Stranger in Me

Whenever a camera is pointed at me, I smile, pose, and make sure I get the best picture. I never realized why I do that until I read Susan Santog's On Photography in Platos's Cave. Photographs are memories of a slice of time, a few milliseconds of our life. Whatever happens before and after the picture is taken, is unknown to anyone but ourselves. When taking selfies, I often multiple photos, spending a decent amount of time in order to get what I feel is the best photo--best in the sense that it would look the best to anyone viewing from the outside. The one with the best lighting, smoothest reflection of the snow, best placement of my coat, etc. This is due to me often worrying about how I portray myself to the world. It can be called overthinking, i.e. worrying too much about things that in reality do not matter all that much. The world does not revolve around me, and just because certain things happen or do not happen, doesn’t mean it is due to anything I did or didn’t do. I think I worry about whether or not I will be appreciated by others. Whether it is when I take a photo, cook a meal, or buy a gift, I always seem to defer to what others want, without thinking too much about my own wishes. This can be detrimental long term to our self confidence and mental health though, so it needs to be balanced out with positive thinking. I care about others, but I should make sure to take care of myself.

The writer Susan Santog said photography is a capture of a thin slice of time. Photographs are far from reality, as seen in Santog's article, On Photography. We may only see a reflection of the world, or what is being portrayed to us, sometimes carefully organized to portray things in a certain way. While being photographed or taking photos, we omit what we do not want the world to see, and closely crop and edit the photo to only show what we want it to show. In the case of my selfie, the white snow looks pure and clean, providing a nice backdrop. However, immediately to my left, unseen in the photo, there was a large puddle of black, dirty ice, which I purposefully ensured was not seen. A selfie is not actually about our "self." We take it---and often retake it multiple times in order to get the right framing--for the world to see.

When we put these photos out in the world, we no longer own them. In a legal sense, we give up certain rights to them, to Instagram or other companies. On a more personal level, we take what rights and privacy we did have, at certain private moments, and open them up to the world. We no longer own that moment, own that piece that we had alone with ourselves and our own thoughts. We are now more worried about the physical appearance and beauty of the photo versus what that point of time when we took the photo meant for us. In this sense, we also, just slightly, lose our sense of honesty and openness. I think this is also becoming more evident with children, who now grow up with these devices in their hands practically from the day they are born. They also learn how to pose and place themselves in ways that look good from the outside but are just snapshots of a single moment in time--perhaps not reflective of who they really are between the times the camera is out. They can look sweet and nice in a photo, but be a terror otherwise. Santog said photography is not a mirror to reality, but an "interpretation," similar to paintings and drawings. She said photographers (in the case of selfies, ourselves), always impose standards on their subjects. I agree with her in this case, as no one wants a bad photo, especially of themselves. We always worry about what other people think about them, even though we ourselves, when we look at photos of others, typically do not concern ourselves with them for more than a few seconds.

Santog called photography "a way of certifying experiences...taking photographs, is also a way of experiencing it...by way of a souvenir." When we take a selfie, we always wish to remember an event, a time, a place that we experienced. We focus more on being photogenic than on enjoying the event. We take them due to social pressure that exists in the world to make sure that everyone knows everything we do, in every phase of our life, to portray a happy image, even if that may not reflect reality. This also helps fulfill the ego that exists in all of us, to give us a satisfaction, however short lived such satisfaction it may be. I also have such an ego, whenever someone likes my photo, I get small boost of happiness. Scientists may call this a dopamine boost. It can be unnaturally addicting and harmful if not done in moderation.

A self-portrait is a more intimate and emotional look at ourselves. They are often taken at times we are unaware or taken without the best lighting or physical appearance. We can have a rawer look at someone in a self-portrait. It has a more in depth meaning than a selfie, and has more meaning, from an emotional and inner thinking point of view. In my self-portrait, I was having coffee in downtown Chicago. I was warming up inside from the cold, which was one of the coldest days I have ever experienced, particularly as a newcomer to this country. I was thinking about how I ended up here, in a new city, new country, and what my plans for the future. I thought about the course load that I needed in order to become a physical therapist, and what I would need to do, including the classes I would need to take, and the experience I would need to earn, in order to reach my goal of becoming one in the next few years. There were a lot of emotions going through me at the time--anticipation, frustration, fear, as well as hope for the future and what it could hold for me if everything goes the way I plan. I know things will not always go according to our plans, but I hope that I can adjust and eventually be happy in whatever occurs. In this way, you can also see how a self-portrait is also an 'image' taken over longer period, vs a selfie, which is a snapshot of a second in time. This makes a self-portrait more powerful than a selfie, as it depends on the person looking at it to make their own impression and idea of what is going on in the photo.

Selfies and self-portraits both have their benefits and downsides. There is no way to fully understand what is going on in the mind of a subject of either type. There is another world going on in both types of photos. The camera renders a version of reality that always hides more than it exposes. What we see in a self-portrait is all in our interpretation, an interpretation colored by our imagination and experiences. This can sometimes be at odds with whatever the subject was thinking at the time the photo was taken. Photography is like painted arts, in that what we see may be beyond reality, and not reflective of reality, but gives its own take on it.

Photographs are a proof that someone existed in a certain place, at a certain time, but these proofs can be distorted and not tell the full story of what is happening around us. Photographs promote nostalgia, particularly with our childhood photos. We can see those pictures and see the person we used to be, and how we differ from the person in those photos, as well as understand how we remained the same. For most of us, photos have been a large part of our daily existence, especially in the past decade or so with smartphones providing unlimited photo opportunities. We have all learned to smile and put on our best faces for these photos. As seen in Santog's piece, “everything exists to end in a photograph.” We should think more about the necessity of taking innumerable photos versus experiencing life. Photography makes everything in the world seem like an illusion, and not part of reality. We should try to be more honest with our photography and opinions, which can have major impressions and true impacts on others.

Works Cited

Sontag, Susan. “In Plato’s Cave.” On Photography, Dell Publishing, 1977, pp. 3-24. Composition Flipped, Michael McGuire, writing101.net/flip/wp-content/resources/documents/sontag-in-platos-cave.pdf.