Jess Skypes 22 - 23

Another spectacular Monday has come and gone. According to how your day went, you can either read that literally or sarcastically. It works either way. My day was just another day. Mondays usually have lots of cranky people who don't want to be at work, so they are more challenging than other days. This one was no different. But I got my work done and got home so victory for me.

I know this day is probably the day in which you are the most tired and have the most to do, so I will try to keep it less than wordy tonight.

So tonight, I'm focusing on your gifts. How much credit can we take for the talents we have? Artists, scientists, everyone have a gift or two. And, we can definitely cultivate our gifts, improve upon them. You are much better at drawing than you were when you were younger, but you had the talent/gift to begin with. People with a high intelligence can be lazy bums or super successful people, it is all in how they choose to use their gifts. So there is something to be said for how hard you work with what you are given. But if IQ is something you are born with can you really take credit for being smart?

My context for this series of questions is the speech that Moses gave to God's chosen people right before he died and they occupied the promised land. He explained to them that the people they were about to defeat were bigger, stronger, more numerous and better at fighting than they were. Make no mistake, when you win this battle it is because God delivered them to you. And not because you deserve it, but because He loves you and wants to punish their wickedness. But the Israelites still had to fight. He didn't just wipe the other races or nations out and let them walk in without having to do anything. They had to train, build weapons and fight. I'm sure some died, although I don't know that for certain, but seems like some would have. So there was a chance for them to become proud, to believe they had just outfought the other army. That they had earned the victory. That they did it on their own. We are the same. Pride is a dangerous thing. There is nothing wrong with looking at your journey and being proud of what you have accomplished despite the obstacles. Nothing wrong with accepting awards and trophies and receiving praise for jobs well done. I think it is just important to remember that we are where we are, and we have accomplished what we have accomplished, due in no small part to our loving God, who has bestowed upon us not only the gifts we use everyday, but also the grace and mercy to achieve victories well beyond what we are capable of on our own. He has placed people in our path, removed obstacles we'll never realize and guided circumstances for our overall Good, despite some of our less than great choices. Always remember to give thanks. I hope you have a great night. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

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Friday March 24, 2023 Missed Skype 214

Hiya kiddo! How was your day today? What was the best part? It has rained here all day, storming now and for a bit longer. But it isn't cold, so I'll take it. Burk has a birthday coming up, so that is the happenings going on here currently. You and you sister and I got him a gaming chair for his room. Your names are on the card.

I hope you have some fun this weekend. Whatever it is you enjoy now, if it's safe and legal I hope you get to participate in it. I'm not sure what I have going on this weekend, I know I would like very much to try to catch up on some sleep Saturday, but I'm not sure beyond that. Always something to do on the farm to help out if I'm looking for stuff. I won't be looking too hard this weekend.

In my bible study this week at one point in the 3 pronged reading of the bible I am where Jesus was healing on the sabbath. The teachers/leaders were waiting for Him to do it so they could be upset about it....and He knew it. So He put the question back to them and revealed their hearts to the crowd. No wonder they hated Him. We've all known people who were only sticklers about certain rules and loved to hold others accountable. The kind of folks who make a big deal about something that they really don't care about just so they can make someone look bad or get attention themselves. A lot of that in politics currently it seems. As a general rule I have found if someone has to read what they are upset about from pre-written statement, they are not genuinely upset. Basically it seems the Pharisees were trying to cancel Jesus...for healing on the Sabbath. They wanted to punish him...for doing a good deed, because "technically" He was doing work on the sabbath. This brings me back to an amazing truth about God that we always need to keep in mind. God sees thru the bull to the heart of the person. Laws are there for lots of good reasons, but God cares much more about intent than He does adherence to any given law. Why you did what you did is more important to Him than what you did. Because of this you can do a seemingly nice thing and it be a sin because of why you did the thing. Same thing with a seemingly bad thing, according to what the intent was it may have been the proper thing to do. So don't worry about mistakes you make along the way, but strive to keep your heart pure of evil intentions. That is the secret to happiness I think. Even when bad things are entertained by your brain, we all do that from time to time, get control of it as soon as you can and repent from thinking about the bad thing just like you would if you acted upon it. This is because Jesus says if you think it in your heart, then are already guilty of it. See, doesn't matter what you did...matters what your intent was. That makes thoughts dangerous when you allow them to go down the dark path, even if you don't act upon them. Self control is important inside and out. No one is perfect, you are going to slip up, we all do. The less mistakes the less consequences though. I want you to have a great life full of happiness. Self control is a big part of that equation. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

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Wednesday March 22, 2023 Missed Skype 213

You know that feeling when you are walking or running further or faster than you really want to for longer than you want? That feeling that your calves are lead weights with burning shins? Yeah, I was reminded of that today when I did my walking on the treadmill. I got up to 30 minutes today, which I know, doesn't sound particularly like a victory. We were trying to run 10 minute miles just a couple of summers ago...but I have done next to nothing since you've been gone. I'd like to blame it on the missing you, but it was a choice to stop. So now I have a much larger hill to climb to get back to reasonably healthy. I'm nearly 50, the muscles and cardiovascular system don't bounce back like they used to after time off from training. I hate running...hate it. I feel like it is only necessary when something much larger than you is chasing you with intent to devour you...but we have a treadmill and I need cardio, so walking is what I am starting with. It seemed easier when you all were here and had your own fitness goals with ROTC. We all just did what we thought would get us where we needed to be and encouraged each other along the way. It was a good summer or two.

