“I never really wanted to become a doctor growing up. I just kind of fell into it,” said Thomas, as he sipped on his favorite drink, a steaming white hot chocolate. It’s a drink he learned to imbibe in from his father, whose first purchase upon stepping foot inside the United States on a cold winter day was one of these drinks, meant to warm up his chilly family as they first took in their new home many years ago. Thomas was just a toddler then, and so does not remember much of anything of his previous life in India, but he has heard all the family stories. About how his father always wanted to come to the United States to make a better life for his family, how he worked in a separate city from his mother for the first few years of their marriage, and how he was raised by grandparents and relatives for the first three years of his life as his parents worked hard in other Indian states, before finally joining them on that trip across the world. It is a story I and my family friend Alex, who joined us this day for coffee, had heard many times before.
Even on the other part of the world, Thomas and his family were grateful that they were not alone. Family, both close and distant relatives, and newly found friends from the close-knit Indian community in the Chicago area all became a closely bonded group that shared food, babysitting duties, clothes, and helped each other in many other ways. This respect for family, both that of blood and friendship, was ingrained into Thomas from the beginning. “Everyone’s kitchens were open to everyone. In fact, I’d say it was probably considered an insult if I asked my uncle and aunt beforehand if I could have a snack.” Everyone’s bedrooms were used for various sleepovers, the living rooms for group TV watching, essentially recreating the communal homes and communities of India as best possible in a new locale. This
Along with the benefits of a community though, came pressures. Thomas always felt a constant push to keep up his grades and excel in his studies, just as his extended family members were. But merely excelling in studies was not enough, he needed to become an engineer or doctor. “Those were the only two options really in the Indian community. Anything otherwise, and you aren’t really considered a success. I bet even if I had become a lawyer my parents would still ask if I could change over the medical field.” These societal pressures were nonstop, and though Thomas accepted them as a part of life, he never considered them healthy or unhealthy. They were just the concerns of parents who didn’t want their kids to struggle as much as they did, and wanted them to succeed. After all, as they often told him, they wanted to come to this country for the betterment of their children.
“I was never particularly interested in medicine. But even though it was a dream of my parents, and not so much one of mine, I still understood it was a respectable position that provided decent earning potential.” He was interested in science and did well in those classes in high school. This pushed him to study science in college, where eventually he settled on pre-med. Though not by intent, Thomas had finally settled on the career path that his parents had long hoped he would take, the one that would fully and undoubtedly justify their move across the globe. After several years of sleepless nights, rotations around the state, non-stop exams, dealing with licensing boards, and listening to various ailments and patients of all backgrounds, Thomas finally achieved the goal of his parents, and to a lesser extent, his own. He was happy he completed it, but his parents were ecstatic. Graduating, being licensed, and starting out on his new career made everything they had gone through worth it.
Thomas has gentle, caring nature. He always understood how his parents struggled to get where they are and all the struggles they went through. He respected it, though he never quite felt the pain they went through, nor ever went hungry. His parents were never outright in their love for him, but he felt it all the same. This has translated to an effective bedside manner, something important in the medical field, as doctors need to know how to pass on sometimes unfortunate and devastating news to patients. But Thomas says it is important for anyone in the medical field to know how to separate their professional and personal lives, to not take home the burdens of the hospital or patients to your home or your family. Doing so will only drag on you, particularly since it’s a daily occurrence.
When asked if he would do anything different if he could go back in time, Thomas thought for a bit while stirring his drink, then started discussing the major role anesthesiologists play. “I’m in internal medicine, but I think I would have preferred to be an anesthesiologist. Less talking to patients, especially in times when they are most likely to cry and showcase their suffering. Anesthesiologists, if they do their job right, never deal much with suffering patients.” More internships before going to Rush Medical School would have also been helpful, he thinks, providing better preparation for the vastly different medical cases that disproportionately effect different communities. He wishes he had worked in a low-income area before or joined a free clinic for a short stint in Central America perhaps. A few months with Doctors without Borders may be in the cards, once he feels he is getting unsatisfied with his current situation. He envisions a future with his own clinic, where he would not be under the high stress environment of a hospital. Though he acknowledges that there are many other complications that come with such a move. Administration and overhead for example. But he would like to complete the final step of his parents’ dream for him when they first came here. A successful child who made it all worthwhile, all the long hours, the uprooting of their lives and starting off with little to their name. It would all make them proud, and even today, Thomas still desires the approval of his parents.
In a way, Thomas reflects the story of many immigrants. Though he hardly considers himself one, as he moved here as a toddler, and his only memories of India are from visits back to the motherland, the dream of his parents, and the push for their children to succeed, while staying out of trouble, are common to many people from all different ethnicities. While he never particularly intended it, he did end up living up to his parents’ high demands, though they still wonder how long it will take before he can become the CEO of the hospital.
Alex admitted he has always been impressed by Thomas’ uncompromising work ethic. He also was told by his parents that he should be more like Thomas, studious and doing all the right things, following the right path towards success. I personally feel that I can relate to the story he told about being a new immigrant from India needing to prove oneself. All three of us know of the pressures within our community, and how Thomas has lived up to them. Alex and I both have immense respect for Thomas, and Alex says he will tell his kids to look up to Thomas as an example. In effect, the cycle of respect, pressure, and incentives continues on to the next generation.
Works Cited
Daniel, Thomas, and Alex Philip. Living up to My Immigrant Parents’ Dreams. Interview by Jecin Joseph, 8 Feb. 2020.