It’s a beautiful day in this hospital

A beautiful day for a Smoker

Will you roast me?

Could you roast me?

It’s a magical day at this school of ours

A magical day for a Smoker

Will you roast me?

Could you roast me?

I have always wanted to teach med students just like you

I’ve always wanted to be on this stage and laugh with you

So let’s make the most of this beautiful day

Since we’re together, we might as well say

Will you roast me?

Could you roast me?

Welcome to the Smoker

Welcome to,

Welcome to,

Yes, welcome to the Smoker

Dean Runge’s gone away

He’s packed his stuff and left the south just

Came up north one day

He was sad to leave the CCU but it was true

Still he did what he had to do

‘Cause he just knew

When he first arrived,

RVUs were way down

And trainees weren’t satisfied

A council of the Gods, from each department and each ward

He hailed them Leaders and the Best

They overcame every test

Without fail every Monday morn

Department Gods met to learn

Discussed improvements and reform

They did it all

To make us Leaders and Best

At patient care and the rest

Turns out that’s a tough affair but we all know that

Climb those ranks

We’re reaching for new heights

We fight for patients’ rights, we shine

Free breakfast at Grand Rounds

Construction breaks new ground

‘Cause Michigan’s renowned

We’re saving lives at Michigan

And then the outbreak came

They told us that if anyone

Gets close just run away

The patients came in waves and

Left no beds on any floor

They said “We gotta build some more!”

So we set up camp outdoors

We switched more visits to online

Our patients say it suits them fine

And now that cafe has no life

That’s all I need

So now we act as tech supports

On top of reading path reports

If that’s what it takes we’ll just push on and go go

Climb those ranks

We’ll mute our vid and mics

We’re reaching for new heights online

We’ll call into Grand Rounds (no breakfast anymore)

Construction breaks new ground (even though we’re really poor)

We’ll always be renowned

We’re saving lives at Michigan

And when things get you down

The morning rolls around

Saving lives at Michigan

Saving lives at Michigan (oh)

Saving lives at Michigan (we’re number one)

Saving lives at Michigan (oh)

Saving lives at Michigan (oh)

Saving lives at Michigan (sun)

And morning rounds have just begun (oh)

Saving lives at Michigan

Saving lives at Michigan

Ah, Doctor Bradford

Doctor McKean, my girl!

Did’ya hear the news

I’m stepping down from Zoom Olympus?

Yeah

You know what that means?

What?

They’ll need to replace me.

But Oto can’t think of someone they know?

Oh?

And now which doc to choose?

You’ll need someone good

They’ll have to fill some big shoes

Ha

Any idea who they’re gonna push through?

I really shouldn’t say

But they’re considering you

Really?

Erin McKean… Department God

Me?

I can already see my girl as a part of this elite squad

Now, Runge and Chopra still aren’t sold

When will I get to talk to the Zoom?

(Time-out!)

I’m sorry Erin, we’ve gotta start

But -

Incisions are happening

They’ll reach out soon

Twelve Department Gods at Michigan meet up in a Zoom

Powerfully, they’re unopposed, pros

They emerge with their policies

Gaining them new clout that, can only be supposed, grows

The health system expands with unprecedented administrative power

A plan they can shape however they want

The Department Gods make all the big decisions these days

And here’s the Pièce de Résistance:

No one else is in the Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

No one else is in the Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

No one really knows how the game is played

The art of the trade

How insurance gets paid

We just assume that it happens

But no one else is in the Zoom where it happens

Otolaryngology

What can I do to get selected

Get this honor

Put this arrow in my quiver?

Otolaryngology

Does Dean Runge call all the shots

Is there administrative pressure to deliver?

Otolaryngology

Or is it so

That it really doesn’t matter if the policies are rational

‘Cause the Gods are on top

They do what they want

She wants to be best

So she can’t be nonchalant

When you got skin in the game, you stay in the game

But you don’t get a win unless you play in the game

Oh, you get love for it, you get hate for it

You get nothing if you

Wait for it, wait for it, wait

Deans help and forgive me

I wanna stop doubting the competence in me

What do you want, Doc?