So that is how my evening has went so far, I really haven't gotten out of breath yet, my muscles are so weak that I'm not taxing my heart and cardiovascular system yet. I'll be glad when the legs stiffen up and the cardio starts helping the cardio. So how was your day? What was the best part of it? I hope it was a good one. Mine was fine. It is supposed to warm up here soon, maybe spring is finally here. That would be wonderful news. Winter has been my worst season for years, it is the longest time we are apart...and since we've been forced out of contact it has just been that much worse. I still hope you get to spend fall and spring here sometime. Those are the best times to be outside and spending time together on the farm. You've really missed out on the outside activities. Kentucky in the summer is a bit on the warm humid side. Makes going outside a nice sweaty chore. We've made the most of it over the years. Remember when you were little and we set up the floodlights and papaw got you the truckload of sand? We would just go out at like 10 o'clock at night when it had finally cooled down and play in the sand half the night with the lights on. We put the bubble machines up in front of the box fans to keep the bubbles flowing and the bugs at bay. Memories like those make me smile and they tide me over till I can see you again.

In my Bible study, I'm at the part where Moses is speaking to the people right before they cross over into the promised land. You may not remember, but Moses himself was not allowed to go, because he had disobeyed and disrespected God along the way when he struck a rock for water which was not what God said to do. Before he parted ways with them to die, God had him basically remind the people of their travels so far. He discussed the good, the bad, and reminded them of how their choices and rebellion along the way had molded their journey. Fun Fact I did not know until today: The actual journey from the start to the finish can be done on foot in 11 days. The Israelites had to wander for 40 years on an 11 day journey because of their mistakes, lack of faith and rebellion. Most of them didn't even get to cross over, they had to die before the rest could go because of bad choices they had made along the way. I think there is a metaphor there for us and our own lives.

God has a plan for us. It may be a plan in which we can get there in 11 days if we make good choices and listen to His guidance. Years later we may still be wandering in the wilderness, but He still has the plan. The destination is the same, despite our misdirections. All things for the good. Of course there are things we can do, choices we can make that will deny us of the blessings, but He will still use us for good, perhaps for others even if we refuse to receive the good from Him. Make good choices my baby. Pray, Read, Study, and meditate. Find the 11 day journey as often as you can, but even when you are in the wilderness, don't give up hope. Every day we are allowed to wake up, it is a chance to try again and do it better. Let your light shine my love. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

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Monday March 20, 2023 Missed Skype 212

Well howdy girlie, how did Monday treat you? What was the best part of your day? I came home today and got on your treadmill and walked for 20 minutes today. Nowhere near where you all were when you were ROTC training for that fitness challenge thing, but it's a start for old man dad. Hoping I can get back in the habit of some physical activity outside of work. Working long hours is sometimes important to keep things going in your career or whatever, but it is also important to take time for yourself and physical activity. Balance is best. I'm hoping this might help me sleep better at night.

You have started another work week, that means one week closer to all the cool stuff that comes with the end of your senior year. As much as the future may give you the anxiety, try to keep your center, your perspective and enjoy your senior year that you have left. There will be plenty of time for fretting about the future, after prom and homecomings. You only get to do this one time, and despite the challenges you have faced these past 2 years without me, I want you to play the cards you've been dealt as best you can to enjoy your time as a senior. You'll never be younger than you are right now. Live your life my sweet daughter and laugh as much as you can as your senior year winds down. Work hard when you need to, and don't fall behind. Let your light shine in this dark world. You'll never know who you've helped, who you've influenced along the way. Be kind, share what you know about God and Jesus and don't be afraid. Everything is going to be okay. Although we don't know the plan, at least I don't, I trust that all things will work towards your good. Read your bible. Study the word. Pray to God and talk to Him about your hopes and fears. Admit when you are wrong and try to make mistakes right. And always laugh at dad's puns because they are punny...I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

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Saturday March 18, 2023 Missed Skype 211

We have had the tinies since Thursday Night. They just left, so I immediately came home and began to write this. I was just so tired last night I went to bed when I got home. So with it now being the weekend, I hope you have a delightful Friday night and are well into a wonderful Saturday. It has been bitterly cold all week and today is no different. Perhaps where you are you have been spared from this blast of winter at the threshold of spring. I hope so. Sunny days and mild temperatures are always so much better for my mood and I'm sure you are similar. So what was the best part of your day? I guess not counting talking to you, the best part of mine so far was spending time with the tinies. There was a particular moment last night when I was explaining to the kiddos that I didn't get to talk to you much but I still wrote you here, Brock said he missed hugging you and hadn't seen you for a long time. They were little the last time you were in town, so I thought that was very sweet that he remembered you that way and wanted to hug you. Of course we all miss you very much. The last time this happened you were one, and it lasted 15 months. I was so worried you were going to forget me or not even recognize me when I finally got the court system to enforce a visitation order in New York. But when you saw me you ran right to me...I don't remember a lot of specific details about moments that long ago, but I remember that meeting. I love you so very much. I don't care what you've been told or what's been said, when you and I are together again it won't take long for you to know what is true and what is not. I look forward to that day very much. As much as I want the time back we've lost, I know we'll never get it back and I know there is nothing that can be done as a consequence that will equal what we have lost. It is just all very unnecessary and sad. You didn't deserve what has happened. You were honest about what you wanted and trusted the right thing would be done. Lots of lessons to be learned from the experience I guess. In this life, we have to play the hand we are dealt. Some of it random, some of it the choices we made, and some result from the choices of others. However we ended up with the cards, we have to play it as best we can. I guess that's the lesson today. Our lives are an amalgamation of events, choices and consequences. All of them can be used for our growth and overall good if we can process and interpret them correctly.

