Good or bad? Are you sure you know?!

It is common experience that we all judge: This is good for me, that's bad for me. He shouldn't have done that. She should do this. Etc.

How do we know? Can we really know? Do I really know that, if that thing happens to me, it would be great, or if something else happens to me it would be terrible?

These questions may seem academic or overly theoretical. We beg to differ. They are some of the most practical and useful questions we can ever inquire into. To see this, it might help to look at some common examples. But, first, let's put it in an even more radical yet personal way: We all suffer not because of "reality", but how we think about that "reality." This can also be summarized by the oft misunderstood aphorism: "Perception is reality." What do I mean by "reality?" Well, you know, what is happening to you right here and right now, not quantum mechanics and the standard model of physics and general relativity, or the yet to be invented unified field theory.

The difference between perception, in other words, what we think of reality, and reality itself is a great chasm. Our beliefs, our wants, our cravings, our attachments, and our addictions in short our daily habits, our habitual thoughts create a big wall that often separates us from reality. As such, we form values that are false and those values and how they drive us create more and more suffering. 

The new Apple TV series Severance has a female mid-level manager who utters a pearl of wisdom in the episode titled something like the good news and the bad news about hell: The good news about hell is simple: hell is purely imaginary -- it is a figment of human mind. We imagined it. The bad news follows: what humans imagine they create! 

Quite an uncontroversial argument, wouldn't you agree? But, what exactly is the argument here? To a person suffering from mental disease, neurosis or psychosis, or even more commonly, domestic abuse or some street violence (regardless of being inflicted by a criminal or the police), their suffering is very real, and can be alleviated by a more just criminal system, or better therapies that combine psychiatric medication, talk and family therapy. That's work in progress. However, what is the root cause of these seemingly distinct social and personal sicknesses, or diseases? What brings about this seemingly hellish world we find ourselves in? 

A happy little child, being nurtured in a healthy functional family, would not even know what we're talking about, obviously. Yet, some other kids of the same age, say in a dysfunctional family, experience hell early on. Hurt people hurt people, as the saying goes. Suffering seems to be propagated. 

How could that be? Given the abundance we find ourselves in at the first quarter of the 21st century, abundance of air travel, cars, factories, food enough to feed 15 billion people or more, technology that connects the whole big world at light speed, many rightfully concerned about climate change and doing something about it, actually doing a lot about it... A lot of good things had happened and have been happening and are happening to human beings alive now.  [ Book titled Factfulness and the ted talk on the Ignorance Project] Yet, there are failed or failing nations (like North Korea, Somalia, Venezuela, etc.) for a good reason [Book titled Why Nations Fail] and so much more suffering at social and personal levels [Recent trends in overdosing and suicides]. The finger comes back and points to the human mind: the false perceptions we believe in that disconnect us from reality. Not realizing what is good and here and now, or not realizing what is bad, but already being addressed and soon to be dissolved, or not realizing what we truly need and therefore being confused about what to do about it. 

It is very practical and very personal to ask this simple question: "Is it true?" when something in us tempts us to believe that what is happening is very bad for us (or for some other human beings we feel empathy for). 

Many who realize this simple message resist it believing that such an approach would make them insensitive to the suffering in themselves and in others. But, is that true? How could you be insensitive to, say, a toothache? That's real and that moves you. You get an appointment with your dentist. When we see clearly, we can respond accurately. When we see clearly a wrong being inflicted on someone, we move without thinking about it to stop it. Only when we are confused, we don't know really know what is good or bad, we would stop and reconsider. It is good to know that we don't know. Otherwise, in an attempt to fix things, it's often we make things worse and create real problems. 

So, next time an impulsive thought comes and you hear a voice in your head saying: "This is bad!" give yourself a moment and reconsider. What is the problem now? Do I have a problem here and now? If not, why worry? If so, can I do something about it? Yes, then why worry. And if not, why worry?