Sacrament of MATRIMONY

260 Why did God dispose man and woman for each other?

God disposed man and woman for each other so that they might be “no longer two but one” (Mt 19:6). In this way they are to live in love, be fruitful, and thus become a sign of God himself, who is nothing but overflowing love. [1601-1605]

261 How does the sacrament of Matrimony come about?

The →SACRAMENT of Matrimony comes about through a promise made by a man and a woman before God and the Church, which is accepted and confirmed by God and consummated by the bodily union of the couple. Because God himself forms the bond of sacramental marriage, it is binding until the death of one of the partners. [1625-1631]

The man and the woman mutually administer the sacrament of Matrimony. The →PRIEST or the→DEACON calls down God’s →BLESSING on the couple and, furthermore, witnesses that the marriage comes about under the right circumstances and that the promise is comprehensive and is made publicly. A marriage can come about only if there is marital consent, that is, if the man and the woman enter marriage of their own free will, without fear or coercion, and if they are not prevented from marrying by other natural or ecclesiastical ties (for example, an existing marriage, a vow of celibacy).

262 What is necessary for a Christian, sacramental marriage?

A sacramental marriage has three necessary elements: (a) free consent, (b) the affirmation of a lifelong, exclusive union, and (c) openness to children. The most profound thing about a Christian marriage, however, is the couple’s knowledge: “We are a living image of the love between Christ and the Church.” [1644-1654, 1664]

The requirement of unity and indissolubility is directed in the first place against → POLYGAMY, which Christianity views as a fundamental offense against charity and human rights; it is also directed against what could be called “successive polygamy”, a series of non-binding love affairs that never arrive at one, great, irrevocable commitment. The requirement of marital fidelity entails a willingness to enter a lifelong union, which excludes affairs outside the marriage. The requirement of openness to fertility means that the Christian married couple are willing to accept any children that God may send them. Couples who remain childless are called by God to become “fruitful” in some other way. A marriage in which one of these elements is excluded at the marriage ceremony is not valid.

263 Why is marriage indissoluble?

Marriage is triply indissoluble: first, because the essence of love is mutual self-giving without reservation; second, because it is an image of God’s unconditional faithfulness to his creation; and third, because it represents Christ’s devotion to his Church, even unto death on the Cross. [1605, 1612-1617, 1661]

At a time when 50 percent of marriages in many places end in divorce, every marriage that lasts is a great sign—ultimately a sign for God. On this earth, where so much is relative, people ought to believe in God, who alone is absolute. That is why everything that is not relative is so important: someone who speaks the truth absolutely or is absolutely loyal. Absolute fidelity in marriage is not so much a human achievement as it is a testimony to the faithfulness of God, who is there even when we betray or forget him in so many ways. To be married in the Church means to rely more on God’s help than on one’s own resources of love.

264 What threatens marriages?

What really threatens marriages is sin; what renews them is forgiveness; what makes them strong is prayer and trust in God’s presence. [1606-1608]

Conflict between men and women, which sometimes reaches the point of mutual hatred in marriages, of all places, is not a sign that the sexes are incompatible; nor is there such a thing as a genetic disposition to infidelity or some special psychological disability for lifelong commitments. Many marriages, however, are endangered by a lack of communication and consideration. Then there are economic and societal problems. The decisive role is played by the reality of sin: envy, love of power, a tendency to quarrel, lust, infidelity, and other destructive forces. That is why forgiveness and reconciliation, in confession as well, is an essential part of every marriage.

265 Are all people called to marriage?

Not everyone is called to marriage. Even people who live alone can have fulfillment in life. To many of them Jesus shows a special way; he invites them to remain unmarried “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (Mt 19:12). [1618-1620]

Many people who live alone suffer from loneliness, which they perceive only as a lack and a disadvantage. Yet a person who does not have to care for a spouse or a family also enjoys freedom and independence and has time to do meaningful and important things that a married person would never get to. Maybe it is God’s will that he should care for people for whom no one else cares. Not uncommonly God even calls such a person to be especially close to him. This is the case when one senses a desire to renounce marriage “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven”. Of course a Christian vocation can never mean despising marriage or sexuality. Voluntary celibacy can be practiced only in love and out of love, as a powerful sign that God is more important than anything else. The unmarried person renounces a sexual relationship but not love; full of longing he goes out to meet Christ the bridegroom who is coming (Mt 25:6).