Your lives are just beginning. You are about to turn the page in your childhood and truly start your journey to being an adult. I am excited for you in that you will no longer be at the mercy of family court, court orders and one parent or the other. You will truly be able to choose what is best for you from the many choices you have available. I pray that you can make those decisions in a way that brings you the peace and happiness you deserve. I'll be here all along the way when you want me. I'm not going anywhere. If it takes some time for you to figure out what is real and what was not, I'll still be here. I've done nothing this entire time but try to be the best dad for you in the amount of time we've had together. I've tried to keep your home yours, our time ours and if you have enough time away from certain influences I believe you will see that. I regret the time we've lost, but I'm not worried about how this will all turn out. I've got time and truth on my side. Everything will be okay eventually. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

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Wednesday March 15, 2023 Missed Skype 210

The transition to fast time continues. It is odd writing this while the sun is up. I feel like I got home from work early, yet it is nearly 6 o'clock. I do not like the days following the time change. Everything is out of whack.

So how was your day? I know we are mid-week, hopefully you had your early dismissal today and had some time to get your assignments done and now you are free to do whatever you want until bedtime. We had a G day today, which is a state legislature term for a day that is in a teacher's contract where they have to attend training or whatever but kids don't have to come to school. So I got tons of stuff done because everyone was in training and no one broke anything in their rooms today..huzzah.

Today's main focus was migrating our current district website to the new one. I am also creating an app to accompany the district page roll out. Now that sounds much more techy than it actually is, the website hosting company is actually hosting the app as well, so it's not near as involved as it may appear. I mainly just had to follow instructions from a book and turn certain things on and allow certain permissions so they could make it happen. I will be developer in the apple store now though, that is kind of neat I guess.

I know it's Wednesday and you are smack dab in the middle of a super long week. I won't keep you much longer. My Bible study today was about Balaam and his talking ass...which is just as hilarious as it sounds. Makes me wonder about angels. I wonder if they abide at a frequency of light that we simply can't see? I guess that isn't plausible because we have imaging technology that sees other frequencies, but what if they are a frequency we haven't discovered yet? I bring this up because in the story the angel was visible to the donkey but not to the man. There are other parts of the bible where some people are allowed to see the angels around them and others are not. Just a theory. I really think God works within the parameters he built for this world in a large part. He made the rules so He knows best how to utilize the moving parts to bring about the results He wants. At any rate, the lesson for today is to not assume you know what is going on just because you can see what's going on. Sometimes there are things happening behind the scenes, in the background, or other places entirely that completely change what your perception of reality is for a given circumstance. Yes keep your eyes open and trust your senses, but at the same time always be open to new information. Don't jump to conclusions, gather as much information as you can before you make one. One lie believed, or false assumption, can send you down the wrong road entirely about any given situation. That can make you treat people incorrectly or make you feel about them a way that they don't deserve. Just always use caution when you are having to base what you know on others' accounts...or even on your own eyes. Sometimes there is more going on than you can see in your field of vision.

I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

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Monday March 13, 2023 Missed Skype 209

It is Monday and it was bitterly cold today. I'm not even sure that bitterly is a word? Miserably cold perhaps? At any rate, it was unseasonably cold and dreary today here which made Monday at least 3 days long it seemed. We went and got fence posts after school which made the day even longer. I have just walked in the door and plopped down...it is 7:30...yikes. I can remember being younger and going to play basketball at one of the schools from like 7 to 10 and then getting up the next morning and going to work like it was nothing. Now I feel like I've been run over by a truck if I stay out past dark. Enjoy your youth while you are young.

I know I am trying to keep Mondays short for you so you can concentrate on your studies and rest up for the rest of the week. So today just keep in mind that you can't put toothpaste back in the tube. In my bible study I read through the time that Moses and Aaron hit the rock after God told them not to hit the rock. This one act of rebellion, or lack of faith...got both of them condemned and not allowed to walk into the promised land. Sure, Jesus loves us, and He forgives us of our sins...but He rarely takes away the Earthly consequences of our actions. That is the toothpaste you can't put back in the tube. Moses and Aaron were both forgiven, and they both went to heaven...but they were denied the opportunity to receive the land promised to their people because of a rash, emotional decision they made along the way. I wonder how many blessings we have lost or changed here on Earth because of lack of self control or emotional decisions? Probably more than I'd want explained to me at this point.

My short lesson of the day. Try not to let your emotions rob you of blessings and good things. You can always be forgiven of your sins...but the consequences of your actions remain. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

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Friday March 10, 2023 Missed Skype 208

Well you have another week of education under your belt. One week closer to adulthood and whatever happens next. I hope it was a productive week, I hope you did well on whatever assignments or tests that came due this week. What was the best part of today for you? Pretend I'm there, say it out loud. Okay now what was the best part of the week? I guess the best part of my day is right now. Even though I haven't seen you for quite a while, typing here at least makes me feel like you'll get to read it someday. Small consolation for the time lost, but at least you will know I have set aside time every day when we were supposed to get to talk. Maybe it will matter, maybe it won't either way I don't have a lot of other options so here we are. When we were talking this was always the best part of my day. Talking to you, hands down the highlight of any evening.

It's cold here again, cold temps, cold winds, which isn't so bad...except we had a couple of 70 degree days not too long ago. Warm days like that make you hate cold days that come soon after. Add to that the fact that is was a full moon this past week and you get a week full of interactions with people who are in a bad mood, or crazy, or some form of both. If you are working in a service industry job at this point, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. I've just done my best to steer clear of most humans and burned through another week.

