NaPoWriMo 2024

yesterday, the gleam of sun on pavement

was the proof of my arraignment 

to a life of jealousy.

since, I've tried to pick my posies,

traded carnations for roses--

but it tastes like celery

and I suppose it's almost over

like the song you're playing at night

when you wished you could be older

and not so scared of the light

does it really even matter

when the ice is next to your heart?

when you're at the start--

again--

is it really almost over?

I'm trying not to 

overcomplicate it:

He tells a joke, it's 

so funny I can't take it--

Her warm embrace is

the kind only a mother gives,

I'd hate to survive,

I'd like to live

One hand on your heart

one hand in your pocket

one second of summer

and then we lost it

these years are a treasure

they're also the hardest

one hand on your heart,

turn the key,

and unlock it

I'm writing something sad

can't wait to feel the pain

when all those pretty chemicals

come flooding up my brain

'cause when I think of sadness,

reality can fade

the truth is worse than fiction,

so I still play this game

you ask if I am okay

and that's not what I need

if the whole world is drowning,

why save only just me?

ask people why they need to

make so many mistakes

ask them why they continue

to suffer through heartbreak

I'm writing something sad down

and you can thank my brain

I am designed to want it

can't wait to feel the pain

Every moment an ocean view, cracking the surface to

find out the meaning of sadness and screaming 

and reeling through heartaches, just give me a break

dancing around while spiderwebs spread on my gown

For a second I laughed, fell down the trap,

Alice to the hole, how deep can she go?

and standing in darkness, shouting for a sign

being suprised it won't materialize now

and everything felt like the stone had been tossed

give way to the motion of losing, I lost

it all to be something that no one could ever concieve

and everything aired out, so I took a breath

been thinking 'bout this since the day that I left

they day I turned bitter and dreamed for a field of reeds

Or just a place to breathe

The court is adjourned, I'm driving back home

my house in the suburbs is never not cold

I search for the keys in the pockets of my coat

and pull out a single dime

You're never not confused by my verbiage

We threw out the vows and the matching corsage

what once was great is broken, the ceasless barrage

and unending march of time--

Promises were made, by me to myself,

I'd find my perfect person, the rest can go to hell

I'd get a perfect job in a city where I'd walk to the store

then the living came, it wasn't as swell

as I had once predicted, no I could never tell

that I would soon realize I don't know what it's all for

I don't know if I can do more

Maybe I should

let this all go and be a

different person--

last time I was here

I wasn't at all certain

but this time I can sense

there's been a change:

I am tired of

being tied down to a

sinking ship and

I have met my demon,

she's a 'people person',

and I will die before

I become her

So maybe I will

let this all go and be a

different person--

wake up tomorrow

with a new disposition

clearing all the smoke instead of

breathing it in

and when you meet me

do not be alarmed by my new

blunt honesty

I have learned that people

are not worth my servility

and that really, I belong

somewhere else

The persistent fear that plagues you doesn't relent

that when you're happy it'll all too quickly end

you don't take road trips, you're afraid of crashing down

you don't take cruises 'cause you think you're gonna drown

oh what a horrid little life we've made right here

where we find that what we really fear is fear

Is it better to be a careless vagabond

than a thoughtful person pained by their own thoughts?

Fear is a choice that you can make, it's never certain

You wonder if you've chosen wrong most every time

In isolation you can't help but feel deserted

and to be safe and secure, there's a price

I wake up like this in a dastardly daze,

finally seeing the error of my ways,

only to reach the docks too late

and watch my ticket out sail away.

stuck at the counter of the corner store,

wondering what all this wealth was for--

if all I can buy is a strong chloroform,

to knock me out for the rest of the war?

I pace in the night, pondering my plans:

If I left it all, would they understand?

But I made my vows, and this is my hand,

I fold here and now, or I lose my chance.

I wake up like this, in a cowardly sweat:

should I make it out, should I just head west?

