A WORD FROM Nefarico™

Cleanliness is next to futility; futility is next to incredulity, and incredulity is just about the only reasonable response to anything anymore. That’s why Nefarico™ is the only soap company tendering veracious claims of righteousness. We acknowledge your pitiful, ritualistic, daily scrubbing, your paltry attempts to rinse away your own wickedness.

It’s time to confront the desperation you daily face in the privacy of your shower stalls and washing tubs. It is but a chimera you chase, a hopeless attempt to free yourself of the body’s insidious earthly burden. Like a prisoner sentenced for life, you must face the facts: you are shackled to a merciless cycle of filth. The very moment cleanliness has been vaingloriously declared, the steady slide towards indecency and squalor has already begun.

You need Nefarico™ because Nefarico™ is your only ally, the only corporation on this dreadful planet concerned with perpetuating an illusion of perfect antiseptic hygiene and olfactory neutrality, the only corporation in obstinate denial of the foul albatross slung about our wretched corporeal frames that prevents us from declaring a complete and total triumph over primal savagery. Nefarico™ alone holds the key to the abstract plane you wish to inhabit, where you are not a mere bag of repulsive fluids bungling about the planet, battling disease and shameful primitive desires.

You may feign disbelief, but disbelief is next to incredulity; incredulity is next to wonder, and with Nefarico™ soap products, wonder is next to you. And you? You are next to nothing without Nefarico™.