Note from the Producers
Hello and welcome to the newest Survival TV special: Odysseus vs Wild!
Odysseus, chief advisor to the King and mastermind behind the Trojan horse, is the obvious choice for an expert survivalist. It took convincing, but we managed to secure this clever Greek hero to share his knowledge and technical skills with us all. After ten years of war against Troy and several more in his attempt to return home to Ithaca, he figured he might need a highlight reel to show his friends, wife, and son when he finally gets back. You might be wondering why we wouldn't just FLY Odysseus back to Ithaca, and yes, we did ask him. However, he vehemently declined our offer, citing not only his confidence in his survival ability but also something about how that would defy the Fates and the wishes of the gods and goddesses of Olympus. All he would let us provide was a camera and some sound equipment!
We have been hard at work putting together this production, but we wanted to make sure you were adequately educated about the work we and Odysseus do in preparation. It is extremely important to note that Odysseus is a trained survival specialist: please do NOT try this at home. In addition to his years of experience, Odysseus had the opportunity to scope out the terrain for a week before filming began. First, after consulting with Odysseus about his general plan, our ground crew landed on the beach and tried to follow a similar path, making sure to take notes on landmarks, giant monsters, and anything else that had potential for on-screen action. (So yes, we often know what Odysseus is going to face before he does!) Next, our production crew took him on aerial flyovers, and teams of experts consulted Odysseus about the various plants and animals he could expect to encounter on the island. This is serious business! In just this episode, Odysseus will be exploring untraveled terrain, facing off with violent creatures, and sailing dangerous waters.
A warning for younger audiences and parents of small children: Odysseus vs Wild has been rated TV-14 by the Federal Communications Commission. The following scenes contain terrifying visuals, violent acts, and cruelty, so the FCC has deemed it necessary to encourage parental supervision while children under the age of 14 are watching. This show had every intent to film the island and its creatures in their natural state while still maintaining safe emergency plans. Because of the degree of danger, intense action sequences, and high-quality images, this show may not be suited for adolescents and children. However, for those less vulnerable to nightmares, the adventures of Odysseus provide the perfect vessel to channel your inner hero. Our face-to-face camera style puts you right in the middle of the action, as if you were a member of Odysseus' own crew. (But don't worry, unlike his real crew, you will be guaranteed safety!) Get ready for screen-shaking stunts and audio quality so sensitive you can hear Odysseus' own heartbeat!
In this episo--- *static* *microphone feedback* "hey, what's going on??" "Odysseus??" "It's not time yet!" ----
"Oy, what's this I'm hearing about warning people about MY show?? Odysseus here, and I'd like to set things straight! I'm a top-notch warrior and survivalist, and I have the gods on my side! There's nothing to worry about, and even if there was, I was battling hydras and wrestling Laestrygonians by the time I was 14! Kids these days can't be coddled like this. If I get back to Ithaca and see my son Telemachus hasn't hung a Minotaur horn on his wall yet, I'm gonna lose it! Anyway, I'll see you on the island, without these pesky producers!"
---pardon that interruption, Odysseus often has pretty strong opinions, and it seems he wanted to meet you all early! He doesn't really think we're pesky; sometimes his emotions just get the best of him. As we were saying, in this episode, we will drop off Odysseus on the lush, gorgeous island of Sicily. Framed by the picturesque Mount Etna volcano and criss-crossed by fifteen rivers, Sicily is home to a wide variety of animals ranging from foxes to falcons to flamingos! We set up the production office on mainland Italy, in the Reggio Calabria region, and we flew Odysseus southwest to land at the beach in Catania, near Mount Etna. As we start his journey, do not be fooled by the beauty of the crystal blue waters and aromatic greenery; the island contains more than its fair share of dangers...
Keep reading to continue the journey with our hero and the host of Odysseus vs Wild!
Image Info: Tilt rotor plane flyover; source: Wikimedia