In a kids bedroom.

3 year old: I can't sleep

Father: Why not?

3 year old: There are scary monsters under my bed.

Father: Scarier than your mother?

.

.

.

3 year old: "zzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Walking home alone late one night

when He hears, BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... behind him.

Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an

upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street

towards him.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the

coffin bouncing quickly behind

him,...faster...faster...BUMP... BUMP.... BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the

door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him, with

the lid of the coffin clapping...clappity-BUMP...clappity-

BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...on the heels of the

terrified man!

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in.

His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is

coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door, bumping

and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all

he can find is a bottle of cough syrup.

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the coffin...

the coffin stops.

Clap for the Wolf-Man

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the

office.

"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked

meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna

eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home

from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food

down my throat? Huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling and throwing

things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the

window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself,

"Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

Vampire bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in

fresh blood and

parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began

hassling him about

where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they

persisted until

finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with

hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a

forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly

milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"