So in my 3 places at once Bible Study, I'm at the spot where God is dealing with stubborn Israelites in the desert, as well as the crucifixion of Jesus and still working my way through Proverbs. Those 3 things are seemingly unrelated, but at the same time they are all dealing with rebellion. So in the wilderness, the people are constantly complaining about the menu, scared of the people around them, and now, where I'm reading now they are deciding to worship, burn incense and occupy the promised land however they want to as opposed to how God wants them to do it. They really sound about 9 years old with some of the stuff they are pulling. But it reminds me of how many students conduct themselves here at the school and at home. Constant Negotiation. Nobody wants to do exactly what they are told, they want to negotiate to do things they way they want or at the time they want. Now you know I've never been a disciplinarian when it comes to bath times or chores or anything like that...heck we've not had enough time together for us to worry about things like that. But there are sometimes when you need to just do what you're told. This reminds me of the talks we had when you were younger. Remember when we talked about there were certain times when I would say something and you needed to just do it? I forget what the secret word was now, but if I saw a danger...like a snake in the yard or a suspicious person in a restaurant or gas station, I would utter the phrase and you both would just do what I said or what we had agreed for you to do, without question or negotiation. We spent so much time travelling and using rest areas and eateries, it was important to keep you safe. I never abused the phrase and you never questioned me when I needed to use it. Well, I think anytime God tells us to do something in a particular way, that probably is one of those times when you don't need to negotiate. For the Israelites, being stubborn and negotiating got them a couple of pretty bad consequences. For one, God decided that none of the current generation would ever occupy the promised land. He marched them around in the wilderness until every last one of them died of that generation of people. Secondly, in the case of them worshipping incorrectly; he opened the ground up and swallowed them whole, with their entire families and then set 250 people on fire. Let me interject here and say I am so so thankful you and I are under the new covenant and have Jesus to intercede for our rebelliousness and stupidity.

Jesus's crucifixion was a similar negotiation. Right up until his arrest the disciples were negotiating for who would sit on His right or His left. The Sadducees and Pharisees were negotiating with each other and false witnesses trying to lie and find a way to arrest Jesus because they didn't like the way God was making them look. So instead of changing, they killed the messenger. I'm pretty sure that didn't work out well for them either.

Sometimes girls, we just have to do what we are directed to do. Not always. Sometimes people use their authority in a way that is wrong or manipulative...you should do this because I'm your teacher, or your parent. And the things they want you to do aren't best for you. In those cases, it is your right to not only negotiate but also to dissent. The Bible says to respect your elders and Honor your father and mother, but it does not say you have to do everything they say whether it is right or not. Praying for discernment helps you see when you should and when you shouldn't do what you are told by any particular person. If it is contrary to what the Bible says, well then it should be hard no.

I know it sounds complicated, but that is why finding people you can truly and sincerely trust is so very important. Trust is earned always, it isn't bestowed because of position or authority. Trustworthy people, don't mind earning your trust over time. If someone demands it because of position or authority, well they probably aren't people you can trust to begin with.

I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

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Wednesday March 8, 2023 Missed Skype 207

Boy this week is flying by for me. I hope you are having a great week. So what was the best part of your day? Did this best part make you smile? Man I hope so. Papaw said something at dinner that is totally true, but at the same time I thought it was also pretty insightful for the master of puns. We were talking about the time lost and the things that have been said and what the truth is...and papaw wrapped it up nicely and just said, "I just want them to have a good life and be happy". Yes please. That is the prayer. No matter what you are going through now or how you end up dealing with things when you are grown, those two things are always going to be my wish for you. I hope you will judge all of us by our actions, what you have seen with your own eyes and heard with your own ears. And in the end, I hope you can move past the manipulation, the lies and the negative emotions and be happy, and have a good life.

I know I went super long on Monday, so I will keep it short tonight. I think about you every day. I worry about you, and I miss you so so much. I still have faith, that at some point you will see the truth for what it is, and we will be together again. It is all going to be okay, as long as you keep trying to be better every day and studying and praying and cultivating self awareness. I have no doubts that God's Will will be done. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you. I'm here if you need me. Love, Dad.

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Monday March 6, 2023 Missed Skype 206

Glamorous Jobs...the kind that just seem like a dream to do...well those are few and far between. For every spokesmodel who makes commercials there are the folks who clean the toilets. So I am still in Leviticus trudging my way through the chapters about the Levites. Lots of very specific information within these pages. Instructions are as prevalent as beatitudes. The jobs of maintaining and moving the tabernacle were numerous. Lots of parts and pieces that had to be carefully covered, stored and moved as the Israelites moved throughout the wilderness towards the lands God promised them. It was one person's job to cover the incense burners for example. And if this person did not cover the incense burners correctly, well when the next person picked them up to carry them, they died. Just because a job isn't glamorous, doesn't mean it isn't important. There were Levite tribes that had the job packing the robes and the wood beams. That was all they did. A tribe of over 2,000 men between the ages of 25 and 50 and their sole purpose was to pack the ropes and timber from one campsite to another. And each man was assigned a particular piece to be responsible for. So there was accountability.

It is easy to wish for a glamorous job, or to envy those who have it. Sometimes in our envious daydreams it makes us do our jobs less than spectacular. You start thinking, nobody cares, my job isn't important. But there are some things here you need to consider and be aware of.

First and probably most important, envy is a sin. So if God has set aside this feeling and said to us it is a bad thing, there must be a good reason why. Secondly, even though our Job may not be life or death, although most jobs can be if you don't do them well, the Bible says that if you are a Christian, no matter what job you're undertaking you are to do your best at it. From making your bed to open heart surgery, we are supposed to attend to things with precision and care. Why? Because beauty, life and accomplishment are in the small details. And small details are what suffer when we don't do a good job.

