New to Attending a B'nai Mitzvah?

The service part of the b'nai mitzvah is a religious service, and there is a party immediately following, so dressing in respectful, festive attire will work well. The courtyard (where half of the party will be) will be tented, which should help with the weather considerations. It is likely that the guests will be sporting collared shirts, button-downs, sweaters, dresses, slacks or skirts. Suits are not necessary!

For the service, we will have kippot (a Jewish headcovering, singular: kippah; also called a yarmulke in Yiddish) available for all who wish to wear them. Those identifying as male are typically expected to wear them, but anyone may do so if they wish.

Not at all! Much of the service will be in Hebrew, but transliterations (Hebrew written in pronounceable English) and/or translations will be shared each time. You can follow along and join the voices when you wish. Our guests, including our family members, will have a variety of religious backgrounds, experiences, and beliefs. Our aim is to make everyone feel welcome and included in this Jewish service. You can always ask questions of Mark, Sarah, Henry or Elana at any time, too.

The service will not be a traditional Shabbat service, though some of the prayers will be the same. We will have a printed guide available for you to know what to expect and be able to follow along. And Rabbi Shira is great at explaining what is happening during the service!

Much of the service will be led by Henry and Elana. The prayers and songs will be on a screen so you can follow along; please join in as you feel comfortable. Rabbi Shira will offer direction for when to stand if you are able. Standing is a sign of respect but not an indication of belief. 

There will be prayers in Hebrew that are appropriate for the day, including ones that Henry and Elana requested be included. Henry will read from the Torah (the scroll containing the first five books of the Bible), and Elana will give a D'var Torah ("a word of Torah") sharing her interpretation of the week's Torah portion and applying it to modern-day life. We have a musician, Aaron Shneyer, who will be playing guitar and leading the singing. As the lyrics will also be shared on the screen, we welcome you to sing along as you wish!

It is said that Torah learning should be sweet, so it is a custom to throw candy at the b’nai mitzvah after the Torah section is done. The candies will be passed out by our ushers during the service. Please quietly hold yours until directed to toss it at Henry and Elana. Then feel free to gather them up and enjoy! (Smaller kids will have a candy basket set aside for them.) 

Sarah once heard that the hardness of the candy is determined by the rabbi—the harder you study, the softer the candy! Time will tell about what kind of candy will be thrown!

The service won't be too long or boring, but if you're the type that likes to have your hands busy while seated, you're welcome to knit or crochet quietly. 

Children of all ages (and kids at heart!) are welcome! (You've met us before, so of course, this is the answer!) The service will be about an hour long, and it won't be boring. If you or your child(ren) need to get up, walk around, or leave the meeting room during the service, you are welcome to quietly do so. The service is not on Shabbat, so there are not rules about electronics or writing, though we ask that you silence your cell phones and not be distracted by them. If your child would like to read or play quietly, you can bring things for them to do so. We will also have books available (naturally!) for kids to read during the service or if they need a break during the party.

Henry wants you to click here.

Please ask them! You can email us, and we may also add the answer to this list as others may be wondering the same thing as you. Thank you for helping us build community through your curiosity!