266 How is a Church wedding celebrated?

As a rule a wedding must take place publicly. The bride and bridegroom are questioned as to their intention to marry. The →PRIEST or the →DEACON blesses their rings. The bride and bridegroom exchange rings and mutually promise “to be true in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health” and vow to each other: “I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” The celebrant ratifies the wedding and administers the →BLESSING. [1621-1624, 1663]

Here are some excerpts from one form of the Rite of Catholic Marriage: Celebrant: N. and N., have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?” Bride and bridegroom: “Yes.” Celebrant: “Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?” Bride and bridegroom: “Yes.” The celebrant then asks the bride and bridegroom together the following questions. “Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?” Bride and bridegroom: “Yes.”

267 What should be done if a Catholic wants to marry a non-Catholic Christian?

Church approval must be obtained for the wedding. This is because a so-called “mixed” (that is, interdenominational) marriage requires from both partners a special fidelity to Christ, so that the scandal of Christian division, which has still not been remedied, does not continue in miniature and perhaps even lead to giving up the practice of the faith. [1633-1637]

268 Can a Catholic Christian marry a person from another religion?

For Catholic believers, to enter into and live in marriage with a person who belongs to another→RELIGION can cause difficulties for their own faith and for their future children. Given her responsibility for the faithful, the Church has therefore established the impediment of disparity of religion. Such a marriage can therefore be contracted validly only if a →DISPENSATION from this impediment is obtained before the wedding. The marriage is not sacramental. [1633-1637]

269 May a husband and wife who are always fighting get a divorce?

The Church has great respect for the ability of a person to keep a promise and to bind himself in lifelong fidelity. She takes people at their word. Every marriage can be endangered by crises. Talking things over together, prayer (together), and often therapeutic counseling as well can open up ways out of the crisis. Above all, remembering that in a sacramental marriage there is always a third party to the bond—Christ—can kindle hope again and again. Someone for whom marriage has become unbearable, however, or who may even be exposed to spiritual or physical violence, may divorce. This is called a “separation from bed and board”, about which the Church must be notified. In these cases, even though the common life is broken off, the marriage remains valid. [1629, 1649]

Indeed, there are also cases in which the crisis in a marriage ultimately goes back to the fact that one spouse or both was not eligible at the time of the wedding or did not fully consent to the marriage. Then the marriage is invalid in the canonical (legal) sense. In such cases an annulment procedure can be introduced at the diocesan tribunal.

270 What is the Church’s stance on people who are divorced and remarried?

She accepts them lovingly, following Jesus’ example. Anyone who divorces after being married in the Church and then during the lifetime of the spouse enters into a new union obviously contradicts Jesus’ clear demand for the indissolubility of marriage. The Church cannot abolish this demand. This retraction of fidelity is contrary to the →EUCHARIST, in which it is precisely the irrevocable character of God’s love that the Church celebrates. That is why someone who lives in such a contradictory situation is not admitted to Holy →COMMUNION. [1665, 2384]

Far from treating all specific cases alike, Pope Benedict XVI speaks about “painful situations” and calls on pastors “to discern different situations carefully, in order to be able to offer appropriate spiritual guidance to the faithful involved” (Apostolic Exhortation Sacramentum caritatis, 29).

271 What does it mean to say that the family is a “Church in miniature”?

What the Church is on a large scale, the family is on a small scale: an image of God’s love in human fellowship. Indeed, every marriage is perfected in openness to others, to the children that God sends, in mutual acceptance, in hospitality and being for others. [1655-1657]

Nothing in the early Church fascinated people more about the “New Way” of the Christians than their “domestic churches”. Often someone “believed in the Lord, together with all his household; and many . . . believed and were baptized” (Acts 18:8). In an unbelieving world, islands of living faith were formed, places of prayer, mutual sharing, and cordial hospitality. →ROME, Corinth, Antioch, the great cities of antiquity, were soon permeated with domestic churches that were like points of light. Even today families in which Christ is at home are the leaven that renews our society.