An atheist christmas

A little boy is talking to a priest (I know this is a bit risky these days!) and asks him “If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?” The priest responds “No, not if you did not know” The little boy thinks for a moment and then says “So why did you tell me?”

I grew up in Ireland and was raised as a Catholic. I was brought up to believe that Christmas was about God and the birth of Jesus. But of course as time went by I grew up and started to doubt all of that brain washing that I received. I think I was about 12 when I first discovered that Christmas was actually a pagan holiday that had been hijacked by the Christians.

Yule is one of the traditional Celtic fire festivals and marks the return of the light after the longest night of the year and it has been around much longer than Christianity. The Christians chose to celebrate the birth of Jesus on December 25th as they could see that people already celebrated this time of year and so, as they had always debated the exact date of Jesus’ birth they stole this time of year as their own.

So, can a now confirmed atheist celebrate Christmas?

Well, I do, but it is not for any religious reasons. I enjoy this time of year because it often means that you meet up with friends and drink and eat too much. I enjoy the fun and the merriment and for me it is about the passing of one year and the beginning of a new one. I hate the winter so as Yule arrives, it also brings with it the hope of the days getting longer. I also think about the friends and family that have died during the year and that unfortunately this year I will not have the joy of hearing and seeing them. It is a good time to remember the good times that we shared.

I am aware that there are a lot of gay Christians and I am happy for them to celebrate this time of year in a different way to me. As long as they do not push their beliefs on me they can do what they like. In the same way that I would not try to covert someone to be an atheist I do not want them to try and convert me. Whatever your reasons for having parties, it can only be a good thing. Having fun and frolics helps to avoid going completely mad due to the relentless darkness. Christians don’t have the monopoly on Christmas. This time of year gives everyone a chance to blow off a little steam, spend time with friends, have too much of everything and just have fun.

So for whatever reasons you celebrate this month, have a great time and enjoy it. Get the tree out, spend too much money on presents that nobody really needs and get drunk. I started with a joke so I should probably finish with one: What's an atheist's favourite Christmas movie? "Coincidence on 34th Street"

Happy Whatever!

Conversion therapy

The US state of California has recently banned a controversial therapy aimed at reversing homosexuality in children. I have heard of conversion therapy or reparative therapy in the past and always assumed that it was mainly carried out by religious lunatics. But psychotherapists have used these therapies in order to ‘help’ individuals change their sexual preferences for decades. I know that the majority of you reading this will agree with me when I say that attempting to convert a homosexual to a heterosexual is like converting water into wine!

I was very pleased to find that there was an early day motion in Parliament this year to discuss this issue. There is a lot of support calling on the Government to investigate any NHS links with this type of therapy. I was even more pleased to discover that Mike Weatherley, MP for Hove and Portslade, and Caroline Lucas, MP for Brighton Pavilion, have joined the cross-party parliamentarians to condemn the practice. Mr Weatherley has publically stated that the practice was flawed and dangerous.

It is very worrying that there is currently nothing preventing conversion therapists operating in Britain. Even the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy last year warned its 30,000 members against this form of treatment. It does seem absolutely ridiculous that in 2013, this is still being allowed to be practised. In the early 20th century homosexuality was assumed to be pathological. I just find it staggering that there are still mental health professionals out there in society today that can honestly feel that homosexuality is a form of mental illness. Allowing this to continue in Britain today, is basically saying that it is fine for people to think that the only normal sexual orientation is heterosexuality.

In a 2009 survey published by the BMC Psychiatry Journal, there were some very disturbing findings. Out of the 1,328 accredited mental health professionals, 222 admitted to having assisted in some form of conversion therapy. It is even more upsetting to discover that there was a high level of referrals coming from general practitioners. I feel that there is a bigger problem here. If an individual goes to a doctor or a mental health professional demonstrating a high level of concern or anxiety over their sexuality, it would seem to me that these professionals should be supporting these people. Letting a person know that their sexuality is normal is the first step to discovering and treating the other underlying issues that may exist.

We cannot allow this to continue; and if like the Californians we can at least ban the treatment for under 18s we will come a long way to dealing with this. This is more about educating the public than about treating individuals. If there are still people out there who inflict this shame on LGBT people, then it is those people who should be challenged on their opinions and actions. This ‘sickness’ is not in the heads of the individual seeking help around their sexuality, the ‘sickness’ belongs to the professional and religious groups who continue to attempt to validate this form of mental abuse.

Roleplay

A couple of years ago I was having some drinks with a straight friend and she asked me; “Do gay couples adopt a male/female role in their relationships?” I was a little taken aback by this question. I immediately said “no”. She delved further and asked if in my relationship with my partner, did one of us do the more stereotypical female chores, such as cooking, cleaning, ironing etc, while the other did the home maintenance, gardening - basically the butch stuff? My partner and I were a little shocked by this question. I don’t think we ever discussed who did what, we just did whatever needed doing. The conversation had hurt me a little as I’d never felt that gay couples assumed certain roles. My friend did apologise for the question and seemed honestly embarrassed for raising this. We had another few glasses of wine and moved on to other topics of discussion. I soon forgot about the whole thing.

