Experiencing Loss During the Pandemic

You may not have been able to spend time with your loved one during their illness or be present with them at the time of their passing. This may bring up feelings of regret, anger and guilt. It can be so hard to find meaning, peace and comfort at times like this. The pandemic has meant that we have had to make very difficult sacrifices to protect the health of others. Please, ask God to help you remember this; you and your loved one’s relationship is made up of all of life’s shared times, these can never be taken away from you. Speak to friends and wise people whom you trust. Tell them what is in your heart. Ask them to pray for you and for the repose of the soul of your beloved

The funeral Mass, our faith rituals and traditions are often sources of great comfort. In these times of pandemic, we miss coming together to honour our loved one in the way we would have chosen. In the future there will surely be the opportunity to come together physically in Church to celebrate the life of our loved ones who have died during this time. Perhaps though, in the meantime there is something we can do.

Is there some way family members and friends can virtually join their hearts to God and to each other by choosing a date and time to be ‘together’? Perhaps everyone can light a candle in their own homes, read a special poem or prayer, or listen to some music that is important to you and your loved one? Maybe you could ask someone to help you arrange this, or to do it on your behalf.

• Try to do the most basic things, so eat well and stay hydrated.

• Try to get a little bit of regular exercise each day – even if that is moving around in your own home or garden.

• Even though you may not feel like it, get up at a normal time, try to keep to a routine.

• Keep as connected as you can and talk with people about how you are doing.

• Look especially to connect with people who will accept you as you are at this time, and allow you to be yourself– however that is (sad, relieved, up and down).

• Grief takes time, and it changes over time. If you are concerned about how you are doing seek information (we have indicated some sources below) or talk to your GP.

Additional material on Coping with Grief and Loss

• Look for accurate information about grief and loss.

• Be patient and gentle with yourself as you grieve.

• Recognise the extent of your loss.

• Allow yourself to cope and to mourn in a way that suits you.

• Try to sleep well, eat well, and take gentle exercise.

• Try not to make major or rash decisions during this time; our judgement is not at its best.

• Seek and accept emotional and practical support from friends and family.

• Talk to your Family Doctor if you feel you need further support

Some things to say to someone who is bereaved at times when we are socially distant Please remember too, that sending a letter or card, with a message of love and support, can be a great comfort.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I wish I had the right words, but please, just know I care.

I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.

You and your loved one are in my thoughts and prayers.

My favourite memory of your loved one is…

I am always just a phone call away

We all need help at times like this, I am here for you

I am usually up early or late, if you need anything

Additional information and suggestions Helping someone who is grieving.