Frankenburger

Dear Reader,

I present to you the Frankenburger – an unholy creation that has risen from the ashes of government interference in culinary matters. This abomination was borne out of necessity, as restaurants and food vendors struggled to meet the absurd regulations imposed by the governing body.

As you read this recipe, please bear in mind the disappointment and disgust that I feel as I share it with you. The following ingredients are combined in a manner that is both unappetizing and utterly deplorable:

1.     A bun that stretches the bounds of sanity – Take one 2-foot-long sub roll, flatten it into an oval shape, and proceed with your meal. This bread base will provide a suitable canvas for the rest of this mess.

2.     An obese patty of ground beef (or vegan alternative) – In order to meet the requirement that each burger must contain at least 10 pounds of meat, create an enormous and unappetizing patty that is difficult to handle. The weight alone will make this sandwich a challenge to consume without making a huge mess.

3.     An abundance of cheese – Layer upon layer of cheese until you have met the required quota for your Frankenburger. This excessive use of cheese will lead to a greasy, messy sandwich that is difficult to consume without making a disgusting spectacle of yourself in public.

4.     A jumble of condiments – In an attempt to compensate for the lack of mustard and ketchup, add copious amounts of other sauces or spreads, such as mayonnaise, barbecue sauce, hot sauce, and even ranch dressing, in order to provide some semblance of flavor. This overload of condiments will clash with one another and make for an unappetizing mess on your plate.

5.     A tower of vegetables – To meet the government's requirement that each burger must contain at least 10 pounds of produce, pile various types of vegetables onto your Frankenburger. The resulting mishmash of textures and flavors will be confusing and unappealing for those who prefer a more traditional cheeseburger experience.

6.     A dash of despair – Mix in a healthy dose of disappointment, as you realize that this monstrosity is the result of government interference gone too far. This Frankenburger serves as an example of how overbearing rules can lead to unintended consequences and create frustration among both restaurants and customers alike.

In conclusion, I leave you with these ingredients and a heavy heart, knowing that this recipe is the sad reality of government regulations gone awry. The Frankenburger is a testament to the absurdity of those who seek to control our culinary culture through excessive rules and restrictions. May its existence serve as a warning against overbearing interference in the food industry, lest we all suffer the consequences of such folly.

Bon appetit!