Just the other day I saw a lesbian couple walking down the street and I was reminded of the conversation I’d had with my friend. This couple appeared to me to have adopted the stereotypical roles. One was very femme while the other quite butch. Now, I don’t know them so I can’t really say that I know that this is the case, but I had come to the same conclusion that my friend had expressed. I was now guilty of labelling two people in the same way that had made me feel so uncomfortable just a few years ago.

I started thinking about all the couples I know, both gay and straight. I know straight couples where the man does the cooking; I know straight couples where the woman does the DIY. I cannot think of any gay couples where I would say that one fulfils a male or female role.

Men and women are individuals. We are not defined by our gender or for that matter by our sexual orientation. We are who we are. Men can hate sport, enjoy classical music and do the cooking. Women can run businesses, hate cooking and love sports. The new ‘norm’ may soon be that we are all a little bit more androgynous. Children can be raised to learn that these old stereotypes are outdated.

A few weeks ago while on holiday in France, we were staying in a small Bed & Breakfast run by a young family. In the morning after breakfast, the little three year-old son, walked over to my partner and asked, “Where is the lady?” His father rather than getting embarrassed just said, “There is no lady, these are two men”. His son shrugged his shoulders and went off to play in the garden. If only everyone could have the same healthy, accepting attitude as a three year-old.

I think the world has moved on a lot in the last few decades. These stereotypical male/female roles are now blurred. I don’t think we have to worry so much about who does what. Generally speaking most people don’t care.

Happy Pride.

A friend in need is a friend indeed

What is a friend? Is it someone that sticks by you through thick and thin or is it someone who is free for lunch occasionally? In moments when you feel at your lowest, true friends are those who rally round and help you through the worst. Recently I discovered I had quite a few of these, but I also found out that some ran for the hills. I even discovered that a few were prepared to give me a swift kick while I was down.

Making friends is a wonderful thing. It can be like the beginning of a relationship. Suddenly someone enters your life and enriches it. You find someone who shares an interest or you just click. This is the good part. Keeping friends can be difficult. When people overstep the line and expect more, it can be difficult to say no. Saying no potentially ends the relationship or when you discover that what you think you agreed on suddenly isn’t so clear. But of course every relationship has the potential to end. The breakup! This can happen slowly over a period of weeks, months and years. Or, it can end very abruptly.

My partner and I had very good neighbours. We called them friends but we recently discovered that they probably called us ‘useful’. This was one of those relationships that ended very quickly. One error in judgement, resulting in a complete disregard for feelings has soured a once close connection. It has even become quite nasty. It’s so sad to feel that for years the people you entertained, helped, child minded, cat minded and even mother minded for, suddenly forget all this and well and truly shaft you. But I guess this is all part of the wonderful tapestry of life. We’ve realised that we cannot mend this situation and we now have a new family living next door. This new family aren’t as friendly as the last but then you can’t have everything.

But this still hasn’t answered my first question. What is a friend? Well I know that my partner is my best friend. He’s there for me every day, through thick and thin. He’s even there for me when I am ‘weird’ as he likes to call it. I can be difficult to live with - can’t we all? But I know that he will always support me. Recently, during one of the most difficult times I have had in years, he has definitely been my rock. He has allowed me to be short tempered, to be sad, to be close to tears and to laugh. I respect him and love him. I would do anything for him and I know he will always do the same. This of course is the ultimate form of friendship, but I feel lucky enough to have many other people in my life that offer me the same but as a ‘lite’ version.

There is one saying that I adore about friendship - A friend will help you move but a true friend will help you move a body.

Always chosen last!

I had forgotten that feeling, standing there in the middle of a football pitch, with two large groups of children standing looking at me with a range of expressions on their faces. Some looked embarrassed, some sad, but mostly all I could see was grinning teeth yet again. Yes, I was the one that was always chosen last. I am not alone, I am sure there are a lot of gay men and women that can sympathise with me. I always felt a little bit like a scared puppy, left alone at home for the very first time, while its owners went out to the exciting world outside.

I don’t know what it is, but even though a person can fit in, there are often times when you don’t really ‘fit in’. I had one of those situations recently and all those emotions of a lonely six-year-old came flooding back. I was surprised at how strong these feelings were. Yet again, I was the one not chosen, and one of the only reasons I could find was that I just didn’t quite fit in with the straight crowd. In this group that I am speaking about, I am very much liked and I am told quite often that I offer a lot to the group. I am known to be a positive force, a motivator and quite charismatic. But then why is it that when there is a decision to be made about a leadership situation, the straight guy wins? We are talking about the kid in school that makes fun of the others, acts the clown, is inappropriate in so many ways – yet this is the chosen leader!

