Tips for Spiritual Companions

The role of a spiritual companion is primarily to provide clarity in the face of spiritual bewilderment. Most spiritual bewilderment occurs because we perceive our interests, needs, goals, and values as in conflict with one another. Often, this is rooted in a scarcity of resources, unjust political or economic policies and structures, aggressive behavior, personality differences, or in universal human needs for individual and cultural identity, security and recognition. Struggles over identity, values, power, and limited resources are at the heart of most spiritual bewilderment.As Sisters of the Krokopeplos, we are committed to the ongoing Work of resolving spiritual bewilderment into wisdom. We do this Work primarily in and for ourselves, but we also work together as spiritual companions.

What is Spiritual Bewilderment?

Spiritual bewilderment is the opposite of wisdom. It happens when we don't understand ourselves, the world, and our role in it. The intensity of that bewilderment can vary from so low that we don't recognize it to so high that we become a danger to ourselves or others. When our bewilderment impairs our ability to think carefully, create passionately, and act compassionately, it can cause suffering, both in ourselves and in others. Intense suffering -- like fear, vulnerability, pain, and anger -- interfere with our capacity for wise decision making. This can create a vicious feedback loop that can cause us to get stuck in bewilderment, unable to resolve it with our usual methods.

How Do We Move From Bewilderment to Wisdom?

The four "ingredients" required for converting bewilderment into wisdom are:

1. Liminality: In order to move past spiritual bewilderment, we must be open to the possibility of change -- open to the idea that things may not be as they appear, open to the idea that things which seem to be in conflict are, in fact, in complex interrelationship, open to the idea that we can, ourselves change. We must choose to see a problem as a gateway to new wisdom.

2. Learning: In order to move past spiritual bewilderment, we must carefully and dispassionately examine the situation, coming to understand its true nature. Once we can name and define the problem, it's time to make a plan. Most often, we do this by seeking out examples of how others have worked through similar problems in the past.

3. Liberation: Finally, once our plan is in place, it's time to execute our plan. With the help of our spiritual companions, we set goals for growth and progress, slowly unlocking the gates that stand between us and wisdom.

How Can I Help as a Spiritual Companion?

1. Listen carefully and actively, without judgement. If there are things you don't understand, ask questions until you do. Restate what the speaker has said back to them, to make sure you got it.

2. Avoid the temptation to give advice. Instead, ask questions and tell stories, but let your companion draw their own conclusions.

3. However, if there is objective expertise you can share, ask permission to share it.

4. If in doubt, share communion.

5. Remember: the goal is to help your companion come to understand the true nature of their bewilderment. Once you can name the problem, solving it is usually much more straightforward.

6. Set measurable short term and more ephemeral long term goals.

7. Begin follow-up sessions by checking in on progress on short term goals.