John Flores...And The Stuff That I Write

Not Really McLovin' It

December 19, 2024

The McRib is back...but with a caveat

Last night, I had the chance to escape for a while and meet up with a friend in support of my alma mater’s high school marching band, who was fundraising at a nearby McDonald’s by purchasing a cookie tote with a portion of the proceeds going to the band, plus (oh, I hope I win, I hope I win) a chance to win a bicycle. Now, to be honest, I’m not exactly thrilled about winning a bike because I would look like one of those Russian circus bears, wobbling around the three rings to the joy of the crowd, with the goal of reaching the treat in the trainer’s hand. But hey, I’ve seen those bears—they make it look easy.

Upon arrival, I saw my friend standing with the drum line (who were the band members benefitting the most from the fundraiser) and she had to stay outside while the band put on a concert of chaos—mostly just noise and random thumping rather than an actual percussion performance. I told her that it was not a problem as I needed to have some dinner (it was 6 pm) and since I needed to get the cookies, it’d be a time-saver to consolidate my cookie and dinner purchase, while figuring it wouldn’t hurt to try McDonald's for the first time in ages. After all, my Ozempic meds were taken, and I was feeling surprisingly good despite the higher dose. Time for some junk food, right?

Hoping I’d win the bike? I already won! Not the bike though—I walked in and immediately saw that the McRib was back and I had been waiting for this moment. I knew exactly what I was going to order—my nostalgia was kicking in hard. However, I was looking at the staff, and was amazed how there was no uniformity of neatness in any of the people working there. Purple and green hair, anarchy jackets on staffers while working the drive through, employees stopping to stare at their phones, and most importantly was the fact that no one seemed to notice that I was there waiting for my order to be taken.

After a few minutes of waiting, I was able to flag down someone to take my order. While the rest of the world used the self-service kiosks (I’m old school sometimes), I finally got my order taken. Yes, I would have a McRib meal (sure supersize it—I’ll save the fries for Buster and Ellie when I get home) and have a side of McNuggets tossed in there for posterity. I took my receipt and wandered over to the drink station and got my drink and then set off in search of a table that would accommodate my large size. And that’s where the real adventure began. Booths? Too tiny. Stools? Forget that noise. I needed a chair that pulls out and I found one—at a table next to a trio of high school girls, engaged in some bizarre lip-syncing language that didn’t involve much actual speaking or actual moving of lips. I was hesitant to approach the table because the last thing I wanted to do was come across as a creepy old guy trying to eavesdropping on teen gossip.

I sat down and stared at my phone, the universal sign for "I’m not interested in your gossip, future world leaders." But let’s be real—I couldn’t exactly ignore the drama. According to what I heard: Freddy likes Amelia but hasn’t told her, but Felicia also likes Freddy, and meanwhile, Brandon is texting one of them, sparking a group strategy session on what exactly she should say back. Then, the pièce de résistance—a picture popped up on one of their phones. “Oh my god!” she exclaimed, and suddenly, chaos erupted. One teen launched themselves across the table like a caffeinated squirrel, trying to see the picture. But the girl with the phone wasn’t having it. She clutched that smartphone with the determination of an NFL running back protecting the ball in overtime. Honestly, it was the most action-packed lunchtime I’ve ever had without leaving my seat.

After my live TikTok performance next to me, my McRib arrived, and let’s just say, it looked like it had been assembled in the middle of a tornado by a hungover teenager having a bad hair day (believe me, there were a lot of them working with bad hair). I took a bite and immediately thought, "Well, I guess this is what happens when you don’t listen to God about your dinner choices." It was... not great. But, being a trooper, I powered through and saved the fries for my dogs, Buster and Ellie, for when I got home.

As I sat there munching away, I couldn't help but wonder how, since California just passed a law bumping fast-food workers' minimum wage to $20 an hour, McDonald’s employees could just throw together a sandwich, which didn’t require a lot of brain power—meat, sauce, pickles, and onion on a bun. I’m not expecting Michelin star quality, but make the damn thing look nice at least!

As I was finishing up my McRib, my friend joined me for coffee. She sat down, turned at the WWE participants next to me (still wrestling for the phone) and sternly asked them what they were doing sitting there. It turns out that they were part of the drum line, slacking off inside the restaurant performing wrestling maneuvers for one girl’s phone instead of performing with the rest of the group outside. Actually, one of these young ladies wasn’t even supposed to be there, having been kicked out of the band weeks ago for being rude and causing trouble. We had a good talk about how some students just don't want to put in the work and how it leads to drama like this.

We wrapped up our night, and I made sure to buy some fresh fries for my wife (because what says “I love you” more than fast food fries?) and a couple of cheeseburgers for the dogs (because they totally deserve to live their best life too). Then it was homeward bound. After catching a movie and retreating to my office to finish up some work, I tuned into a podcast that, ironically, was talking about the sad state of today’s kids—perfect timing, right?

One of the causes, according to the talking heads, was how reality TV has made rude and selfish behavior the new norm. Those famously rude reality personalities like Omarosa (The Apprentice), Puck (The Real World on MTV), and Johnny Fairplay (Survivor) have basically turned being a villain into a career path. I even reminisced on a previous blog post that the most memorable speech given in reality television history was given by Susan Hawk (Survivor – first season) to her “friend” Kelly, telling her that if she were dying on the side of the road, she’d leave her to the vultures! Those are the ones that everyone remembers and that the networks elevate upon their mantle of infamy. I guess you can call it "Reality TV 101: How to Be a Putz and Get Paid." Now, thanks to social media, pranksters are out there tormenting unsuspecting Walmart shoppers like it’s their full-time job. On top of that, we get to experience overpaid fast-food employees now. Who knew being annoying could be so profitable?

There is a famous poster of John Wayne (these girls next to me would not have had a clue as to who he was) with the caption: “Life’s tough. It’s tougher when you’re stupid!”  Amen to that. From outward appearances, the future would appear to be about as bright as fog season in Fresno if all of the kids in this world continue down this path. Fortunately, as the world had a remnant of believers to keep the faith of Christ alive over the years, we thankfully have a remnant of smart and hardworking kids who are there to keep the light shining in our society when we’re long gone.

As for the dimwits and slackers? There is some good news--for us: We don’t have to be like them. Sure, we might not make the headlines (but we can probably get a laugh when we one day read about their notable fails), but we can still make a difference in the lives of the people around us—through grace, kindness, and doing our best. Let’s be the people who leave a mark for all the right reasons, not the bad ones.

These are good lessons to learn, kind of like the lesson that McRib is giving my stomach today...