I know to stay would be to do what's best,

but I can feel that urge in my chest,

telling me,

there will be another boat

6 AM, sharp, tomorrow 

when it comes, get on and go

6 AM, sharp, tomorrow

My greatest talent is lying

I do it every day

I put it in my poetry

and seethe it in my praise

I make myself look better

I make the world look worse 

I lie in every chorus

and I lie in every verse

and soon it blurs together

the phony and the true

each fib is like an apple tree

which bears a rotten fruit

I lie about my free time

I lie about my plans

and in the midst of lying

I don't remember who I am

So my greatest talent is lying

I do it all the time

I put it in my poetry

in each and every line.

I'd climb the traffic lights and kick my feet out over the street,

climb hills that are big and empty and private property

I'd look inside the pyramid they built for Route 99

I'd be with the scrub jays in the trees if I had the time

Would you come with me on the back of a freight train?

Would you roll with me down the sloping, grassy terrain? 

'Cause I can't live in a concrete town,

looking for trees worth talking about

I can't live like this in the abyss

it was a different time

it was a different life

you're bad at algebra, I am an artisan

this is a craft

skipping the lunches and bad party punches

and genuine laughs

i am nostalgic for what cannot exist

i am a maniac scrawling my lists

into stone hoping I'll be an oracle

and it will come true, all that I wish for

it was a different time 

two years ago and never and never again

I push the limits of what parts of me I'll expend

if this is a tragedy, why

does it have to be this time?

blessed by a moment that never returns

pushed by a current through t-spins and turns

I'm unglued by this presence that haunts all my days

no refuge from the resin that clogs up my brains

leaving me untied

I don't want to be right this time

hold out for glimpses in long corridors

the venue is golden, don't know what's in store

I am floored by the knowledge that this is real

and I fear the unknown that I tread,

let my heels touch the sand

this is an unexplored land

I am scared of all things new

I can't say these things to you

so much time, so little demand

every hour devalued as it sits in my hands

until I waste it all, and it's in short supply

hope it trickles down from the other side

I invest in the shares of my career

If it goes well, I have nothing to fear

but the time doesn't ever return

it's not money or respect or anything that you earn

and I try to control its brownian dance

I gamble the minutes till it's out of my hands

wait a long time till I've squandered my chance

to live

Little bird, don't you know

you have it better than most

that doesn't mean that you are wrong to complain

all the clouds in the sky

they don't ponder, they don't ask why

they just drift off, and on cool, gray days they rain

Little bird, you heard it here

the world is big, the world is weird

there's lots of things that happen here that I can't explain

when you're sad, be proud to cry

be proud you're silly, be proud you're shy

don't be afraid of anyone thinking you're plain

cause let's be honest, it's all absurd

its a big universe and a tiny world

oh Little bird, there ain't no time, no time to waste

people are always two-faced

we cannot change where we're placed

oh Little bird, no time to waste

time's short, so we must make haste

choose well the path that you trace

oh Lirtle bird, no time to waste

I told her to rest

she said, "not tonight."

I told her to love

she loved being right.

I told her she's pretty

she cut off her hair

I told her she's unique

she fell to despair

I told her she's everything 

she did nothing for herself

just spent all her life

trying to be someone else

and so I stopped talking

I let her find out

that she is worth loving

when no one's around

The only thing that makes life bearable

is knowing that you are out there

dreaming, seeing, believing 

everything

and you are just like me

and if you can

I can too

be 

happy

and i think i know

but i hope i'm wrong

because if it's true... 

i'm not sure if i can live that way

i said so much there's nothing left to say

i stare down darkness till my pupils dilate

and then the black becomes gray

it's okay

i'm not the only one stuck in a box

in the box, it's safe

i'm not the only one who wants to get out

and make mistakes

i stare down sunshine till i lose my eyesight

i walk into tomorrow blind

i keep on hoping that the world will save me

i'm gonna lose my mind

but that's alright

that's probably what i need right now

i'm dancing, it goes round and round

i end up in the same place

and i think i know

but i hope i'm wrong

there is no meaning to be found

i'm dancing, it goes round and round

I saw you there at the corner coffee shop

to order something sweet

and everyone says that you're nice to everyone

and so you're nice to me

I never knew what chaos tasted like

until you let me have a sip

now I wait at the corner coffee shop

wanting more of it

tell me, is it all a dream? is it wishful thinking?

is it real or just for show?

tell me, is it all a dream? I feel like I'm sinking

into blue black indigo

tell me, is it all a dream? am I going crazy?

am I real or just for show?

