Welcome to a space crafted to celebrate the diverse queer voices of the JCOS community. I invite you to share your personal and unique story through a timeline, original artwork, poetry, a video, or any form of expression you chose. This page is the canvas awaiting your narrative! 

My "coming-out" story was at a snail's pace, but each moment leading up to my discovery was important to understanding myself. I acknowledged that I was transgender in 2022 at the age of 30. I honestly did not know this about myself until that point, but looking back, there were many times I knew without knowing. 

When I was in elementary school, I wouldn't be seen without my backwards Pikachu hat, basketball shorts and t-shirt. I was often asked by my peers if I was a boy or a girl. I always responded "girl" but in my head I didn't know why it mattered and knew that I liked boy things better like winning at dodgeball, playing sports and being good at math (oh the stereotypes). Growing up, I always wanted my hair to be cut short, like a boy, but my mom wouldn't let me, saying that I would regret it. So I had long hair down my back that was often in a ponytail to keep it out of my face. My dad remarried and I was the flower girl at his wedding. I sobbed and asked for my mom, she thought she was going to have to console me about my dads new marrige, but instead, I was so upset that I had to wear a dress and everyone would see. I changed into overalls, a t-shirt and my favorite hat for the reception, after pictures were taken. 

My brothers used to always joke that I was "the sixth grade lesbian" even though I was straight. Maybe they did it to annoy me, as brothers do, or maybe they knew something I didn't. I dated guys, though they were never serious or very intimate. It wasn't until college that I met someone who would change everything. There was an immediate magnetic feeling towards her that I had never experienced. We started hanging out, she tried to kiss me but I panicked and dodged it, but then we moved on and remained best friends for the next eight months. I started to realize that I had feelings for her, but couldn't place it, and didn't want to ruin our friendship just so I could explore. It turns out, she is my soulmate and we have been together for 13 years and married for 6. 

Through our time together, she has been monumental for me discovering myself. When asked about my sexual orientation, my response is "I'm really into my wife" but don't have any more of a description than that, and I am ok with that. She started saying years ago that she would still love me if I was trans. I thought she was ridiculous for saying that, there was no way I was trans. I was not a man, I was her wife. It wasn't until I cut my long hair off that I started to learn about myself. I never cared much about how I looked and didn't think I was attractive (I also didn't think I was ugly), but after I cut my hair, I felt good and started taking care of my appearance more. I couldn't stop playing with my hair and fixing it; I wanted a whole new wardrobe, and started taking my wife out on more dates. My confidence went through the roof! 

After a couple years with my new hair, I started working at JCOS where gender pronouns were accepted and there was a variety of people. I had never really met a trans person before, and now I was surrounded by staff and students who were gender diverse. I started recognizing that I didn't feel like a woman, and I never really had, but I still didn't feel like a man. I started doing research online and checking out books from the library. I started trying out new pronouns at home to see what fit better. Hearing female pronouns in response to me was prickly and felt like someone calling me a slur. I found that they/them felt the best and came out to my friends, family and workplace as gender neutral. I identify as gender neutral because gender doesn't matter so much to me, I just feel like a person and want to be recognized as one before my gender or sexual organs. 

I started feeling euphoric in my new identity, but was feeling even more disconnected from my body. I didn't feel as comfortable in my clothes as I used to and I was tired of being called "miss" and "ma'am" in public by strangers, and sex made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Again, I turned to Google and looked into medical transition. I started testosterone in 2023 and planned my top surgery (masculinizing mastectomy) for June 2024. Eventually, I may seek treatment for bottom surgery, however, that is still down the road and contains many risks that I don't know that I want to pursue. 

In conclusion, I continue to find happiness and euphoria. It is important to remember that everyone has a different experience and path to feeling good about themselves, trans or otherwise. Each person also engages in understanding their gender and what it means to them. Toxic masculinity is something cis men deal with every day, and women also feel the pressure to be a feminist. Gender is whatever you make it to be, and I hope that my story helps you understand yours a little bit more.