Recent Thoughts

I saw it. I was falling asleep, halfway awake, heart Half Out of my chest, my Head and brain felt numb and retarded on the deepest level So scared that the Nightmare from the previous day's "rest" would return... But that stress was the catalyst for something so much greater and freeing.... Everything started to fade out slowly, with a purple glowing body replacing my physical form, and I remember thinking to myself something along the lines of, "Good, Finally, I want to experience this. Let's see what the Astral Dimension is Really Like"  Suddenly a concentration of Pure Fear of Death (And my potential to cause Death, whether real or imaginary) Entered into me, or More so was Woken back Up from its Slumber, as I realized immediately how much i had/have left to do in this life before I truly am able to pass on to the next plane. Now I'm really Speedrunning this game we got going on here and Ngl Ya'll I really got some crazy strats and techniques I've been practicing here I'm really on pace for that WR right now ya'll better catch up soon or Ima just have to find a new game to play with some more advanced Gamers!! Alright that's all for now thanks for reading Catch Ya' Later!!!

Man you know how we play it you know how we play the game you know that American Gamer gaming Game I had to say (((RESPECTFULLY))) FR*CK what the other people in my life have to say about me or the way I choose to live. I was born on this planet to be a RockStar Image Hollywood Egomaniac BASEDSoundcloud/undergroundRapper with Helllllla money and Organic Growth of a Cult FanFollowing that supports me No Matter What WE go through TOGETHER! American gamer GAMING CORPORATION NATION STAND UP!! We are IN THIS FIGHT TOGETHER AND IT IS INDEED A WAR OF HOLY MAGNITUDES against all of those people who are BITCH-MADE peoples who DO NOT BELIEVE in US and OUR DREAMS and VISIONS.

I want to kill myself so fucking bad. I hate college. I don't want to be in college. I'm only going to college to get a degree so that my parents won't be disappointed in me.

I keep getting sick and throwing up or almost throwing up after I hit the vape too many times. I feel like I don't have enough self-control to just hit it a little bit and get a nice buzz going without going overboard. But on the other hand, I do really like that stimulating dopamine hit and that super relaxing first hit of the day though.

Life has been really tough and stressful for me lately. I have had a lot to deal with both in and outside of school and at home. I have been going on walks a lot more often recently to try to escape the negativity, but it sucks to have to be away from my PC for so long. I always play clash royale on my phone and I do make sure to bring my portable e-cigarette vape as well as my penjamin with me when I walk so I am well equipped for a nice, relaxing experience, but still, the walks can only last so long before I start to get anxious with being outside in public and everything so I still have to go back to the madness that awaits me at the end of my walk, back in the real world. Oh well I guess.

I am a no-bitches virgin loser who cannot talk to girls romantically at all... It's sad but its the truth. I can make girls laugh when I do funny things or say funny stuff like jokes I tell but if I try to make any kind of romantic or flirtatious move on a girl she will always tell me to stop and that it's being weird. I don't know if I'm just too ugly for them or too short or if they can tell that I jerk off a lot but I feel like there's something about me that makes me very unattractive to most girls. Also on top of that I feel like girls don't like guys who are neurodivergent as much so that doesnt help. Fuck my stupid retarded life.

I recently started learning and practicing how to cook for myself! I would like to say I have been doing pretty well so far, if I do say so myself. So far I learned how to cook sunny-side up eggs, chocolate-chip cookies, grilled cheese, and noodles. I actually enjoy cooking a lot so far, it makes me feel like an artist putting together a piece every time I decide to make a dish. To be honest I think I might be a better cook than my mom already.

I have been considering having some alcohol recently because weed isn't really making me feel relaxed or helping me forget about my problems very much recently. It definitely helps me feel more creative and energized but its hard to explain the feeling. Life has honestly been a rollercoaster lately and I think a nice beer or two might help me wind down a bit. The only thing is I haven't had any alcohol for a number of months now, as I tend to get nauseous (and depressed) when I drink.