What do you want Doc?

If you fight yourself, then, Doc, you’re in a deadlock

I wanna be in the Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

I wanna be in the Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

I wanna be the Zoom where it happens

I wanna be in the Zoom

Oh I wanna be in the Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

I wanna be in the Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

The Zoom where it happens

She knows that her time is near

Scope your nose and tube your ears

We want McKean to rule the wars

So I just gotta exercise my vocal chords

We dream of a brand new start

But we dream in the dark for the most part

Dark reading room as it happens

I’ve got to be in the Zoom (where it happens)

I’ve got to be (the Zoom where it happens)

I’ve got to be (the Zoom where it happens)

Oh, I’ve got to be in the Zoom where it happens

I’ve gotta be, I’ve gotta be, I’ve gotta be

In the Zoom

Leave room

Well now he’s here, on the same path as mine

He’s out of life, following me to the bathroom

He has to learn, I refuse to hear him whine

When he can’t find his own way to the teamroom

But is this what they wanted for M2s from the start?

To make all attendings doubt these kids will ever be smart?

Soon he’ll turn around and he is lost in the wards

Heme is derm, psych is onc, at the VA!

He has found somewhere to park, but now he’s lost in the wards

Without us he’ll never find his way…

He’s lost in the wards

Up till now, his shelf score was his only concern

He hasn't learned how to place orders inpatient

Can he see how much patients pee?

Do you think he can discharge a patient?

Impatience?

He can’t find his patient’s room, ‘cause he is lost in the wards

Hours are days, days are nights, with no windows

Oh, he’s passed this desk three times, so he is lost in the wards

Wondering what he doesn’t know

And he’ll wait for a sign

For a sign

That he belongs and he’ll be fine

He’ll be fine

Until then, he’s lost in the wards

He’s lost in the wards

He’s lost in the wards

He’s lost in the wards

He’s lost in the wards

He’s lost in the wards

He’s lost in the wards

I’ve been wanting to get in to the Zoom call

As long as I can recall, never really knowing why

I wish I could be the perfect doctor

But I feel like an imposter, no matter how hard I try

Every cut I make, every stitch I tack

Every time I wake, all these thoughts come back

In my head I know, I can’t let it go

What is wrong with me?

See my flaws they’re so clear don’t you see? They blind me.

But no one knows how deep it goes

And it feels like they’re making fun of me, so I’m hiding

Won’t let them know that I’m scared inside, insecure inside

If I prove I’m enough in the end, then they’ll call me

Then maybe I’ll see that I am worthy

If I put the self doubt that I feel far behind me

One day I’ll know how far I’ll go

Come learn about stool, all the forms of the stool

All its different permutations

Look at the chart, at your Bristol Stool Chart

See the many variations

Now, the color can vary

Green like grass, brown like mud

The stool will blacken in the bowel

When it’s full of gastric blood

Hematochezia’s red

And do not be misled

Oh, the differential’s lengthy

Ischemic colitis, viral gastroenteritis

And there’s also Crohns and tumors

Fissures and ‘rhoids, one can never avoid

Diverticulitis in Boomers

Diarrhea will spew forth

So take care with your scope

Those GI docs love their big bucks

But I’m far nobler, I hope

For this is the stool

What a beautiful stool

And we call it lovely “poo-pay”