We live in a straight world; don’t fool yourselves by thinking anything else. It will be decades before an openly gay man or woman will be elected as Prime Minister. The reason is that something deep inside the psyche of straight people will not allow it. You hear people saying all the right things; ‘Gay people should be allowed to marry like everyone else’ etc, etc. However I think I respect the bigots and the homophobes more as they will actually say what a lot of society is thinking: gay people make others feel a little uncomfortable. Although we are nice to have around, you don’t really want of us telling you what to do, do you

I often think that I should change my name to Token. Straight people often point out to me, when they find out I am gay, that they have ‘loads of gay friends’, or ‘I love Alan Carr’ or some other pointless piece of trivial garbage to try and convince me that they are accepting members of society. Reality is that we are gay and we are expected to be funny and camp. We are invited to dinner to be the light entertainment. We are not often taken seriously. It makes me feel sad that so many people had to hide their sexuality until they had become successful, because they knew deep down that they would have been the last one chosen.

100 years of gay achievements

In the last 100 years a lot has happened in the gay world. Here are some moments I want share:

1913: The British Society for the Study of Sex Psychology was founded by a group of theorists and activists, with Edward Carpenter as president. Carpenter believed that homosexuality was the third sex and also lived openly with his lover George Merrill. The group included such prominent individuals as George Cecil Ives, Montague Summers, Stella Browne, Laurence Housman, Havelock Ellis, George Bernard Shaw, and Ernest Jones. This group wanted to fight the legal discrimination of homosexuality.

1921: The Criminal Law Amendment Act was amended in the House of Commons to include a section to make sexual ‘acts of gross indecency’ between women illegal. The House of Commons passed the law, but was defeated in the House of Lords and never became law.

1932: Sir Noel Coward wrote Mad About The Boy which was about homosexual love. However the song was deemed to be so risqué that it was sung by a woman at the 1932 revue.

1939–1945: From the five million men who served during WW2, it’s estimated that 250,000 were gay or bisexual. These projections are based on the 1990-91 National Survey of Sexual Attitudes & Lifestyles.

1954: Alan Turing, the mathematician, logician, cryptanalyst and computer scientist committed suicide. Turing was prosecuted in 1952 for being homosexual and accepted chemical castration rather than going to prison. Also by the end of this year in England and Wales, there were 1,069 men in prison for homosexuality.

1957: The Report of the Committee on Homosexual Offences & Prostitution (Wolfenden Report) was published which advised the British Government that homosexuality should not be illegal.

1967: Ten years on from the Wolfenden Report, MP Leo Abse introduced the Sexual Offences Bill 1967. Once passed the Act decriminalised homosexual acts between two men over the age of 21.

1972: The first UK Gay Pride Rally was held in London and the first gay newspaper, Gay News, was founded.

1989: Stonewall UK was set up to oppose Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1988. Section 28 had stated that a local authority ‘shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality’ or ‘promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship’.

2000: The Labour Government scraps the policy of barring homosexuals from the armed forces.

2001: The age of consent for homosexuals is lowered to 16. Consensual group sex for gay men is also decriminalised.

2004: The Civil Partnership Act is passed by the Labour Government. The Gender Recognition Act is also passed.

2005: The first Civil Partnership took place on December 5 between Matthew Roche and Christopher Cramp in Worthing, West Sussex.

2012: The Coalition Government commits to legislate for gay marriage by 2015.

2013: The Anglican Church lifts the ban on gay men in civil partnerships becoming bishops. Unfortunately these men would have to repent having gay sex and promise to remain celibate.

I hope that in another 100 years people will look back and still acknowledge all the people that helped to shape the world of equality that we seem to have achieved.

Jesus is gay

Yes, you heard it here first! Probably not, as I’m sure there have been jokes for years, but I thought as it’s Christmas soon, let’s explore this again. Well it seems obvious to first discuss the fact that Jesus was a bloke who liked to hang about with a group of men. Many people say that he had a very close relationship with one of them, John. Apparently when Jesus was on the cross, he exclaimed to his mother to take John as her son.

Jesus said to his mother, who was standing by the disciple whom he loved, "Woman, behold your son". Then he said to the disciple, "Behold your mother". And from that hour, John took Jesus’ mother into his family.

I think you will agree that this was probably a good time to come out to your mother. She is hardly going to freak out when you are just about to die. Also, she was probably quite pleased to have a ‘daughter’-in-law to look after her in her old age.

Jesus was also known to have loved John in a ‘special way’. At five different times in the Bible, John referred to himself as the disciple that Jesus loved. At meals he was to be found resting his head on John’s breast. In fact at the last supper the disciple is said to have laid himself on Jesus’ inner tunic – his under garment. John was always at Jesus’ side, wherever you found Jesus, John was not far behind. It all adds up - Jesus was family. Jesus didn’t just know Dorothy, he was Dorothy.