Imagine how screwed up our universe would be with the laws of nature and physics if God didn't pay attention to details. Life couldn't exist. Our maker is a details kind of God, and He expects us to take the time to notice and attend to those as well. No matter what your part time job is, do it the best you can.

Gross story...which are the best stories aren't they? Anyway, when I was in high school I worked summers through a summer program at my high school. For 2 summers I worked at the Housing Authority, which is the low income housing apartments. Most of the time, I weedeated but on rainy days I was put with the maintenance crew working on apartments that people had left a mess and needed to be cleaned up and fixed before someone else could move in. Let me just say that people can be horrible. These apartments were like crime scenes. Some of these folks had been evicted and had months to do horrible things before they were forced to leave. Like poop in sinks, leave nasty food in refrigerators and unplug them. They were mad at their circumstance and took it out on the apartments and us. Well whenever I got cleanup crew, the older guys always made me do the worst stuff. In fact, sometimes they made even more messes before I got there, I was on my way to college and I think they thought that meant I thought I was better than them. I never said that, and I never treated them with anything but respect, but some people judge before they have all the information.

So long story short, I always cleaned whatever they told me to clean. I tried to pretend that if it were my house, or my family was going to move into the apartment next, how would I want it to look. It was gross and I could have easily did half as much work and believed that it wouldn't matter one way or the other.

Flash forward nearly 5 years, I was out of school and had my teaching job. I had a kid fall on the playground and break his wrist. He was a big boy, but I managed to pack him into the school, he was so upset he wasn't walking and I didn't have the proper things out there to splint his arm. He had been play wrestling and I had already told him to stop, but he had learned the hard way why we can't do that out amongst tree roots and hard surfaces. Well he told the story very differently than it happened when he was asked by his parents what had happened. They requested a meeting and I was afraid it was going be a mess. Some parents don't believe their children would ever tell a lie to them. On the contrary mamaw and papaw were very sure that I told lots of lies. I'm sure there is a balance somewhere in the middle.

Anyways, they come in and the dad is one of the guys I worked with. He listened the principal and then he looked at me and he said, "If you are telling me that is how it went down, then that is how it went down." He then went on to tell the principal that he had worked with me previously and had been pretty rough on me on purpose and that I had always did what I was supposed to and had been truthful with him. My insignificant job all those years ago, helped me in my "career" that day. The man said I earned his respect, and even though he wasn't a glamorous or important person, I felt good that I had. Even if he shouldn't have done some of the things he had done.

You never know when some little thing you do, or forget to do, becomes a big thing later on. You never know when you interact with someone how that might affect your future later on, or theirs. I think that is why God wants us to attend to everything with focus and precision. He knows how all the points intersect, we don't. So we have to treat every moment like it is worth focusing on. After all, we only get one life, you go through it without ever doing things well, that's not a good life. Sorry I wrote so much tonight, I know Monday's are usually exhausting. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

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Saturday March 4, 2023 Missed Skype 205

Well I did not get to write this last night, we had the high winds and no power. The power went off around 3 in the afternoon and did not come back on until 5:16 Saturday Morning. A couple of interesting tidbits about that. First, we had the lowest barometric pressure ever recorded here yesterday during the storm. I thought that was interesting. We also had winds that were really strong. I haven't seen what the highest wind was recorded but they forecasted it as possibly being 80 mph yesterday. There are lots of buildings without roofs and various wind damage stuff this morning. Papaw is going to go around the fence today to see if we have any trees on it. They had like 3 trees get blown over within sight of the house yesterday afternoon. It was pretty wild here for a while. Obviously not hurricane/tornado wild but still sustained winds for hours. Like nothing I've experienced before. I guess I can mark that off the list. Biscuit stayed on our porch the whole time. I made it safe for her and fixed her a warm spot and she just curled up and waited it out with me. I had a candle when it got dark, obviously you know we had tons of lanterns and battery powered stuff, but I didn't know how long the power was going to be out, there were over 200,000 people without power statewide last night, so I assumed our little farm would not be a priority so I thought the candle was enough for me to use on the first night. But today the sun is shining the power is on and everything smells clean and crisp from the rain yesterday. We'll see how many trees fell on fences in a bit, I wanted to get this done first in case you were wondering where it was.

I hope you had a wonderful week at school, I am not sure what the timeline for your school year is, but I know the folks around here are already getting sized up for graduation robes and are thinking about prom and such. Our special events will all be in May, I assume yours will too, but kids like to get excited about special events early. Well since it is Saturday now, I hope you have your homework done for the weekend and are relaxing or enjoying a hobby. Maybe you are working now? Maybe you are getting ready for a shift at whatever your part time job is? Mattie has been working weekends for a while now, I think she enjoys having a crew of people to talk to while she is there. She is currently working at FoodLion which is a grocery store, but I think she is looking for another job now. They are really putting the hours on her now since she has turned 18 so that is making her balance of social life, school and work suffer. Balance is an important part of your life no matter what age you are. You have to work to live, but if you work too much well then your life suffers.

This is why it is so important to ultimately have a career as opposed to a job. Jobs are a near constant amount of hours. Perhaps there is overtime (which sometimes is "mandatory overtime") but for the most part jobs are a grind that are predictable. But they also pay a lower, predictable salary. The more hours you work, the more money you make. Jobs can often lead to promotions here and there. There is nothing wrong with having a job, especially early on in your life. They teach us all valuable lessons about people and economics and responsibility. I have had numerous jobs in my life, I started working as soon as legally could. And helped your papaw with his side business even before that. I am not disrespecting anyone for having a job and working for their salary. That is an honest living.