On a quest

On a quest

Put our skill sets to the test

Tie a suture ‘round us all, McKean

Our team will be the best

What a day

On our way

Let’s go out and save the day

Our dear Kelli she can coach

Anatomical approach

Andrew Tai

He can teach

There’s no small bowel out of reach

And his treatment plans are never second best

Go on and look around you

Take a glance at your crew

On a quest

Oui, your quest

On a quest

Print the list

Disimpact

We can even help retract

With our wisdom I know we can

Guide this Capstone for Impact

Don’t forget

About me

Doctor Michael Engelsbe

No on’es gloomy or complaining

When Mike helps them with their training

I’m a horse

Who says yes

I’ll make sure we coalesce

All my jokes are in poor taste that you can bet

You sure can bet with uss

You’ll be in Zoom Olympus

We're on a quest

On a quest

Yes, we are on a quest

Bless my soul

McKean was on a roll

Doctor if the week in every MM Headline Poll

What a pro

McKean could run the show

Look at her with wide eyes and she’ll check your TPO

She was a no one (a trainee, trainee)

Now she’s a hot shot (she’s a brainy)

Here was a doc with her skills down pat

From zero to hero in every block

Zero to hero

What a doc!

On the floor she’s so hard-core

With oohs and aahs

And the cured the broad with angina

With angina

Psychiatry was honestly an effortless affair

And Family Med she mastered with a little preventative care

Say Amen

There she goes again

On surgery’s oral she done scored a perfect 10!

Docs line up to watch her operate

Skills in the OR only a pro could demonstrate

How could the Zoom Gods not have picked her?

A tried and true Michigan Victor

She showed them technique, brains and heart

From zero to hero and oh so smart

Zero to hero, she’d even chart

Who puts the “fair” in pharyngitis?

That’s McKean

Who puts an end to your otitis?

That’s McKean

Can she teach?

Students love her

Who compares?

There’s just no other!

Go McKean!

Go McKean!

Go McKean!

Go McKean!

Go McKean!

Go McKean!

I leave the hospital, skid through the snow

See all the undergrads outside Angelo’s

They should be more afraid

It’s not benign

The virus can’t spread if they meet online

And when the weather got colder

Families started getting bolder

They gathered for the holidays

Oh, and it spread as quickly then as ever

When I warned them it would be better celebrating in other ways

I drive through Kerrytown

And down Main Street

I see the people that all came downtown to eat

I feel any icy chill

Through my bloodstream

And i wanna roll my window down and f***ing scream:

“Say you’ll just stay home”

“Say you’ll just stay home”

I wanna care for them

But my strength is toast

If i get sick i can’t be there when i’m needed most

I’m gonna say it ‘til we’re all immune

Until that time I ask you all to stay on Zoom

So i sing this song to you, and now you really know

I want them all to live ‘til they’re grey and old

Say you’ll just stay home

Say you’ll just stay home

Say you’ll just stay home

Oh, say you’ll just stay home

I admit that in the past I’ve been quite brutal

Being nice won’t get you far in Ob-Gyn

But you’ve noticed nowadays

I cling to my old ways

‘Cause Erin came for a position that was mine

True? Yes

And it turns out that I know a little secret

That imposter syndrome plagues the doctors here

And the ladies have it worse

This self-sabotaging curse

And i cash in on their self-doubt and their fear

Pathetic

Insecure little docs

You doubt your skill

Striving harder to be better

Just to prove it to yourself

And will I pry them?

Yes I will

Those insecure little docs

So sad, so true

They come flocking to my OR

Crying, “Help my Maya, please!”

And I listen,

Yes I do

Now it’s obvious to me

Someone has to reign queen bee

But my competitions’ faith is on the rocks

And she won’t survive this test

I’ll shut her down like all the rest

Of the insecure little docs

We are on our way, we can save the patients

We’ll complete our quest, together we’ll be strong

Clear the ED board

With a wise mentor

Surely I will earn my place in the Zoom where I belong

Since you are as skilled as us, dear Er’

And you’ve shown that you truly are

As the new ENT Department Chair

You can write you name in the stars

Why squander away or sequester

Another post-graduate year?

Want your worst days to be yester?

Then join Olympus, dear…

What good is a day giving patients healthcare

When you miss out on all of life’s perks?

