The following morning the Hospice nurse arrived and told us they had a bed for her. I felt relief but also felt bad. My mom would be leaving her home for the last time. A week before I had told her that I dreaded that moment when she would leave for the last time. She told me that death and life are a series of steps or notches. And told me that when she left the house for the last time not to think of it anymore than that....a notch or a natural step in life. When the ambulance drivers were taking her out that last day she actually grabbed my hand and opened her eyes and in her stupor said, "It is only another notch." She was referring to the conversation we had a week ago...Imagine her-comforting me at such moment. Once she was at the Hospice they took her off the patch and put her on morphine instead her mind cleared. She stopped talking that much and every once in a while could speak or answer questions. She told me that her loved ones where there and trying to take her. She was afraid to go with them. She did not want to leave us. I went down a list of deceased relatives and friends and most of them where in the room. She had told me that her father was in the room and when she tried to talk to her he told her he was there to keep an eye on her and take her to heaven when it was time. In the mean time she was not to talk to him but to us. Our priest came down and we prayed with her at her bed. She tried to cross herself and seemed to relax. He comforted her and told her to go with them if they wanted her to go. After this it was difficult to understand what she was saying. We sat there, kept each other company and held her hand. It was a wonderful relief to have the staff to care for her and us. The night before she died everyone left one by one to get home, get the kids to bed and get some sleep. I couldn't leave, I wanted to share every last minute with her even if she was out of it. I sat there in the dark holding her hand and one of the patients in the room called me over. She said, "What would your mother tell you right now?" I said, "she would tell me to go home, get some sleep and come back in the morning." She told me to listen to my mother. I was exhausted. This patient told me she would watch over her for me. What an angel. I reluctantly left and was back in the morning. It was so sunny outside. This Hospice is on the Long Island Sound. I looked out at the water in her room and saw boats going by, waves hitting the shore and sea gulls flying about. It was a beautiful day to die. My mom was awake and alert. I described what it looked like today. I smiled at her and told her that I loved her. She just stared at me. The nurse came in to clean her up...I went next door to the lounge and almost immediately she came flying in telling me to hurry up...that she was going now. I flew back into her room. Her eyes were closed but she clutched my hand when I held it. Her color got very dark reddish-grey and then the color left her face at the same moment she let go of my hand. I know this sounds corny but I looked up at the beautiful sky and in my minds eye saw her-young, beautiful, happy and pain-free in the sky outside her window. When I looked back down at her face she was just a shell. The beautiful part that was my mother was released. There was no sadness in seeing her like that. She was out of pain. And I was privileged to be there for all of it....from the day she was diagnosed to the day she went to heaven. Like so many people, I wish I hadn't needed to work and could have been with her the entire two years but she laughed and said, "You must think highly of yourself to think I would want to be with you that much!" It has been almost five months now and I have to tell you that I learned more about how to live from her death than anything else. You see, my mother did not let cancer rob her of her life. She said that she lived with cancer-not in spite of it. She took her treatments and followed the nurse's and doctor's advise. She called cancer her blessing and really enjoyed what time she had left. She didn't let her illness spoil any moment that was left-cancer did not win and that has truly been a gift to us. My mom was a retired therapeutic recreation director in a nursing home. She said that she learned about life and how to die from some of the residents there. One in particular taught her a poem about death:

"From what we get we can make a living; what we give, however, we make a life"-Arthur AsheIt all started on the day after Mother's Day in 1997, it was a day that life as I knew it, changed completely. I was living a typical 16 year olds life, when my mother broke the news that she had Ovarian Cancer, I along with my sisters and step dad were shocked and as you can imagine devastated. My mother was the strongest person I had known, so there was no way that she could suffer from this disease. As the days passed I realized that this disease was for real, my mother went through extensive treatments including chemotherapy. As a result, she began to feel as if the world around her was beginning to change, her strength was not there, her hair was gone, and she was beginning to lose her faith in life. Even so, she never lost her heart. A few months passed and she was "cured" from this horrible disease. We planned a trip to Yosemite National Park and we all went as a family, there she received a call from one of her physicians. I remember watching her as she spoke to him and the second when she received the news that her cancer had appeared in other areas. She broke down and cried like I had never seen her cry. We did not know what had happened, but we had an idea. A few months later she was admitted into the hospital (ICU) where she lasted a month and passed on February 9, 1999. She was and will continue being my life, with her passing she has taught me how to appreciate life and every moment that is before us. Although, I miss her every day, I also know that she has and will continue to show me that life is nothing without love. Even though this story is not your typical feel good story, I guess I am saying that it should be. Through my mom's passing I have learned to appreciate life and every moment it consists of. Mom, you continue to be my hero,idol,mentor, and most of all teacher. I Love You Mom!