As much as a job is a good thing, a career is usually better. I say usually there because this is not a one size fits all world. Careers are like jobs in many many ways. Usually careers have a specific certification or license you have to earn before you are allowed to work in them. That also means that they usually pay a better salary than a job. So sweeping up at the hair salon is a job. Cutting hair is a career. The beautician makes more than the helper. The same goes for most trades and other careers. Most plumbers and electricians make more than I do and I have 3 college degrees. So going to college, although a great way to prepare for a career, is not always necessary to have a high paying career. There are many paths to achieve financial security. Most careers do involve you completing some sort of school or training to prepare you for certification. Lawyers go to law school, and nurses go to nursing school. Some lead to 2 year or 4 year degrees, some just lead to certification in your field. Careers usually mean you work a great deal when you are starting out and younger, but as you advance in your field you can tend to work less hours as you get older. The pay usually goes up quite a bit as you progress in age as well. Careers also usually have a better retirement plan than a job. Although nowadays often companies leave it to you to figure out your retirement strategy on your own. In those cases, a career usually gives you more money to invest for your retirement than a job does.

I know this is a lot to process, and normally you and I would talk about this in small chunks all along the way as you journey into adulthood. But I want you to have a grasp of why the decisions you make now about your future, will guide you towards one or the other. There is nothing wrong with following your dreams as long as you don't expect others to pay for them. You need to be self sufficient so you can make your own decisions and not be manipulated by folks who may not have your best interests at heart. I know so many people in unhappy marriages or miserable at their jobs, but they don't make any changes because they feel like they can't make it on their own if they do what needs to be done to make themselves happy. Or maybe the better analysis is they are not willing to change their standard of living to make the changes needed to be happy. I want you always to have choices. If you have a good career, you will be able to have more choices about your life. If you choose to be with someone, to share your life with them, it will be because you want to, not because you need them to have a roof over your head or a nice car. I just want you to be happy, inside out.

You are still young and mistakes will be made. Don't ever feel like you can 't take a look at the career path you are on and make changes if you don't feel like it is for you. Just keep in mind that means you have to keep a job longer...while waiting for your career to start. It is all balanced and filled with lots of moving parts. But you can do this. You can have a good life. You already work hard, and that is something that is a rare quality in our current workforce. You just don't want to work hard for less than you can make if you apply yourself the correct way. I love you, I can't wait to help you sort it all out. I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

jfelty351@gmail.com (2 errors)

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Wednesday March 1, 2023 Missed Skype 204

Well you've made it to the middle of another school week. Hooray for you. What was the best part of your day today? It was very warm here and sunny, we are about to have the rains come and storms now, but it is worth it for the day we had. Spring always makes me feel happier than winter. I hope you got to see some sun today, got outside and breathed some fresh air. Nothing wrong with just sitting for minute and contemplating life on a day like this.

I know it is the middle of the week, and I try to not be so wordy on Wednesdays, but today's bible study was very interesting for me. So we're at the point in Jesus's life in which he's basically telling the discipiles what is about to happen to Him. Instead of speaking in parables He is just laying it all out very directly. So when He finishes telling them about His betrayal, His death sentence, He goes into detail about flogging and whips and such...well after He gets done explaining all of that, James and John ask for a favor. Are you kidding me?!? They want to sit on the right and left of Him when He sets on His throne. Now, on the one hand, I mean at least they had the faith to believe that He was going to rise as He just said He would...but after all He told them, that is what they answered with. A favor. A request. For special treatment. At first I was almost aggravated, then I realized (because Sarcastic Jesus has impeccable timing) that we are all like them. We can be having conversations with Jesus, prayers...and while He is trying to help us see how we can make ourselves in a better position to do His will and help others escape hell, we are reciting a list of requests and demands that we would like for him to consider getting done before tomorrow. We've all done it. Please Lord do this, forgive that, make this happen, change that thing...The patience Jesus has for us, the Love...it really is unfathomable by humans.

So my little pearl for the evening, is next time you pray, listen more than you talk...ask for Him to reveal His will, study His word and then meditate on what those things should be. Try to do just a little for Him for all He's done for us. It's okay to lay all that other stuff on Jesus, He loves you and wants to hear it all, but our hearts need to be much more pointed towards serving Him, than Him serving us. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

jfelty351@gmail.com (2 errors)

270-999-2691 (7 errors)

Monday February 27, 2023 Missed Skype 203

Another long work week is upon us. These days of us being apart and no contact are just moving right along and piling up on us. I never would have thought it would have taken this long. I know this is temporary, I have faith that the truth will come out. That's the great thing about the truth, folks can try to cover it up, manipulate it, twist it and pretend it isn't what it is...but it always comes out. In the meantime, we just keep swimming.

I've written this a couple of times tonight, and now it's so late, I know you won't see it until tomorrow at least...I'm sorry it took so long tonight. It's just hard to find the words to be encouraging or understanding, when I know so little about your current situation. Any guess I take may be wrong on any given day. Just know that I love you. No matter what kind of a day you had, great or horrible, how I feel about you is a constant, not a variable. I miss you. Mamaw and papaw said tonight as I was leaving to come home, to tell you that they loved if you if I was allowed to say that on here...they are so concerned about you. You are loved. And you are worth it.

