Hope, Joy and Acceptance
The Day Before
There are so many emotions that accompany the process of giving, and all of them seem to come at once in the days before. I never appreciated how important it is to have a "support person" during your hospital stay. And I was so grateful for my husband.
All I was hoping for leading up to the big day was a feeling of peace to calm the nerves, and one of those moments came on the 3-hour car ride to the hospital when a story on pediatric kidney donation came on the radio. I snapped the photo to the left when I heard the doctor explain how pediatric donations are some of the most impactful because they can have a lasting positive impact on the growth and development of that person. Since my "voucher" was going to a 13-year-old girl, it gave me comfort to know I was contributing.
I had been warned by another donor that the moment you get wheeled to the operating room, after all the busy leadup (and perhaps a bit of trying to stay strong), you can feel a sudden rush of emotions. I definitely felt that, and was tearing up for reasons I couldn't quite explain. But as the doors opened up to the hallway leading to the OR, I saw the blue sky dotted with a few puffy clouds through a long window, and the feeling peace returned. I knew I had to trust in the expertise of the amazing medical professionals who were working hard to improve lives every day. My amazing surgeon, Dr. Jay, wore pearls. The kind anesthesiologist was jovial and upbeat as she administered the gas.
Joy was definitely present when that same large team came to my hospital room after surgery and stood around my bed to thank me for becoming a living donor. Together we had done it! It was an amazing feeling and still is.
A donor's journey also involves making peace with whatever comes, which is a difficult part of the process but essential. Before I made up my mind to give, I had to truly ask myself if I would be OK with the fact that there were limited things under my control and many things that would be uncertain, not only immediately after surgery but for the long run. Donors have little control over how much pain they will feel post surgery (I am grateful my recovery was very manageable) and donors especially have no control over how that kidney will react in the recipient, and whether that recipient will go on to religiously take the life saving immunosuppressant drugs necessary to stave off rejection. Regardless of those drugs, donors also have to accept that this exptremely personal gift will not last forever. Living donors kidneys can last double the timeframe of deceased, which is amazing! However they average is still 12-20 years for living donors (8-12 for deceased).
My own journey was a true test in acceptance. Recipients almost always see an immediate benefit to transplantation with improved renal function almost immediately after surgery. More than 98% of living kidneys survive one year post surgery. But there is always that 2% and as I write this just a few weeks after surgery, my recipient is still in the hospital. My thoughts and prayers are with her every day. I know she is receiving the very best of care, and I can only hope she remains strong.
As a donor I have no control over the outcome for my recipient, but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. This gift reflects my desire to be someone in this world who offers help and hope to those who need it most. Living donation is also a way for me to show thanks for all the many blessings I have always known, loving parents, a husband who is here for me, healthy wonderful children, a career that I love and friendships that mean the world to me. I give because I feel the abundance of life and I am grateful.