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Three weeks after this she began having complications with the peg tube. She began to vomit several times a day. My mom lost so much weight, and most of her strength, but not her faith and trust in Christ Jesus. The more medical challenges she faced, the stronger her confession became that "God will do what he said he will do". As of today's date, my mom has been hospitilized for 23 days. She is now on oxygen, has a drainage bag for for the ascities, and is taking morphine to ease the pain. Family, friends, co-workers, and other believers embrace her with the Love she has displayed and generously given to them over the years. Her hospital room has been used a place of ministry, where you can feel the presence of God, even in this challenging time. Many come to pray and support her, and she in turn prays for and encourages her visitors. Her dream to begin a Cancer Awareness & Christian Support group has already began within the room in the Womens Health Unit of JWMC.(Hope) Helping Others Patiently Endure) Her window is filled with cards of prayers, scriptures, and love, while another window is filled with beatiful flowers. The gyn-Onc Dr has told us that he has done all that he is able to do. At this point my family is making arrangements for my mom to have Hospice. Although we do not know what tomorrow holds, we know who holds tomorrow. Many lives are being touched right now by the ministry of One of Gods Messengers, Elder Vanessa R. Marshall. Even in the face of hardship you will hear her hum or sing "Oh how I loved Jesus..Oh How I love Jesus..Oh How I loved Jesus because he first Loved Me." I cannot say I will not miss my mom, I know I will. We have come a long way in the past 6 years. God has restored a broken relationship and made it into a beautiful centerpiece of the Works of the Masters Hands. We do not look back at what we could have had, but what we are able to enjoy whenever God calls her home. All I can say is that God doesn't make any mistakes. Within are many unanswered questions, maybe to be answered, and maybe not... In this entire ordeal with OVCA I have seen God's mighty hand move in so many ways. I pray for all those who have lost a loved one with this horrible disease. What makes it so horrible is because it is silent, the symptoms whisper...you can be easily misdiagnosed, and when you find out the dignosis, seldom times, it is already spread. My prayers are with you all. We cannot thank God enough for ALL those who have prayed, supported, encouraged, and embraced my family in this last year. I know God has a special reward for you all. Especially the women of the OVCA Message Board who check-in to be a shoulder to cry on, and to share information that you may not recieve from the doctors. May God bless all the survivors of OVCA, Caretakers, family members, and Onc-Gyn doctors who (those who do)do ALL they can for their patients. We believe that if God doesn't reveal the manifestation of my mother's healing on this side, that we will witness her healing in Glory! She is running the race, fighting a good fight, and she is enduring in grace and with patience. I know she will hear the Master say Vanessa...Well done my good & FAITHFUL servant..Well Done. Please keep us in your prayers.

The Brown, Marshall, and Johnson Families

My story is similar to many of the other women except that I am younger than many of the women diagnosed and that my ca125 was very high. I was and still am a very active person. I work out all the time and the cancer has not stopped me from doing that or any thing else for that matter. I had almost no symptoms except for some occassional bloating and gas starting around September 2004. 

The first week of february 2005 I started to get bloated and each day got a little worse. I went to the emergency room and after an ultrasound I was told to see my gyno. Within four days I was in the hospital for the grand old surgery. I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer and I have had almost everthing removed that I don't need to continue living with. The biggest thing is and the one thing that I can't find anyone coming close to is the fact that my ca125 was 50,196 before my operation.

 I seem to have broken all the records. The highest ca125 anybody has seen is around 35,000. I asked what does that really mean and they say it just means there was a lot of activity. Of couse I don't think you can believe anything they have to say and I know they sure don't tell you a lot. (They refering to doctors). I started chemo one week after surgery, Feb. 2005 and I had to have 8 sessions of carbo\taxol which I finally finished in Aug. 2005. It took me 5 rounds of chemo to reach remission and since the chemo has stopped I have remained stable. My last ca125 was 20 in Jan. 2006.

 I don't want to bore you with all kinds of dread and statistics. I think you just have to keep going and hope for the best. The doctors certainly won't help you beyond chemo. At least not in Canada anyway. I can't say that chemo was fun but I went back to my gym the same week I finished my last treatment and I am as active as I was before the cancer.

 I probably don't have a lot of life left. How much I have will depend on how soon the cancer returns but I don't plan on slowing down until the choice is not mine anymore. I am not the most positive person in the world but I am an adventurer, I love a challenge and I am very driven. Finally, I offer a challenge to anyone out there, can they beat my numbers, or at least come close?And if so, how has it turned out? For my first cousin, she didn't live more than 3 years. She also died of ovarian cancer. This is a tough one, this is my biggest adventure yet! 589ccfa754

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