Tell me, is it all a dream? Don't want you to leave me

but I can't help but watch you go

There is that moment

between nothing and everything,

the line between oblivions

the grayest of the grays,

a constellation of complexity

a watershed of words,

cascading down their eulogies

to empty into fjords.

There is that moment, brief and brilliant,

where all the pain is dealt,

and perfect imperfections drag the heavens down to hell

and when the worlds collide you see

an enigmatic enmity,

a tragic case of irony

where the thing that makes us human

makes us hate it ever so

and the moment that it passes

so must humanity go.

Your flowers died after forty years

upon the sill, where I left them

they sat and gathered dust

'til they were done, and then they wilted

they smiled with joie de vivre 

at the sight of death's embrace

they crumbled into ashes

upon my speckled windowpane

and since then, the garden outside

which your flowers onced overlooked,

its daisies weep, its roses scream,

no singing streams from the crying brook

The sky is beautiful

I almost missed it

I saw the sun today and I kissed it

the world is dark and dingy

I seek the light

I don't know the difference between wrong and right

I took the yellow bus

to Levittown

I made a steady life and settled down

I chase my dreams but they

are just a mirage

the sky is hard to see

from my garage

Wishes are concrete, reality's a dream

The stars that span the sea are not quite what they seem

A fool keeps pushing forward, an idiot moves on

No matter where I go now, I'm always in the wrong

I juggle my addictions to poetry and praise

I live for simple pleasures and picture-perfect days

My heart is but a menace, my mind is but a fiend

I either choose to do it or slowly, surely bleed

The sky is getting darker, it scatters out the sun

And I just keep on losing the feeling that I won

Now trapped within a fishbowl, I rule the promised land

I walk away with nothing, though victory's in hand

A paradox of letters, a middle-class routine

My wishes hard as concrete, reaality's a dream

You know the truth

the sun pries your eyes open at the crack of dawn

it's a hundred miles but it won't be long

you know it works

cards fall up into place like in reverse

it's not good but it could be worse

you know it hurts

my smile may not fade for one hundred days

but you know, you know the truth

I never know what I have

I can't help missing you

we smile when it's over

we smile when it's gone

throw food into fire

and sing a sad song

we take off our makeup

and shed all our blues

we smile when it's over

and you should, too

eyes wide like streets right where I used to be

all of the souls wait for ball drops and dreams

i should know better than to drive down dead ends

loneliness can fix what these peope cannot mend

and i should wait for the person in the mirror

but i can't believe her, i can't stay right here

Maybe I should

let this all go and be a

different person--

all too tempting but I

shouldn't listen

to whims of an evening

or my disposition

to wish that I was doing

something else.

flecks of quartz in gravel

fireworks that fade

time is a scary little, fleeting little thing

one shot and its over

never seen again

time is a special little, beautiful new thing

hold me close thought we may

never do this again

time is a crazy little, gorgeous, gorgeous thing

flecks of quartz in gravel

ground down into sand

time is up and it won't count us down again

Highway passing lanes

snaking like veins

on pretty plastic skin,

every now and then

you find a jewel, genuine

before it ricochets

down the storm drain

never seen again.

Two souls met in a dusk

and in a few words they exchanged the light of day

and from the harbor you could see

two souls meet in the body of the sea

and the moon kissed the earth, with the sky asleep at their feet

and the two souls we cannot see

they took the last ship and sailed away on the rolling fog

and if you listen closely, you can hear their mystic song.