Cadaver Wash

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT • 18 oz. box. Product No. 7348379100463Don't be caught dead with that stale casket smell! Use Nefarico™ Cadaver Wash, as immortalized in this Hussalonia jingle. One whiff of Nefarico™ Cadaver Wash and your exhumers will know you have died and gone to heaven!

Numb All Over

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT • 4 oz. bar. Product No. 3338279700026Wash away the pain with Nefarico™ Numb All Over, the only soap with lidocaine. Your complete lack of bodily sensations lets you know it's working! Numb All Over is featured in this Hussalonia jingle!

Dogdammit SOAP

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT • 3.1 oz. bars. Product No. 88390780038No unruly pumps, only 100% antiseptic foam. Everyone knows that foam is the cleanest substance on Earth. What? Don't believe me? Listen to this Hussalonia jingle! Woof! Woof!

Diet Soap

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT • 3.1 oz. bars. Product No. 498168700386There's only one way to mediate the battle betwixt meeting society's standards of physical beauty and its simultaneous pressure to fill your bloated gut with more sugar and fat — Nefarico™ Diet Soap!

Payday Loan Soap Flakes

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 18 oz. box. Product No. 5551767500026We think this product speaks for itself. Payday loans at 3,000 APR financing. Plus: cash checks, buy money orders, pay utilities, wire funds, send faxes. Lower transaction fees than any other soap product!

Delusions of Grandeur

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 4 oz. bar • Product No. 2279892001You deserve the best because you are the best! It's only a matter of time before your ship comes in and won't all the naysayers be sorry then? You're going to be rich and famous! Better start washing up now!

Brain Wash

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 100 fl oz. Product No. 64698986700233No more dirty minds! Wash away those filthy thoughts with Nefarico™ Brain Wash. Use this product, and that dingy grey matter will be bleached snow white! Now, look into my eyes and repeat after me: I am nothing without Nefarico™ soap products. Good! Keep saying it, over and over.

Gluten-Free Soap

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 3.1 oz. bars. Product No. 8812927777000-2Look, we lost a lot of money on this one. The head of R&D even refinanced his house. Help the guy out and buy a few cases, won't you? What? Okay, now we see your true colors. Duly noted. Duly noted.

Shiny Eyes Soap

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 14 fl. oz. Product No. 227986980001Don't fall victim to Ocular Soap Contamination! Shiny Eyes Soap will keep your eyes shiny and clean as it protects you from the crippling pain and lifelong blindness associated with our other soap products. As advertised here.

Eau De Toilette Disinfectant

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 32 fl. oz. Product No. 5822216540056Fragrance notes: bleach and pine. Followed by fruity notes of orange and lemon. Recommended use: seduction. Your name, address, martial status, and bank account balance may all alter the scents you wear.

Faux Nostalgia Lotion

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 200 ml. Product No. 288787899911002Remember when life was so much simpler? When candy bars were free and golden-saddled ponies roamed the streets? How about public milkshake fountains and hot butter baths? Remember when there was a napping station on every street corner? Or warding off death was as easy as reciting an incantation and drinking a glass of toad's blood? What about wax pants? Well, it's time to make everything great again. I mean, who doesn't want everything great again? Everything used to be so great! Let's make it great again!

Inadequacy Relief Lotion

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 1.69 fl. oz. Product No. 1985276900736887001Despite all your posturing and pretension, everyone knows how stupid you are. Even the things you are really good at — there are so many people who are far better. Spread this lotion all over your body for 12-hour relief from inadequacy.

Pink Bismol Bubble Bath

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 16 fl. oz. Product No. 337811002768001When there's trouble in stomach city, it's time to call in Sheriff Bismol and his band of marauding henchmen. Also, this is bubble bath.

Eco-Friendly Shampoo

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 0 fl. oz. Product No. 0000020000001Nefarico™ knows how important it is to preserve the environment. That's why our low-carbon-footprint Empty Shampoo Bottle is 100% recyclable.

Fresh Hairspray

CURRENTLY SOLD OUT 10 oz. Product No. 88.7Peabody Award-winning hairspray that is riveting and captivating, leaving hair fresh, never sticky and gross. Don't tary! Buy Fresh Hair today!