Q: How do I pay you?

A: I take a commission when the deal closes. You never have to write me a check, but you can surprise me with coffee (hot venti skinny vanilla latte ty)

Q: How much do I pay you in commission?

A: I take 3% commission when I sell your home, and 2.5% when I help you buy.

• Why is there a difference? When I sell your home I invest my own money to pay for the photos and marketing. Helping you buy a home costs me primarily gas and my youth.

Q: How long does it take to sell?

A: Hmmmmmm. Well. That is a great question. It depends on how the market is looking (for example, spring is always the busiest), but it also depends on how you price your home. YOU get to choose the price. I will give you my opinion but at the end of the day it is your choice. Be warned, if you want to list a home I think is worth $500k for $600k, we can't work together. I invest my own money into marketing, so I only want to do that when I know you are being serious and realistic about what the market will bear, and I feel confident that at some point my investment will pay off.

Q: How long does it take to buy?

A: This depends on you. idfk. You gonna be weird about paint colors?

Q. How do I hire you?

A. First you fill out this form to give me some basic info about you and your sitch. Then we meet up for coffee/bev of your choice and we get to know each other. If the vibes aren't there for you, you are not required to work with me. If they ARE, then we can sign some paperwork and get into the nitty gritty. That's it. That's the whole thing. 

Q. What if I hire you and then discover I hate your guts and never want to see you again?

A. Yes, this is a real consideration. You can fire me. We part ways. It only gets sticky if I find you a house, you fire me, and then end up buying that house. So don't do that.

Q. Do I HAVE to hire an agent to buy or sell a house?

A. No, my dude. You do not. You also don't have to hire a private investigator to spy on your partner, but it's probably a better idea than DIYing it. 

Q. If the previous owners of a home gave a vampire permission to enter, does that permission carry over if the property changes hands?

A. Real estate law can vary state-by-state but in Utah, yes, vampires have perpetual permission that is tied to the property, not the owners. 

Q. Can I use the toilet in the houses I am touring?

A. There is always the possibility that the water has been shut off in a vacant home. 

It's important to ask yourself:
-Is there toilet paper?
-Am I braver than all the Marines and willing to face the consequences if this goes sideways?

If you can't say yes with 100% confidence to those questions, you're better off scurrying over to 7/11.