Keep your head up this week. Stay on top of your assignments and get plenty of rest. Enjoy the sun when it shines and find a reason to laugh...every day. Be happy, despite your circumstances that would try to steal your joy. Use your gifts to fight the good fight, and talk to God every day, even if it's just a check in conversation. You are going to be okay. You've got a great head on your shoulders, you are smart, funny and have excellent problem solving skills. Break big things down into smaller things and accomplish the smaller things in order. Pretty soon the big things will be complete. You have tremendous potential....don't waste it. So many people would give anything to have the mind, the gifts you have. Keep perspective...things can always be worse. Take care of yourself, you are the only you I'll ever have. And you are very special. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

jfelty351@gmail.com (1 error)

270-999-2691 (2 errors)

Friday February 24, 2023 Missed Skype 202

Hooray for Friday! I hope you had wonderful, productive week. You have a whole weekend ahead of you, I hope it is a great one. Take some time to plan it out, what you want or need to get done, what you would like to do...just enjoy the fact that you have a couple of days to do whatever you like (within reason of course). We're not going to Uncle Jon's this weekend so I have some time to catch up on chores. The tinies spend the weekend last week with us and ended up down here for most of the day on Monday during the holiday....so your room has had an Ada Potato in there looking at dolls and playing with the toys you loved most when you were her age. She was careful with them and felt very special to get to see what you had when you were her age. Brock stayed in the living room mostly and ran over things with a big truck in a video game. He enjoys the simple things. :)

So I am going to get your things put away, the laundry caught up, I need to clean the kitchen and go to the grocery. So just a normal Saturday for me at the Double Rainbow. I wonder what your "normal" is like these days? What routines do you value, what things have you moved on from. So many things I'd like to know about your life. You will be a completely different person in some ways by the time I'm finally allowed to communicate with you again. I look forward to meeting her, this new you. You'll always be my precious girl, no matter how old you get or how you change or transform.

How was your day today? What was the best part of your day? I'd love for you to tell me all about it. What made you laugh, what got you aggravated....I am going to want to hear it all. I love you.

Well I'm still knee deep in the old school rules and regulations in my Bible Study. There were quite a few. Many of them are punishable by death, and I am sad to admit I have been guilty of more than a few that apparently would have resulted in my death upon discovery all those years ago. It would have been very difficult to have followed all of the rules, as it is now I guess. Same rules now, just different penalties? That I'm not sure about. Like take the food for example. There all kinds of rules about what not to eat, and there were many animals that just touching their dead bodies made you unclean for the entire rest of the day...but then later on in the New Testament there were modifications to that set of rules and we were told that no animal was unclean for consumption. So when you are reading these old testament passages you need to temper your understanding about what God is saying with changes that were made along the way. Many of the rules that were made early on, were made for health reasons as much as anything else. God was looking out for their wellbeing and their limited understanding of science would sometimes but their health in danger. Just like in life, there are many moving parts in regard to the "why" rules are made the way they are. Sometimes you will make rules for your home to keep people safe physically, and sometimes you will draw lines in the sand to keep them safe emotionally and spiritually. God is the ultimate parent, He doesn't make rules willy nilly, there is always a reason that ends up making sense and is for our benefit and good will. We see Him as harsh as a child fighting against the injustice of an early bedtime...we just don't understand always why. And, just like a parent, He doesn't have to always tell us the why. Sometimes we just have to do what we're told. Trust and have faith that He knows best for us. That is very very hard. But in life oftentimes, we don't have a choice anyways, so off we go.

My takeaways from today's study, just because we can find a very specific verse in the old testament that says something is wrong or required, we should also take that verse in the context of what is written around it as well as what was said after Jesus walked the Earth and died for our sins. Maybe the rule hasn't changed, just who pays the penalty. Or maybe the rule was based on the time circumstances which have changed over the millenia. If we don't know for sure, better to try to avoid it than to test the waters...but always study. God is consistent and unchanging. I know that is weird coming right after my takeaway, but it is true. He still wants a relationship with us, He still wants what is best and right for you and I. That has never changed. He has came from where He is to where we are this whole time...we've been the ones constantly changing and He has reached out to us despite our slow descent into depravity and sin. He is just and merciful. I am far more thankful for the mercy the older I get. So as you read the old testament, also read the new. Don't let people quote things to you and say this is from the Bible or that is from the Bible so it must be true, or so it proves God is hateful or whatever. God has been taken out of context about as much as all the other instances of such behavior combined. He has been used to justify wars and countless crimes. People who do that are guilty of corrupting the gospels and that is a sin. But even deeper, people who do that are also turning people from salvation. Don't be those people and don't allow those people to turn you. God is Love. If you remember no other bible verse in all the Bible, keep that one close to your heart and believe it with all your heart. The other I would suggest is very different but also important. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom. Figuring out how those 2 verses describe the same God...that is the secret to a life well lived. I love you, I miss you, and I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

jfelty351@gmail.com (0 errors)

270-999-2691 (8 errors)

Wednesday February 22, 2023 Missed Skype 201

We are in the middle of another work week. I have tried to modify my technique on Wednesdays so I don't write you as much...I figure this is your max stressed day, middle of the week, so things to get done, so I have tried to shorten the Wednesday posts. I hope it helps. Well, I hope you are done with all your homework and are relaxing doing something you enjoy when these finally come out on Wednesday evening. Maybe you read them days later, heck maybe it will be years later or not at all. Just trying to do what I can in the meantime.

