My house caught fire on August 10. Ironic, huh? It’s okay, you can laugh in a “she wrote a book about jumping into flames so her imaginary house didn’t catch fire and her real life house caught fire.” kind of dark humor. 

Because making myself laugh in a dark humor sort of way is the only reason I’ve gotten this far. 

I’m writing this to remind myself and my girls that we are still the survivor we've always been. Most of my writing involves talking about the past or helping with others' futures. This is me talking about the right here right now. My family lost everything we owned but you know what we didn’t lose? Each other. Don’t get me wrong, we are all overstimulated at times but this fire happened right before a major fair and the beginning of back to school. All of us are holding heavy weights on our shoulders, however my family has made me so proud as we’ve navigated this journey of new together. 

This journey is scaring the hell out of me, besties. I’m sure many of you read If I Was There as Happy Place being a special feature of a creative little kid’s imagination, and in many ways you’d be correct. But there was also a major spiritual aspect to it and a genuine inner child/inner teen safe place aspect. And as you all know….I’m Brie. So if I’m Brie and “Happy Place has burned” and we’ve released the balloons and glitter has fallen all over us and now we’ve all group hugged…

Now what? What happens next? 

The universe has a sense of humor too. Because as you all have noticed, I've lived much of my life turned around and looking at what's happened in the past. Eventually I realized I could turn around and start walking forward. Yet I stood still for a long time to give certain people the chance to catch up. To repair things before it was too late. To love me as an entire soul. To love the woman I've become and all she's seen and done. To love the versions of me I had tried so hard in the past to make them truly see. The thing is, those versions had spent year after year trying to make those same people see them and they hadn’t succeeded. At least not consistently. They sure tried though. What would I be capable of doing that would suddenly change everything they couldn’t? I already know the answer to that because I was there while they laid in the fetal position under their covers, in the middle of their bedroom floor, and in bathtubs under water. 

I received a birthday card the day before my birthday that said “I will love you forever xxoo”. There’s a lot of context that goes with that birthday card but I’ll simply say that a piece of me hoped this person would have said a bit more that might have led to healing between them. All that was said though was that they would love us forever xxoo. 

Two days later, we were being held by a neighbor while EMT’s worked on us. And our house was burning, our children were being brought to safety by the neighbors' children, and sirens were in the distance. I’ve always been the safety to the girls and all of a sudden WE WERE ALL SCARED. For hours I couldn’t open my eyes due to the smoke damage which was a bit of a traumatic thing to suddenly be unable to see. A “No YOU close your eyes, Brie.” I guess. 

I couldn’t see but I sure could hear when Kevin showed up. His boss had shown up before the emergency vehicles and immediately called him. He showed up before the ambulance pulled away and jumped in to ride with me. He then held my hand though numbing drops and handled all of the phone calls, updates, and logistics of life when you lose your home and belongings. I married a wonderful man and for that I am blessed that I wasn’t alone in my fear this time. Even in his own terror, he never left my side, and that's something I will always remember. 

I don’t know what the future holds. And we still have many things to figure out. We are safe and we are alive. So this feels like the first step into this new life. A lot may be different right now but there is still so much that’s the same. My Happy Place is still with my family, my friends, and being The Lioness In The Darkness. I still find peace in nature and a good iced drink. I start back at work tomorrow. I will be back to creating resources soon. I’ll find replacements for most of what was lost and I’ll remember fondly what I can’t. Sometimes things that we hold dear are taken from us in a moment. Things that we can never get back, no matter how much we wish we could. No matter what...I’m still here, even if I’m not the same as I used to be in the beginning of August. 

My girls didn’t do everything they did. Go through everything they did. Only for “Brie” to let a little fire stop her from rebuilding a stunning life for them. They need somewhere to go, remember? I have the pieces of my past that were always mine. I have the people who would stop at nothing to love me in the way I am asking to be loved. And most of all…I’ll stop at nothing to make myself proud because I know all that is at risk if I don’t. 

I’m not sure what is about to happen but I do know one thing. The group hug moment was based on my oldest son’s favorite tradition of catching his parents hugging and yelling “Group hug!” and all four of us squeezing each other. And looking around, all members of Happy Place have been accounted for, so it looks like we are on track to rebuild a Happy Place that would make a dark haired little boy and a beautiful girl proud.

We love you all. 

Until Next Time,

Brie