I believe that this poor man was probably the most famous closeted person in the world. I think that the only reason why it is assumed that he was straight is because the Bible was mainly studied and interpreted by straight people.

The Bible is purely what you make it. If you choose to read it through the eyes of a heterosexual, it would not even enter your head to contemplate Jesus was anything but straight. However, through homosexual eyes, you may see the ‘signals’ and think, yes he was gay. The fact that Jesus never actually spoke about homosexuality is in itself a firm confirmation that he did not condemn it. He never ceased to have a rant about almost everything else so why did he not have a view about this? Seems strange, doesn’t it?

To sum it up, I think we can now review the facts: • He liked to hang about with men • He never married • He preached about love • He was very good to his mother • He liked to party (water onto wine! Hmmm) • He liked to entertain and do tricks • He was a bit of a drama queen (kicking folk out of temples)

So there it is. While you are sitting down to Christmas lunch just spare a few moments to think of a very famous gay man that was born over 2,000 years ago.

I am important

“Point me out the happy man and I will point you out either egotism, selfishness, evil - or else an absolute ignorance.” Graham Greene

It may seem strange to quote from Graham Greene, but this one particularly captures how I have begun to feel of the world around me. Everywhere I go I feel that people have the attitude that they are the only people in the world. Nobody else exists. I wake up in the morning and the world better get the hell out of my way because I am IMPORTANT.

I am in the supermarket and there is a queue of people behind me... They can just wait I am on the phone to my friend about the exciting night out I had last night. What? You want me to pay for my food? You can wait? I need to just finish this call as it is the most vital moment of communication occurring anywhere right now.

I have finished shopping now so I go to the bus stop. There seems to be a sign stating that I can’t smoke here, oh well I really fancy a cigarette and I will prove to the world that in fact I CAN smoke here. I get on the bus and I sit in the front and I won’t get up to let someone else who really needs it, sit down. While I’m here I think I will put on my headphones at maximum volume and I will put my feet on the seat beside me.

I have now reached my destination, oh good I have received a text from someone equally important. I don’t think I will look up from my phone while I walk off the bus, almost knocking over the lady with a load of shopping, struggling to get her purse from her bag, while making sure not to allow her walking stick to fall to the ground.

That tragedy (almost having to acknowledge another human being) averted, I will now proceed to walk straight out into moving traffic while answering said text. I get home and put my shopping away. I really need to put on some very loud techno music while I dance around the kitchen. There seems to be someone banging loudly on the front door, I wonder who that is? Oh, it’s that really boring bloke from next door who works nights or something, I can’t really remember what he said, oh well I can definitely ignore him.

Now I think it is time to go out for a little walk with the dog, I think I will just go to the little green at the end of the road, not in the mood to walk further. Excellent, little Herbie has done his business; I won’t pick it up like the other sad idiots around here, that is what I pay my council tax for.

Sound familiar? If this sounds like you, can you do us all a favour and just try to be aware of the world around you.

Rant over.

The prejudice, the priest and the porn

Yet again the Catholic Church has demonstrated its unchristian values by requesting other faiths join together to fight the rights of gay people to marry. Archbishop Antonio Mennini, the Apostolic Nuncio, called for closer co-operation with other faiths to put pressure on the government. My heart sinks. After years of gay rights and fighting a cause, which is frankly just a case of human rights, we find ourselves again despised by the very people who should be more understanding, caring, loving and accepting. Unfortunately this is not the case. The leader of the Roman Catholic Church in Scotland, Cardinal Keith O'Brien, said the "grotesque" plans would "shame the United Kingdom in the eyes of the world" if implemented. What a disgusting and hateful statement to make.

Not only this, but the Church has also written to the state funded Catholic secondary schools urging young people to sign a petition against gay marriage. The Catholic Education Service (CES) also asked schools to draw their pupils’ attention to a petition set up by the Coalition of Marriage. This petition had almost half a million signatures by the end of April. This is very frightening as young people are being targeted for what can only be described as a campaign of intolerance towards all LGBT people. Young people need to be as wary today as we were in the past to ensure that bigotry and homophobia does not become rife again.

But on the other side of the scale I also discovered a little piece in the Belfast Telegraph. In March, Father Martin McVeigh accidentally showed images of gay porn while doing a presentation at a Holy Communion meeting held with parents at a Tyrone school. The 30 people present were unlikely to have expected 16 hardcore images of gay sexual acts, when they were invited to this meeting. Apparently the priest looked ‘shaken and flustered’ before running from the room. The meeting then carried on, lead by teachers.

Then to add insult to injury Father McVeigh returned at the end of the meeting to ask the parents to urge their children to donate any money they receive from their Holy Communion to the Catholic Church. Yes, of course we would love to give you some more money to fund the Church’s hate campaign against gay people or perhaps to fund this priest’s subscription to gay porn sites. The situation is just ludicrous.

