Cementary Shortcut

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided

to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by

a tap-tap -tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel,

chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath."

You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost!

What are you doing working here so late at night?"

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"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Living with a Vampire

Once, there were 2 guys sitting in a living room.

One man says to the other...

"I would rather live with a vampire than my wife!"

and the other man says "Why?"

"Because she’s always trying to bite my head off!

Halloween Quickies

What does a zombie get when it bites a ghost?

A mouth full of sheet!

What do you call a witch who drives really badly?

A road hag!

Why don’t mummies take time off?

They’re afraid to unwind

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frostbite.

What did one ghost say to the other?

Get a life!

What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?

Bamboo.

Advice to a witch on a broomstick:

"Don't fly off the handle!"

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating:

1. You get winded from knocking on the door.

2. You have to have a kid chew the candy for you.

3. You ask for high fiber candy only.

4. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

5. People say, "Great Keith Richard's mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

6. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or ..." and can't remember the rest.

7. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

8. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

9. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

10. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives/ex-husbands live.

Which is Best

Dracula wanted to know which of his bats was the best.

So he organized a little competition.

The bat which would drink more blood in less time than

others would be the winner.

The first bat went and came back after 10 minutes.

Its mouth was full of blood. Dracula was impressed.

He asked, "Nice, how did you do it?"

The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there

is a house.

I went inside and drank the blood of all the family."

Dracula said, "Very good".

The second bat went and came back after 5 minutes.

He too had blood on all his face.Dracula was shocked,

"How did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower?

Behind it there is a hotel. I went inside and drank the blood

of all the guests."

Dracula said, "Fantastic".

Now the third bat went and came back just after 1 minute.

There was blood on all his body.

Dracula couldn’tbelieve his eyes, "How did you do that?"

The bat said, "Do you see that tower?"

Dracula said, "Yes".

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And the bat said, "I didn’t see it".

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