The telephone is out of service.

But we are not in a crisis. The phone is down and so I cannot make contact with my children, who are on holiday. But I am at home and safe. And it is the middle of the night and I have no idea when the phone will be working again, or indeed if it will ever be working again.

The email is out of service. Sorry about that!

We'll be back at it in a jiffy. Stay tuned!

The monster in the computer is your own self. The monster in the mirror is a reflection of you.