What to do, to avoid separation, we had to review our expectations of love to know how to save the marriage from divorce?
Are the separations due to disagreement between partners or to a too demanding vision of love? Some tips to avoid running into love disaster.
We expect a lot from love and it often brings us a lot of happiness. However, many couples say they are disappointed. According to American Psychological Association about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. Therefore, it is legitimate to ask the question: is it really our partner who disappoints us, or are our expectations simply too high? The British news daily The Guardian relied on the forthcoming book The Course of Love, by Swiss writer Alain de Botton (1) to review the reasons for our dissatisfaction. The culprit is not always who we think.
There is no such thing as "perfect" love just as there is no such thing as a perfect person. Sometimes your partner can be irritating, irrational, difficult, or will not understand you. But, revelation, neither can you. So get used to the idea not of having the ideal relationship, but of a union “satisfying enough” to be happy.
When you're having trouble, you tend to be angry with your partner. Indeed, who else to blame for the sadness felt if it is not the person who shares your daily life? Except you are lying to yourself. You are trying something really hard: dating, which more than half of couples don't do. Rather than projecting all of your hopes onto your partner and blaming them for disappointment, zoom out and face your definition of love. Isn't she, ultimately, the big culprit?
You have chosen your favorite person in the world to get married to. At first, nothing was too much trouble for you. Yes, but there you go. Time has passed and you have become tough and demanding. Remember, however, that your husband went from being a lover to a father, confidant, driver, budget manager, flu nurse, and sexual partner. The list of tasks is so long that if it was a job no one would apply.
We are all naturally made to be loved. We remember the unconditional love of our parents (for the most part), always ready to be supportive and protective. Sure, but they never talk about how many times they bite their tongue to keep from screaming, or how many times they held back tears of exhaustion before collapsing fully clothed after a hard day.
No, we don't live on love and fresh water. Household chores, bills, plumber, budget, paperwork ... so many responsibilities, admittedly not very glamorous, but essential and which are the substrate of your commitment. See it as a romantic act in the sense of "lasting commitment".
Interest in sex in relationships is waning. It's chemical and it's nobody's fault. To project oneself into a long relationship means accepting that there are other key concerns such as sharing, administrative tasks (see the previous point). Your desire will necessarily suffer. It is not a question of resigning oneself, but of finding solutions to keep the flame alive.
The best place to start is by watching this free video by marriage guru Brad Browning... he explains where you've been going wrong and what you need to do to make your Wife/Husband fall back in love with you.
The right person is the one who shares our interests and our approach to life in general. At the beginning at least. As time goes by, differences inevitably emerge. The person we need is not our exact reflection in a mirror. She is the one who can share her choices intelligently and with mutual respect. In short, one who demonstrates an ability to tolerate and accept our differences.