What kind of doc can’t afford Victor’s Care

Or is stick doing their own housework

Your future is clear, a renowned career

Your fortune and fame are secure, love

For there’s nothing that you have to fear, nothing to be unsure of

Oh, it’s time for a pay raise

Time for you to cut down on your number of work days

Time for free time, ‘cause when you’re on this call

You’ll have time for it all

Why travel to work in a new shiny car

If barred from the gold parking lot?

Not having an admin would be bizarre

Med students are an afterthought

You won’t write a note when you cut up a throat

You can get out of clinic as well

See, this title is your antidote

Kiss the peasant life farewell

Everybody…

Oh, it’s time for a pay raise

Time for you to cut down on your number of work days

Time for free time, ‘cause when you’re on this call

You’ll have time for it all

You can’t stop a med student

As they rush to run a code

They can try to stop dissecting groins

But they need to learn the nodes

And you can try to stop their student loans

But you know they’ll still be owed

‘Cause the docs keep holding rounds and rounds

And my heart’s keeping time to my pager’s sound

I was lost ‘til I found my voice, now I’m here to say

That you can’t stop our team

Ever since the pass/fail began

Med students take less time to study

And they still pass exams

So they’ve got more time for wellness

And can be at their best each day

‘Cause you can’t stop our dreaming and our teaming

Or our goals to fly high

You can try to if you wanna, but we’ll never comply

And if you try to hold us back I’m gonna wave you goodbye and say

That you can’t stop our team

You can’t stop a beating heart

As it pumps your blood around

You can try to stop the labor, girl

But the kid’s already crowned

And you can try to stop a spreading rash

But the source cannot be found

‘Cause the docs keep holding rounds and rounds

And my heart’s keeping time to my pager’s sound

I was lost ‘til I found my flaws, then I found my way

You can’t stop our team

Ever since we first teamed up as Gods

The Deans and doctors worked together to resolve our odds

And so we’re gonna keep it going with this mighty squad today

‘Cause you can’t stop our dreaming and our teaming

‘Cause when push comes to shove

You can try to stop the future that we’re dreaming of

But you cannot stop our passion and that’s why we love to say

That you can’t stop our team

You can’t stop a surgeon from keeping med students ‘til 8

And they’ll keep you from that wedding

6 months notice is just too late

So if that clerkship is not for you, find another you don’t hate

‘Cause the docs keep holding rounds and rounds

And my heart’s keeping time to my pager’s sound

We were lost ‘til we found our niche, now we’re here to say

That you can’t stop our team

Ever since the pandemic began

Med students found out things don’t stop, you just update your plan

And so we’re gonna make the Smoker just the best that we can today

‘Cause you can’t stop our dreaming and our teaming

Or our goals to fly high

You can try to if you wanna, but we’ll never comply

And if you try to hold us back we’re gonna wave you goodbye and say

That you can’t stop our team

You can’t stop today as it comes speeding down the track

Doctor’s yesterday is history and it’s never coming back

‘Cause tomorrow is a brand new day

There’s no challenge we can’t hack

‘Cause the docs keep holding rounds and rounds

And my heart’s keeping time to my pager’s sound

We were lost ‘til we found our team, now we’re here to say

That you can’t stop our team

Ever since the pandemic began

Med students found out things don’t stop, you just update your plan

And so we’re gonna make the Smoker just the best that we can today

‘Cause you can’t stop our dreaming and our teaming

‘Cause when push comes to shove

You can try to stop the future that we’re dreaming of

But you cannot stop our passion and that’s why we love to say

That you can’t stop our team

Ahh

Ahh

Ahh

Come on, little Legos, go on, join in on our show!

We can’t

Yes you can

No we can’t

Yes you can

Yes we can!

You can’t stop our team

Ever since we met at the VA

We learned that if we work together things will be okay

And so we’re gonna care for patients just the best we can each day

‘Cause you can’t stop our dreaming and our teaming

‘Cause when push comes to shove

You can try to stop the future that we’re dreaming of

But you cannot stop our passion and that’s why we love to say

That you can’t stop our team

You can’t stop our team

You can’t stop our team!