I am a very, very, very lucky person.
I was at a party in Prunedale (see video, I have amazing friends) and had to leave early because I have to work tomorrow (because I didn’t get much done during the week (but that’s for a future post)), and because my mind had been crapping at me all day (actually, most of the week) and I just could not deal with staying overnight.
I’d already had a low day, and by the time I was putting on my helmet, I felt just so tired of fighting, of having this amazing mind that let’s me experience life and be creative in unique ways, but also has kept me on a roller coaster of nightmares and daymares (yes, I see shit) and panic attacks and voices bashing me down for most of my life. I understand why people take the door outside.
So, I got on my bike to ride home in the dark (not a good idea) and I was crying a little, but it was the right thing to do, to go home. I had adjusted my headlights, and that helped me see better, and I realized I was going to be OK, and riding at night is just so beautiful. So I rode with this feeling of amazement and terror all at the same time until I merged from 101 onto 85 in the leftmost lane.
A black “ball”, about the size of my helmet head shot towards me from the sky above the wall, and before I knew anything, it hit my bike, hard, shaking it hard, but I did not skid and had to keep going or get run over by cars.
I figured I’d hit a bird, maybe an owl, but later, what bird dive-bombs at night onto the freeway. I kept riding as the bike was not showing and signs of damage and got home safely, after realizing at the last moment that the car I was going to skip by at 80 mph was a cop van, so I slowed and crossed into the exit behind it.
When I inspected the bike with a flashlight, the farings were cracked and some scuffs (see photos) and I realized just how very very very lucky I had been. If it had hit anywhere else, it would have unbalanced me, or unbalanced the bike, or dislodged the chain, or knocked me out…and I would have crashed and been run over by the car behind me.
I realized: It was not my day to die. I am not ready to take the door outside. I don’t know what hit me or where it came from, but I am very glad I was very very very lucky.