I competed in the Toastmasters International 2011 Humorous Speech Contest. They are conducted every year during the Fall. Only the top winner from each level goes to the next level.
My rankings were:
1st at Club Level,
1st at Area Level, and finally,
2nd at Division Level!
It was an amazing experience which also taught me some great tips about humorous speeches -
1. It's not easy to be funny, when you are TRYING to be funny!
2. Audience love jokes the best which they don't see coming!
3. Stand-up comedy is easier to write than stand-up-humorous speeches. Google helps though.
4. Never, never deliver a contest speech from a lectern. Humorous speeches are best delivered while walking across the stage.
5. Give a pause after some jokes. These jokes take time. Crowd will laugh. You have to wait!
Thanks to my club members and friends who came out to support me at the events. Until next time, chow.
Date: 25 Oct 2011, Location: CNA Building @ Downtown Chicago, Allowed Duration: 4min 30sec to 7min 30sec
*anything in bold below invited the greatest laughter.
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How my Left-Hand Drive from the Right-World became a Right-Hand Drive in the Left-World
2 things…2 things will happen after I finish my speech today – One, you will clap, and the second, some of you will refuse to sit in my car again!
Respected Left-Hand drivers and honored pedestrians, my Driver’s License <show your license> is a true story about how a man’s faith in his brakes and accelerator overcame the fear of the dark side of the road such as cab drivers, aggressive pedestrians, and traffic cops.
I came to US from India as an experienced driver…full of confidence. It all disappeared when I saw…which side of the road you guys drive on.
See in India we drive on the ‘other’ side of the road. I am glad that the British occupation taught India some great things about industrialization, but I can never understand why did they ever teach us to drive on the freaking wrong side of the road! Thanks to them, I’m no longer sure which side of the road I want now - Left for the Right hand drive or the Right for the left-hand drive?
And it’s just not the side or the lanes. It’s the entire driving culture as I observe here. I truly admire the traffic rules in US, but I must say they are very restrictive. The driving culture in India is let’s say…very…open. See we drive on a simple principle of Karma –
You do your best and leave the rest to <fold hands to look up to God> insurance companies.
I can spend an entire day explaining to you the differences between Indian driving and US driving but for now, I’ll limit it to 4 simple points:
You can now imagine how difficult it was for me to overcome my fear of traffic rules and regulations. It actually took me a lot of courage to apply for my permit last summer. I then hired a driving instructor aka Carlos to teach me <wait for laughter!>. Now Carlos had no idea what he was getting into. He promised to teach me driving in just 10 minutes…..he said it’s a Crash Course.
For my first lesson, I requested Carlos to take me to a neighborhood where the good drivers and the bad drivers drive the same. He…took me to Chinatown........Everything went ok until he started teaching me the Left Turn. He asked me to wait and yield to others. I told him I am an Indian. I don’t yield to others.……They yield to me.
But surprisingly no one honked at me. It’s interesting how this world treats you with respect and fear as long as you are driving a Learner’s car…. Life after getting the driver’s license has been different for me. All I get now are honks and some hand gestures that I am still trying to understand.
Anyways, I am a quick learner and I took my driving test the very next day. I got my license in the first attempt. I am still not sure why? Also, they made me smile for my Driver License picture. I mean comm’on. I won’t be smiling when a cop pulls me over.
I purchased my first car last October and I have gradually improved my driving skills. In fact during the first month, I left home at sunrise to avoid experienced drivers like you. Parallel parking is another area of concern for me, but I think I am getting better at it now. Just the other day I found this orange certificate on my car from someone complementing me with the message – Parking Fine!
My ability to be mobile has given me a lot of confidence. Toastmasters taught me the value of constructive criticism, so nowadays whenever another driver criticizes me constructively; I too make it a point to give some feedback to that driver. I don’t know about here, but on the road, I’m a pretty good Competent Communicator. My body language is good, I use the right hind gestures, and sometimes I even have a word for that day.
I do believe that the highway structure in US has been a major contributor to the industrial growth here and I can see why other countries should learn and replicate it elsewhere. Still, sometimes I do miss driving back in India. It may be dramatic, but you see, we love drama.
Well, I wish you all a safe ride ahead and I hope next time you see my driving, you don’t stand in my way.
Godspeed and Goodluck.
Mr. Toastmaster.