I think that now more than ever all LGBT people, but mainly the younger amongst us, should be watchful of any sign of overt phobia. After years of gaining support for equality we can’t allow this type of prejudice to be unchallenged. It is just such a shame that the Catholic Church has failed to modernise and realise that it breeds such hate against their fellow men and women. It is no wonder that the number of people attending church is decreasing if they have to sit and listen to such narrow-mindedness.

Get healthy, get digging.

I have always suffered from seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Probably not very severe but I hate the winter. My energy levels drop, I feel very tired, my sleep pattern changes and I find it hard to concentrate. But then a miracle happened. Just over two years ago my partner and I were lucky enough to get an allotment on Whitehawk Hill and I have to say it has changed our lives. It may have taken three years on a waiting list but it was well worth the wait. Yes it is a lot of work, but I have since given up my membership to the gym and with it the expense, I sleep better and of course the main reward is fresh fruit and vegetables.

Although the experts say that there are many different treatments for SAD including light therapy, medication, ionized-air administration and cognitive-behavioural therapy, I feel that just getting out into the fresh air and doing some manual work has helped me overcome this to a large degree. I still find it hard to motivate myself to climb the hill and start digging but after a day gardening I feel relaxed and healthily tired. It has also given me a wider hobby as I have to research plants, watering, feeding, composting, shed maintenance, and the list goes on.

Getting an allotment also gives people an opportunity to work alongside others. Every day that we visit the allotment we meet old and new friends. It has extended our social life and we now regularly socialise with people we have met there. It isn’t just about gardening but sharing produce, having barbeques, and generally having fun. Allotments allow you to meet others in the wider community who share an interest in horticulture and gardening activity, but also who like to sit, enjoy the view, drink a glass of wine and just take it all in.

I have read that it can also help closer relationships to develop between vulnerable (socially excluded) and non-vulnerable (socially included) members of society. What surprises me then, is that I couldn’t find any projects in Brighton that are aimed at people with mental health issues. There have been many studies into the benefits of gardening for people with mental health issues and there are projects all over the country. I am only aware of the community allotment on Whitehawk Hill allotments. They offer workshops in composting, wormeries and general gardening skills. They also encourage people to join in on their open work days (12 noon, every Thursday and Sunday). Have a look at their website and see if it has anything to offer you: www.thefoodproject.org.uk.

I think that maybe there is an opportunity for people to get together to try and get a plot from our Green council to try and promote the benefits of gardening amongst people living with mental health issues. From personal experience I know that my life has been enriched. I now get more fresh air, more friends, more exercise, more fun, more sleep and even more food.

Yesterdays gays

If you ask most people to think of an historical gay Irish figure I think the majority wouldn’t have a clue, some may say Oscar Wilde. That really would not surprise me as Oscar Wilde is probably one of the most famous homosexuals in the world and of course was also Irish. However, Ireland has quite a few more gay people in its past. These men and women were politicians, writers, novelists, poets and educators including Pádraig Pearse, Roger Casement, Kate O’Brien, Edith Somerville, Violet Martin, Eva Selina Gore-Booth and Elizabeth Bowen. I am most intrigued with the first two men as they also had strong links to the fight for Irish independence.

Pádraig Pearse was born in 1879 and was a teacher, writer and political activist. He was also one of the leaders in the Easter Rising in 1916. Due to his public speaking and writing skills, Pearse was chosen by his peers from the Irish Republican Brotherhood to be their spokesman. This organisation was set up in secret with an aim to overthrow British rule and replace it with an Irish Republic. He was responsible for issuing the orders to all volunteers of the IRB to prepare for the Easter Rising. After six days of fighting and many civilian deaths, Pearse issued the order to surrender. He along with 14 other leaders including his brother were court-martialled and executed by firing squad. The interesting point to make about Pádraig Pearse is that there is now a genuine belief that he was gay. His biographer Ruth Dudley Edwards, spoke of his sexuality stating that she was sure Pearse was celibate and as innocent as he was honourable, but, also thought it no big deal that the evidence showed him to have been attracted by boys and young men. It is my belief that even today a lot of leading Irish historians and scholars have difficulty accepting that an Irish hero was in fact gay.

Roger Casement was born in 1864 and was a human rights activist and a British consul. He was originally famous for his reports and activities against human rights abuses in the Congo and Peru. It was in fact his investigation into the atrocities in Congo that led him to become an Irish Republican. He tried to gain German support for an Irish rebellion. However, when Casement arrived in Ireland just prior to the Easter rising, he was arrested. Later he was tried and convicted of treason and ultimately executed. What makes Casement’s life fascinating is that, at this time, his diaries were being circulated. In these diaries, now known as the “black” diaries he wrote about his sexual encounters. This diary contains his sexual adventures with fifty different partners. Casement recorded in detail, about each of his partners, often enjoying two or more in one day. The diary entries record penis size, the price paid and the type of sexual encounter whether oral, anal or digital.

