June 14th, 2018

One year in China. One year living on my own, for real. One year since I said good-bye to my family at the airport in Madison. One year in which I've likely spoken more Chinese than English. One year of change, growth and new experiences. One year of discoveries. One year of time in which others have changed and grown, too, alongside me, or on the other side of the world. A year in which I didn't expect a few of my 'goodbyes' before service to be the final goodbyes I would ever have to chance to voice.

It's been a year that has at times felt long, and at others felt short. A year with memories I want to remember forever, with memories I've already forgotten, and memories that I couldn't forget no matter how much I try. A year with days when I've felt motivated to change the world, or at least my own little corner of it, and days when I felt I've lacked even the motivation to change the filter on the water purifier.

A year of cold winters, hot summers, dry desert air that drys clothes in an hour, humid air that soaks shirts in less than a minute, days with literally no sunshine, and days where my students made me their own sunshine.

A year in which I've questioned what I'm doing here in China, only to have the question answered before my eyes a few moments later. A year in which I've dreamed dreams, and then had to revise once I woke up to reality. A year in which I've felt both valued at site and taken advantage of, felt both like an exotic statue with a sign warning passersby to take pictures in lieu of getting close enough to know me, and blessed to meet people who want to get to know me for me.

In other words, it's been a year of life.

As I write this, the next group of Peace Corps Trainees are waiting out a delay on their flight to Chengdu to begin this experience anew. It's hard to think that this was me, just a year ago: sitting in the airport in San Francisco with people I'd met hours or minutes previously, sharing the last of the cookies my mom made for me before I left home. I'm wearing the same pair of shoes now as I wore then, but the person filling those shoes is different. I think it's difficult for me to articulate these differences, but when we meet again perhaps you'll see them and let me know.

One thing I know and want to share: I think I've begun to learn the truth of service. It's not something you do for yourself, but it's something that you do even if you don't know exactly for whom you're doing it. What does this mean? I'm just beginning to realize it myself, but I've thought long and often in my periods of isolation (contemplation) about whether this journey is the best use of my time and efforts in today's world, but then I'm reminded by my students that perhaps it's not just about today, but about tomorrow, two days from now, and every day after. I'll never know the number of people that my service here impacts, but I'm reminded daily that potentially every step of progress in service is twice as wide and twice as deep as I can see.

If I were still questioning whether or not my first year meant anything, a student today provided me with all the proof that I'll need. And so, I'll keep moving, keep working, and keep striving to do my best here in Wuwei as I move into the second year of my service.

I've met wonderful people - who have become my family here in China ... both Chinese ...

... and my fellow Volunteers!

... and my amazing supervisors and Peace Corps staff members ... and my host family at site!

I've met new friends and discovered new foods...

... sometimes cooking and eating with students, and others trying not to get crushed in the throng at the cafeteria..

... teaching inside and outside the classroom, helping students prepare for important exams, or showing them that English can be fun ...

... although sometimes I might feel like I'm only valuable for pictures, there are always those students who truly value and appreciate my work and presence here, as the first foreigner they've met and become friends with in their life. They are the reason I'm here...

... even if sometimes I don't know why/when classes are cancelled or obstacles seem to keep me back... but as I taught the students with the game Trouble, even if you go backwards a little bit, you still have to keep moving forward.

And that's what I'm going to do - the second year starts now.