10/02/2020
How does one balance so many tasks; hobbies (productivity), video-games (leisure), work, social life, writing, and cleaning? I don't!
In fact it seems that no matter what I always have to sacrifice one or two of these items. At the moment it's my social life. I always seem to stick to a schedule, and a few months ago that included talking to friends and playing various video games. Now it's been replaced by digital drawing. These things seem to come in waves. I don't mind it though, don't get me wrong. I'm just worried that others do. When you build up a reputation with people and a bond, and then go disappear for months... well I realise it's not fair on them but I also want to do what I love.
I don't thrive on close bonds, I have hardly any. I've always been slightly envious of those who seem to be showered with compliments and well wishing. I'm slightly envious of those who can rant their heart out and people will actually care. But at the same time, I don't think I'd be able to handle all the attention. It's work... talking to people, replying, trying to do so in an appropriate manner. It's not uncommon for me to just.. forget to reply to people - or go days on without a peep.
I just simply don't enjoy the social communication as I like everything else. Humans are complicated things... and it gets really tiring figuring out how to both be true to oneself yet also not offend everyone in the process. But when I sit in front of my computer and draw, or play a game, it's just me and an emotionless counterpart. And we can both occupy our time in silence.
That is all, signed Ellis.