So, here we have two men fighting for the same cause, but their sexuality and how they displayed it could not have been more different. Writing this has opened a new window into the Irish history I learnt in school and I feel I may want to explore some more.

Enjoy LGBT History Month.

The 12 gays of christmas

Well another year has come and almost gone and I thought that there were a few people who deserved to get a little more stuffing in their stocking this year. I would like to mention just twelve individuals that have continued to fight for gay rights or in one way or another have kept gay issues in the news. So here they are, my 12 Gays of Christmas.

12. WAHEED ALLI is a life peer and an openly gay Muslims. He was instrumental in introducing the Civil Partnership Bill.

11. WILL YOUNG. It is ten years since he won the first series of Pop Idol. He has always been very open about how difficult it was to come out during the show and has probably helped other young artists make the decision to publicly announce their sexuality.

10. RABBI LIONEL BLUE was the first British rabbi to come out. He has been involved in many gay organisations, and published a book called Godly and Gay in 1981.

9. JAMES LEDWARD. It would have been a crime not to mention our editor and friend. As most of you know James is not only the editor of this magazine but is one of the most influential and well known gay activists in the city of Brighton. Enough said, I don’t want to inflate his ego too much.

8. RUSSEL T DAVIES brought us another series of Torchwood this year and it didn’t disappoint. Davies has continued to bring gay stories into mainstream television and is pushing the boundaries just enough so that homosexual relationships are becoming the norm.

7. JOHN BARROWMAN I couldn’t mention Davies and not Barrowman. I just want to applaud him too for creating some of the hottest gay scenes shown on BBC this year.

6. GARETH THOMAS has recently decided to retire from rugby, but his brave decision in 2009 to come out has to be applauded. I only hope that more sports stars will be as daring as him.

5 & 4. MARTYN HALL and his civil partner STEVEN PREDDY won their case against a Cornish B&B in January after being refused a room where they could share a bed. This is the kind of case that helps us all to fight the bigotry that still exists.

3. PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA Ok so he’s not gay but he did bring the long political struggle over the US military's controversial "don't ask, don't tell" policy to a close late last year.

2. DAVID CAMERON I know, I’m as surprised as you, but just a few weeks ago he stated that he would consider cutting aid to countries that fail to recognise gay rights. I think we should all feel proud to have a prime minister that is willing to make such a strong stance for gay people.

1. SENATOR DAVID NORRIS Well anyone that knows me won’t be surprised. Senator Norris ran for president of Ireland in October. He would have been the first ever openly gay president in the world but unfortunately Ireland was not ready for him.

So there it is, thank you all gentlemen for helping us to have a gayer, safer, more open world. Happy Christmas and I hope this twelve will continue to inspire us all in the other twelve - 2012.

Having children is a choice not a right! Ok

Is it only me that gets angry about paying for other people’s child care? I got really annoyed the other day whilst listening to the radio. This ‘poor’ young woman with four children harped on that the ‘Government’ should pay for her childcare. Excuse me! The government has no money. They have my money and your money; they don’t have an endless pit of magically manufactured notes ready to hand out just because you have children. If you make the choice, yes choice, to have children then make sure you can afford to support them. Don’t go begging to the government for my money just because you didn’t plan your life properly. Go and get a job you stupid woman.

While I am on the subject let us not forget that the population is growing and soon we won’t be able to feed the world’s children. As religious nutters are plodding around the world spreading the drivel ‘Go forth and multiply’ they are creating a massive storm which will very soon affect us all. Medical science is improving and we are living longer. Resources are running low and we are not adapting quickly enough. I cannot be the only one who is concerned about the lack of resources to maintain this growing population. So the idea that folk believe they have the right to lay back think of England and procreate to their hearts content, really offends me. I go to work, I pay my taxes and I claim nothing back. I don’t usually grumble about this as I have nieces and nephews, but my sisters planned their offspring and have saved enough to pay for them.

Ok, I can already hear the bleeding hearts; “But, Mike not everyone is as lucky as you and your family”. Well excuse my French but f*** you too. My sisters and I started from nothing but had the common decency to get off our skinny backsides and get an education, which we paid for ourselves and then went out and got jobs. If you want to sit at home and live off the state, and when I say state I mean ‘me’, then do so, but don’t push out a child every eighteen months and expect everyone else to suffer. I would think that it would probably be easier to work than to drag your seven brats around ASDA screaming “Don’t touch that Chanel” or “Leave that strange green thing (vegetable) alone Chardonnay”.

