Self-harm refers to a person's harming their own body on purpose. About 5% of people hurt themselves in this way. More females hurt themselves than males. A person who self-harms usually does not mean to kill himself or herself. But they are at higher risk of attempting suicide if they do not get help.
Self-harm tends to begin in teen or early adult years. Some people may engage in self-harm a few times and then stop. Others engage in it more often and have trouble stopping.
Examples of self-harm include:
Cutting yourself (such as using a razor blade, knife, or other sharp object to cut the skin)
Punching yourself or punching things (like a wall)
Burning yourself with cigarettes, matches, or candles
Pulling out your hair
Poking objects through body openings
Breaking your bones or bruising yourself
Let’s start with this: everyone needs a way to cope with their emotions. People who self-harm have turned to hurting themselves as their coping mechanism to manage their emotions.
So, people might self-harm to:
Process their negative feelings
Distract themselves from their negative feelings
Feel something physical, particularly if they are feeling numb
Develop a sense of control over their lives
Punish themselves for things they think they’ve done wrong
Express emotions that they are otherwise embarrassed to show
Self-harm can be seriously dangerous—physically, emotionally, socially, all of it.
Physical Effects of Self-Harm
Permanent scars
Uncontrolled bleeding
Infection
Emotional Effects of Self-Harm
Guilt or shame
A diminished sense of self, including feeling helpless or worthless
Addiction to the behavior
Social Effects of Self-Harm
Avoiding friends and loved ones
Becoming ostracized from loved ones who may not understand
Interpersonal difficulty from lying to others about injuries
Stigma creates shame and embarrassment, making it hard for people who self-harm to get help. So, look out for yourself and for your pals. If you suspect that someone in your life is self-harming, here are some warning signs to keep top of mind:
Scars
Fresh cuts, burns, scratches, or bruises
Rubbing an area excessively to create a burn
Having sharp objects on hand
Wearing long sleeves or long pants, even in hot weather
Difficulties with interpersonal relationships
Persistent questions about personal identity
Behavioral and emotional instability, impulsiveness, or unpredictability
Saying that they feel helpless, hopeless, or worthless
Many people cut themselves because it gives them a sense of relief. Some people use cutting as a means to cope with a problem. Some teens say that when they hurt themselves, they are trying to stop feeling lonely, angry, or hopeless.
It is possible to overcome the urge to hurt yourself. There are other ways to find relief and cope with your emotions. Counseling may help.
A lot of people who self-harm do so because they are dealing with painful emotions. If this applies to you, hi—we believe in you and recognize your pain. Because painful emotions are at the root of self-harm, quite often recovering from self-harm involves addressing emotions.
Breaking away from the cycle of self-harm can feel like a huge climb. It involves breaking a habit that has once brought comfort from pain. But, it is not impossible. Here are some steps to set you up for success:
Name your reason for hurting yourself and your reason for quitting. Ask yourself: “What do I feel before, during, and after self-injury? Which of those emotions do I actively seek out, and which are harmful?”
Identify other ways of achieving the same result. For example, if you self-harm for the physical sensation, seek other ways of releasing endorphins, like exercise. For real, try throwing a few punches at a kickboxing class or tapping it back in a spin class with the *perfect* playlist. If you self-harm to express your emotions, practice expressing them in words by writing them down. Grab a pen and your favorite notebook, or start typing away in your notes app.
Tackle the underlying emotions. Explore the feelings that lead you to want to hurt yourself. If it’s guilt, where is that guilt coming from? Maybe try finding a therapist—there are pros trained specifically to help with this.
Tell someone you trust. Let a friend, family member, or trusted adult know what you’re going through and that you need their support. Opening up to people can be easier said than done. Here’s a place to start: “I’m having a hard time processing some painful emotions and I could use your support right now.”
Getting healthy—both in your brain and in your body—takes hard work. You got this.