The Terror of Yosemite Sam

His footsteps drew closer and louder. All the patrons in the saloon began to tremble with fear as the sound of his boots drew closer to the doors. They watched anxiously as his shadow slowly centered in front of the door. The shadow grew to twelve feet in length. With a swift kick Yosemite Sam burst open the doors! Cowboys and farmers fled the saloon as fast as they could, leaving behind only the bartender and one man sitting at a table cowboy hat over his eyes. Sam shouted, "I'ma here to collect my week's cut of your profits, barkeep!!!"

The bartender hastily went to the cash register to gather money for Sam.

Without lifting his hat, the final patron in the bar asked, "Eh, what's up ,doc?"

Sam was startled by this.

"What's up, doc? I ain't no doctor! You got till the count of three to get outta here, or I'ma gonna blast ya!"

The man slowly lifted his hat, revealing two large rabbit ears.

The rabbit smirked and said, "Hey, shorty, I ain't going to do nothing a guy below three feet high is telling me to do."

Sam's face reddened with anger. "Oooh that does it!"

He began shooting at Bugs Bunny as fast as he could, but when the smoke cleared Bugs was gone.

"What?" Sam exclaimed.

"You looking for me, pal?" Bugs said right behind Sam. "You know, you shouldn't shoot with your eyes closed like that. It makes it harder to aim."

Sam raised a gun to Bug's head and said, "Give me one reason not to shoot you right now, varmint!"

"Well, if you shoot me right now, no one will get to watch you kill the new sheriff."

Bugs slid open his vest revealing his sheriff badge.

"You're the new sheriff?"

"Yep, and if you beat the sheriff in a duel in the streets, these people are going to see it. They'll be twenty times more scared of you."

Yosemite pondered Bugs's suggestion.

"You're pretty smart, rabbit. You're on! Tonight, we duel at sundown."

The sun began to set. The whole town was gathered around the main street to watch this unknown hero take on their villain.

Bugs Bunny arrived on an elegant white steed with a blonde mane. His deputy, Porky Pig, was struggling to keep up on his tiny donkey.

Yosemite Sam was waiting for Bugs at the center of the street.

"I see you brought back up," Yosemite hollered.

"Nah, he just carries my things for me."

Porky Pig walked up to Bugs holding a bag.

"H-h-h-h-here you go, boss," Porky stuttered.

"Thank you, deputy."

Bugs took off his hat and his vest. He pulled an identical hat and vest from the bag and put them on.

Yosemite was confused. "What was the point of that, rabbit?"

"I can't duel in my working outfit, just as I can't work in my dueling outfit."

"But... they're the same!!!" Yosemite seemed quite frustrated.

"Perhaps to a simple man like you."

"OOOOH!!! That does it, we're agonna duel now!"

Bugs and Sam went back to back in the middle of the street with their guns in their holsters. Bugs sneakily put a cork into Sam's gun as they were back to back."

"No cheatin'! Ten paces, then we turn and shoot. You got that?"

"Oh, I got it. Ten paces and shoot."

They started to step. "One, two, three..." They both counted.

"TEN!"

They both whirled around and fired.

Yosemite's gun immediately blew up in his face, and Bug's bullet knocked his hat off revealing a massive bald spot.

"My oh my, I guess all that hair in your beard and mustache had to come from somewhere!"

The whole town laughed uproariously as Yosemite scrambled over to Porky's donkey. He hopped on and got out of town as fast as he could.

"Hey!" Porky shouted. "That's my d-d-d-d-donkey!"

Bugs put his arm around Porky.

"They belong together. They're both a couple of jack...wagons."

(Image of a Sheriff's Badge: Source pixabay)

Author's Note: In the reading, there is a village that is terrorized by a demon, Baka. This demon collects a weekly blood tax from the citizens. Luckily, our Bhima is chosen by the Pandavas to vanquish this demon. Bhima took Baka's food, which infuriated the demon. Baka began hurling many trees at Bhima, resulting in the demon losing his energy. Bhima had plenty of energy form the food, enabling him to defeat Baka in combat. At first glance, this seemed like a dark tale to spin into a Looney Tunes story. But I thought Yosemite Sam would be perfect for the villain. Since Yosemite Sam mostly operates in a setting that is like the Wild Wild West, I decided that would be a good fit. I decided he would be an outlaw that terrorizes its citizens and takes money from them. However, Bugs Bunny is the new sheriff in town. I took a little bit more liberty with misspelling some of Yosemite Sam’s words, and messing up some of his grammar. All of this was done in an attempt to have his Southern accent come out more as someone reads this story. I really enjoyed making the introduction, because I can remember Looney Tunes episodes where people scatter at the sight of Yosemite Sam like that. It is also always fun to have Bugs Bunny stand up to Sam. They are my favorite characters to write for.

Bibliography: Mahabharata - The Princes of Elephant City. C. A. Kincaid, 1921.