To finish, I would like to say I am a very open minded individual; I have just had enough of picking up the pieces for other peoples mistakes. If you have the energy and vigour required to create a child, I am pretty certain you have the energy to go out and work to pay for its upbringing. If I had the choice I wouldn’t pay as much taxes as people choosing to have children. Why should we and those who choose not to bring more people into this already overpopulated world subsidise their lives? You wanted them, you had them and you can pay for them. Come on people join my movement and tell them all to pay for their own bloody kids.

Deep breath! And relax.

Price repulses individuals deserving extra – could this spell disaster for pride?

By the time you are reading this all the tickets for this years’ pride will be sold and the whole event will be gearing up to be a huge success. Alternatively you are preparing yourself to watch the free parade and then make your way to the street party on St. James Street. One hundred thousand people taking over the centre of town is a possibility; for the first time since its inception in 1973, Pride are charging £12.50 for adults and £8.50 for under 18’s. But it is not all gloom and doom, if you are under 12 you can go for free! Next year we could even rebrand the whole event as “Preston Park Playschool” Please forgive my scepticism but I really am worried that this is going to be a massive flop.

If you look on the pride website, you will find that there are the usual suspects this year; Community Village, The Bears Tent, Brighton Marina, BME Tent, Cabaret Tent, The Co-operative, Federation of Disabled People's Access Tent, Fun Fair, GO.GO Festival Women's Tent, Live Stage, The Markets, Pride Members Enclosure and last but not least – ‘Last Night A DJ Saved My Life Foundation Main Dance Tent’. Yes I did a double take too. This is the main dance tent and can hold a massive 8,000, if they manage to sell that many tickets.

What I can’t understand is, if you are going to charge people for an event that was previously free, you need to have a unique selling point. In my humble opinion, a big name headlining the day you would be guaranteed to get the crowds in. Without that, folk are just going to feel ripped off. Looking around at the other Pride events this year, I notice that the majority of them are free.

My feeling is, if we are going down the route of selling tickets; why not change the whole event. We use Madeira Drive for everything these days so why not for this.

Let’s still have the parade and the street party but also run a new event called the Big Brighton Bash or something similar. How about a day of concerts? The park has become more and more straight and family friendly over the years, so let’s forget about calling it Pride, as it hasn’t been an LGBT event for a very long time. We can still have a great weekend, but let’s move away from the predictable line up that is Brighton Pride. This could be an opportunity to move away from the humdrum and move to a new era. Why not try to bring back the Beach Down festival on the same weekend? We really could put Brighton back on the map for having moved away from the Pride format. How about calling the weekend Balanced Brighton? This could be the new format that would be adopted elsewhere. A truly open event, for everyone to enjoy. Gay, straight, black, white, young, old, everybody is welcome to Brighton. Now that would be something to be proud of.

A prominent presidential possibility

I have a very vivid memory in my mind of the very first time I saw Senator David Norris on television. I have no idea what age I was but I was relatively young, maybe seven or eight. He was appearing on The Late Late Show, which was a two hour topical chat show hosted at the time by Gay Byrne. My parents were quite happy for me and my sisters to stay up late on a Friday evening to watch this programme because in their eyes it was an education. I was fascinated by this well spoken, slightly camp, bear of a man. He sounded wonderful, intelligent and was discussing something called Gay. This was the early eighties and HIV was hitting the media. I didn’t quite understand what Gay meant but I new that this man was discussing something very important. I think I probably even fell in love with David Norris’s brain that evening. I didn’t understand it but I wanted to sit and listen to him for ever.

I have mentioned Senator Norris before but I think he is always worth mentioning as he was almost single headedly responsible for the decriminalisation of homosexuality in the Irish Republic. It took him almost twenty years but eventually in 1993 he managed to get the law changed in Ireland. Norris has been an independent elected member of the Irish Parliament’s upper house, the Seanad, since 1987 and when he first took his seat he was Ireland’s first openly gay elected official.

He has always been a huge character in Ireland and over the years he has appeared on television constantly. He is never afraid to take a risk and will always be the first to make fun of himself. I find his ability to enthral everyone that listens to him an absolute delight. Almost two years ago I had the great pleasure of being invited with my partner to his beautiful Georgian house in Dublin. Being in David’s presence is like sitting in the centre of a very funny, but informative whirlpool. I never thought I would meet the man in person but now that I have I think that I will always treasure that moment as one of the most wonderful days of my life, second only to the day that Roger and I got civil partnered.

David will be hitting the media again this year and I think that even here in the UK we will start to hear a lot more about him. The reason for this is that he is tipped to be the next president of Ireland. David won’t be a token President; he will be very high profile. He has never been afraid of airing his views and as President I am certain he’ll continue to do the same. He has stated that he will concentrate on three pillars which he believes are central to the betterment of Irish Society; mental health, culture & enterprise. Senator Norris is exactly what Ireland needs for the tough economic ride ahead, he is hugely popular and I would be very surprised if he doesn’t get elected.

