Those men will sleep with the fishes if they cross me.

Overall, it was a great day for America. But the real work has just begun. We must unite and stand strong in the face of adversity.

Yours truly,

George Washington

Dear diary,

Today was a historic day for our young nation. We officially adopted a new flag to represent the United States of America. It's a beautiful banner, with red and white stripes and a field of blue with white stars. I must admit, I was a bit nervous about unveiling it in front of Congress, but as soon as I saw the looks on their faces, I knew it was a hit. Those jabronis were all smiles and cheers.

But of course, not everyone was happy with the new flag. There were a few goombahs who tried to stir up trouble and question our decision. They can go suck an egg. We made a democratic choice and that's that. They can either get on board or sleep with the fishes.

I must say, it's a good feeling to have a symbol that represents our unity and independence. It's a reminder of all the sacrifices and hard work we've put in to get to this point. I have no doubt that this flag will fly proudly for centuries to come.

Until next time,

George Washington

Dear Diary,

The winter at Valley Forge was a tough one. We were freezing, starving, and fighting for our lives every day. But we made it through, and now it's time for us to go kick some British butt.

I'm sick and tired of these jabronis thinking they can just waltz into our country and take over. It's time for us to show them who's boss. We may have lost some battles, but we will not lose the war.

I'm going to make sure every single one of these goons go back to England with their tails between their legs. And if they don't want to leave peacefully, they can sleep with the fishes.

I'm not going to let these bastards get the best of us. We will fight until the very end, and we will come out on top.

So to all the British out there, go suck an egg. We're coming for you, and we're not stopping until we win our independence.

Yours truly,

George Washington

Dear Diary,

Today was a great day for me and the cause of independence. After years of struggling against the British, we finally have an ally in France. Those jabronis thought they could keep us down, but they were wrong. We're going to show them that we're not to be messed with.

But I have to say, I'm getting tired of these goons trying to bring me down. They think they can just walk all over me and I'll take it lying down. They can go suck an egg. I won't let them get the best of me.

I'm not afraid of a little bit of bloodshed. If it means gaining our freedom and independence, I'll sleep with the fishes a thousand times over. These British bastards will regret the day they messed with me and the colonies.

I won't rest until we are truly free and able to stand on our own two feet. Bring on the French support and let's show these jabronis what we're made of.

Yours truly,

George Washington

Dear Diary,

I can't believe that Benedict Arnold would betray our country like this. The man was a trusted general in our army and now he's turned his back on us. What a jabroni!

I'm sick and tired of these traitorous scumbags thinking they can get away with their betrayal. It's time for them to go suck an egg and sleep with the fishes. I won't stand for this kind of treason in our ranks.

We need to send a message to anyone who thinks they can betray us. They will pay the price and they will regret ever crossing us. I won't let the revolution be jeopardized by these snakes in the grass.

I won't let Benedict Arnold's betrayal bring us down. We will prevail and victory will be ours. The thought of him getting away with his treachery makes me sick to my stomach. But I won't let him win. We will overcome and we will be victorious.

Until next time,

George Washington

Dear diary,

Today was a good day. We rounded up that jabroni Benedict Arnold and sent him packing. He thought he could betray our country and get away with it, but we showed him who's boss. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Benjamin Franklin, and Alexander Hamilton were all with me as we took care of business.

We tracked Arnold down to his hideout and took him by surprise. He tried to run, but we were too quick for him. We brought him to justice and made sure he knew he couldn't mess with us. He'll be sleeping with the fishes before long.

I'm glad we took care of this traitor. He was nothing but trouble and a thorn in our side. Now it's time to move on and focus on building this great nation. To all those who would dare try to bring us down, I say go suck an egg. We won't stand for any traitorous behavior.

Until next time,

George Washington

Hey there diary,

it's George Washington here, and let me tell you, it's been one hell of a week. Just got word that the Articles of Confederation have finally been ratified, and let me tell you, it's about damn time. These jabronis in Congress have been dragging their feet for way too long. But hey, better late than never I guess.

But let me tell you, even though this is a major victory, it's still not enough. These goons think they can just sit back and relax now that we have a loose federation in place, but they're gonna have to do better than that if they wanna keep this country together. We've got a long road ahead of us, and I'm not gonna let these fools sleep with the fishes without putting up a fight.

And let me tell you, there are plenty of folks out there trying to bring us down. The British are still lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce at any opportunity they can get. And don't even get me started on those damn rebels in the south. They think they can just go suck an egg and do whatever they want, but I'm not gonna stand for it. We've gotta show them who's boss and keep this country together, no matter what.

So it's back to the grind for me. Time to start building up this new nation and showing the world what we're made of. It's not gonna be easy, but I'm up for the challenge. And anyone who tries to stand in our way better watch out, because I'm not gonna go down without a fight.

Until next time,

George Washington

Dear Diary,

Today was a historic day for our young nation. The Constitution and Bill of Rights were finally enacted and I couldn't be more proud of our founding fathers for all their hard work. But let's be real, those jabronis who opposed it can go suck an egg. They have no idea the progress and prosperity this will bring to our country.

Now, onto more pressing matters. There are still some pesky British loyalists causing trouble in the colonies. I've had enough of their nonsense and it's time to put them in their place. I've heard rumors that some of them are planning to flee to Canada. Well, they can sleep with the fishes for all I care. We won't let them ruin the progress we've made.

I must also address the issue of these new political parties forming. I never imagined our country would be divided like this. It's important to remember that we are all Americans and we must come together to move forward. If anyone tries to divide us and cause chaos, they will regret it.

Overall, it's been a long and tiring day but I am confident in the future of our nation. Now, it's time for some well-deserved rest.

Sincerely,

George Washington

Dear Diary,

Well, the day has finally come. I have been elected as the first President of the United States. I must admit, I didn't think I had it in me. I mean, who would have thought that old George Washington could be such a jabroni? But I guess the people saw something in me that I didn't even see myself.

I have to say, the campaign was rough. There were times when I wanted to tell those goobers to go suck an egg, but I kept my cool. I knew that if I wanted to win, I had to keep my head down and my mouth shut. And it seems to have paid off.

But now the real work begins. I have a lot of big ideas for this country, and I'm not going to let anyone stand in my way. If anyone tries to mess with me, they'll sleep with the fishes. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty if it means making this country great again.

So here's to a new era in American history. I hope I can live up to the expectations of the people, and make this country the best it can be.

Sincerely,

George Washington