I'm still knee deep in old testament rules in my bible study, but today during the reading the thing that struck me was how specific the rules were and how harsh the penalties were. 2 of Aaron (the priest) sons like burned the incense incorrectly and were struck dead. That is a far cry from our ability to worship and speak to Jesus nowadays. I can't always keep my phone put away during the church service...and these folks were jumping through all kinds of hoops and obstacles to worship God in the way he deserved. So the quick to the point lesson tonight is this: Don't take how easy it is to talk to Jesus for granted. I do sometimes, most of the time I guess. Reading through this old testament is important, it is valuable because it illuminates for me just how much easier it is for us to talk and have a relationship with God now than it was then. When Jesus came and interceded for us, became that blood sacrifice in our place, He became the intermediary for us. We can go directly to Him and speak honestly about how we feel, what we've done and He will meet us with Love and Mercy. Someday you will understand just what a wonderful thing that is. I urge you to read through the old testament when you get a chance, if for nothing else just to see how much easier it is with Jesus in our lives than it was without Him. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad

jfelty351@gmail.com (one error)

270-999-2691 (11 errors...good grief)

Monday February 20, 2023 Missed Skype 200

I've never been able to type the numbers...Fun fact, I won the typing award (yes that was a real thing) my freshman year of high school...had the highest average and fasted per minute time in the entire high school. To this day I still fumble around on the top keys trying to hit the right number the first time. I say this because this is my 200th missed skype entry. I've typed my email and phone number nearly that many times (I didn't start including them for a bit I think) but you would think by now I would be better at all those numbers...still fumble. I thought about why today as I was contemplating what to write to you about and the only thing I can come up with is that I haven't focused on them. I've typed them 3 days a week for nearly two years now, but when it comes to the numbers I just fumble through and go on. So I can't count these entries as practice for my numbers, because I wasn't focusing on the numbers.

I was speaking with someone the other day, and we were talking about the state of the world, humanity and the general dismal outlook of us ever becoming better than we are as a society. I believe my lack of numerical typing prowess and the decay of society are related...they both stem for a lack of focus on improvement.

As humans, we get into cycles or ruts in life. Times in our lives where we aren't particularly happy, or maybe we are, but we don't really focus on getting better we just kind of go on autopilot for days, weeks, sometimes years. During that time we don't take care of the small things like we should, we don't focus on things we need to improve upon and they become large things. I think this most often manifests itself in our sleep habits and our diet. Years of working too many hours and eating fast food or whatever is easiest (or cheapest) turns into diabetes or hypertension and the need for lifestyle changes as we get older.

You are a young healthy individual. As you grow and mature, I hope you take time to take care of yourself along the way. Eating a variety of foods, in moderation and getting adequate sleep are 2 things you can do that will go a very long way towards making you healthy as you grow older. Staying active and dealing with negative emotions and stress in a positive way are 2 more components of a long and happy life.

Focus on improving yourself, improving your life. There is a fine line between being there for others, and being dragged down by others. You have to find that balance. You can't be a lifeguard if the people you try to save drown you as well. Sometimes it is necessary to love people from a distance for your own sake. You can always pray for someone even if you can't help them. Some people don't want to be helped, they want you to be trapped with them. They just want company for their misery.

If you want to type the numbers...you have to focus on the numbers. Your life can be anything you want it to be, but you have to devote the time and effort to what you want to improve. Where you place your time and attention, that is where you will grow. We burn through a day of our lives every 24 hours...and often at the end of that day many of us can't list many things we've focused on to improve. You only get one life to live here my sweet child. Use some of it on improving yourself. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you. I'm here if you need me, Love, Dad.

jfelty351@gmail.com (typed one incorrect number)

270-999-2691 (typed 9 incorrect numbers, man I have a ways to go)

Friday February 17, 2023 Missed Skype 199

So yesterday when I got up in was 65 degrees. Today it was 30. It has been blistery cold all day with a wind. Bleck. I did get a picture of your flowers, well part of them. Your papaw and I have been transplanting wild March Flowers in this spot since you were babies. Every spring when we find them in the wild on the creek banks and other places we would relocate them to your hillside out by the driveway. For a few seasons they wouldn't bloom at all. I don't know if we had sent them into shock, maybe not enough sunlight, might even only had one gender of flower...I don't really know a lot about Wild March Flowers. The past few years though, they have bloomed every year. March Flowers always seem overly optimistic. They pop out first warm spell and are often very quickly met with freezing temperatures and harsh conditions for a flower to survive in. But somehow, they keep blooming and fulfill their calling. They also add quite a bit of hope and happiness along the way. Usually when a young student brings flowers to their teacher in Kentucky, they are March Flowers they found while waiting for the bus to get there. In a forest filled with dormant trees and not much else in the winter, March Flowers remind us that better days are coming. Their bright color and ability to survive make me smile when I see them. So pretty and no one ever puts them there...well except for the ones we placed on your hillside. There is a store bought version of them, I forget what they are called, but they are lighter in color than the wild counterparts.

March Flowers are a lot like folks when they first become Christian I think. They convert and are this new beautiful flower blooming into a gloomy world. Immediately met with the harsh realities of our world. But they are noticed and give others hope and remind them that better days are ahead. It's not easy to be a March Flower. We can't make it easier for them either, so for a March Flower to survive it has to be strong enough. Same thing with a Christian. We can't make that life easier, we can just pray for strength to make you stronger. I know things aren't easy for you. Well in some ways I'm sure they are, you could definitely have it worse than you do now, we all could. But when things in your life seem overly difficult, unfair, harsh...I encourage you not to wish things were easier...wish you were stronger. If the first wish were granted then you would be just as bad off the next time something bad happened. If the second wish were granted then you would be better prepared next time to push through the difficulty. Your life will mold you into a relisiliant, strong, confident young woman if you approach it this way. You have the potential for all of those qualities and so many more. You can do this. You can push through to the other side. Don't let the journey steal your joy. The journey is all we have. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again. I'm here if you need me. Love, Dad.