I am looking forward to the day when I can say that my hero is the President of Ireland.

This is no ordinary gay, this is a naturally selected gay

I love it when I hear Christians and other religious fanatics ranting about people choosing to be gay. I would get really irritated about it but now it fills my mind with so much amusing imagery. I love the idea of packaging homosexuality like you would a new product to the market. Consider the idea of selling ‘Gay’ as the new craze to hit society. Wouldn’t that be funny? I already have images of semi naked oiled up men lounging on a bed while Dervla Kirwan’s sultry tones murmur: “This is no ordinary Gay, this is a naturally selected Gay!”

Or for a moment consider such adverts as the ‘try it for one month’ type of marketing. You know the ones that promise that once you have tried an enema in a jar for a week you will want to pursue this form of daily self abuse for ever more. Picture the scene, a group of young hunks lining the beach. Most of them are again semi naked. They romp around with their mouths beaming electric white teeth. They throw beach balls and other inflatable toys at each other. They wrestle each other to the sand and then pad the sand off each other’s glistening bodies. All of this is sound tracked with an appropriately cheesy song which lures you into the newest lifestyle choice. Then comes the punch line “Try the Gay way for just one week and you may never want to go back to straight again”.

You could also try the technological approach. We all love those ads that completely fry your brain with jargon that only makes sense to 0.000001% of society. Why not upgrade to Gay today. For a limited time only, you can upgrade from Straight 2.4 operating system to our full Gay 7.2 Operating & Entertainment package. This upgrade will remove all unnecessary programs such as: Football 2.2, Car Speak 7, NoWhatIMean 3 & BelchFart11. Alternative installations include: Housework 3.1, CulturedConversation 2.5, Understanding 6 & SenseOfStyle 3. The download also includes additional optional installs such as OpenRelationship 9 and Fetish 69. All this comes with full technical support from our dedicated team of experts at gaydownload@support.co.uk. If you are not entirely happy with your upgrade we can perform a full system restore. The small print could include something along the lines of: We cannot guarantee a full system restore as most biological hardware systems are unlikely to want to return to full straight functionality. Most customers choosing to revert to a previous system restore point usually retain OccasionalCottaging 3 and ClosetGay 8.1.

But of course I jest. I know I was born gay. I grew up feeling that I was essentially different to the other boys in school. I didn’t quite understand what I felt, I didn’t know there was a name for it but I knew that I felt it. I have probably reached one of the most comfortable times of my life, where it all makes sense and I am the happiest I have ever been with my sexuality. I hope that with the progressiveness of recent years that younger men are now a lot more comfortable with themselves too.

Don’t just buy Gay – Live Gay.

Happy valentine’s gay

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

Some poems rhyme

And others don't

So it is February. We have managed to get through the over indulgence that is December and the guilt that is January. A new year, a new month, don’t stress out, it is the shortest one and then we can look forward to spring. When you think about it there is not a whole lot to look forward to this month except of course if you are an old romantic and you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I always secretly look forward to February because it was in February 2006 that my partner and I got civil partnered. We don’t do the whole Valentine’s Day thing but it is nice to have something to celebrate during the final throes of winter.

Over the last few years I have a looked around to see if there was something special for our anniversary, but I‘ve found Valentine’s Day to be geared towards straight people. I don’t think this is such a bad thing as I feel that it is only an opportunity for businesses to inflate prices again in order to make a good profit but not really offering anything special. Again, I haven’t got a problem with that either, I just don’t want to get sucked into it. After all I’m still paying off credit cards from Christmas.

I don’t know of any gay couples that celebrate February 14^th, which may be if you ook around you won’t find anything exceptional for gay couples in Brighton. In a nutshell I am delighted for the straight folk to keep this little money spinner to themselves while I concentrate on trying to squirrel away some cash in order to take a nice sunny break as soon as I can.

I would like to point out though if you have a bit of cash lying about there are a few gay events going on just a quick flight away. In Vienna on the 12^th, there is the Rainbow Ball at the elegant Hofburg Palace. The tickets are not bad at €70 a pop. When I spotted this I was almost tempted as I would love to visit Vienna. Or why not pop over to Brussels. The City celebrates gay and lesbian culture through a range of artistic media at Cinema Vendôme. It’s probably not for everyone but it is another opportunity to visit a great City.

If you want to go further afield you can always go to the Midsumma gay and lesbian festival in Melbourne or the Sidney New Mardi Gras is a couple of weeks later. Why not try to fit both of these into one trip? I am of course being a little sarcastic as I won’t be able to afford any of the above, but it may give you some ideas to get through another dark and dreary month.

My partner and I will no doubt celebrate our anniversary with a little bottle of champagne, sitting on our allotment looking down at the view of Brighton from Whitehawk Hill. This is as romantic as it gets, my man by my side, a drink in my hand and a beautiful view.

Happy Valentine’s Gay.