The following letter I wrote to the three other temple board members details the harassment I encountered at the hands of Manorama.

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To whom it may concern

I’m writing this letter to address an incident with the organization of your temple (Fremont Hindu Temple). On Wednesday, Dec. 5, 2017 your board member Manorama Joshi (“Mona”) went out of her way to disrespect, insult, and intimidate me as I visited for prayer and meditation. In addition, other staff defended her and were disrespectful, dishonest, and insular towards me.

It started with Manorama staring angrily at me as I exited my car to enter, not even acknowledging me when I waved at her. As I entered after removing my shoes and socks she angrily blurted “Can I help you!?” I remembered having wondered if visitors could bring and wear slippers for inside the grounds because of cold and rain. I asked “can people bring slippers to wear” noticing that she and others were wearing slippers in the foyer. She angrily responded “no.” I continued my way inside, prayed, and tried to meditate but the dissonance from her ill spirited behavior was too much.

I returned to the front desk to find a group of about five people, all or mostly staff, all facing the wall at the front desk with the security camera monitor. Half were behind the counter. I asked “Am I unwelcome here?” They acted surprised so I asked again twice before it registered with them. They responded that I was. I followed “When I came in, the lady asked ‘can I help you’ in a tone that was unwelcoming.” They denied that there was a problem saying that’s how she talks while at least two others responded “it’s because you look different.”

I returned to meditate and afterward was looking at the shop, never reaching to touch anything, before my planned exit. That’s when Manorama came in to interrogate me. She interrogated me, still in an ill spirited tone and manner, asking about my “credentials”, education, and religious beliefs, repeatedly calling me “boy” as she claimed that a “young boy” like me shouldn't be “spiritual” but “should be working” and how I “shouldn’t be going around like you’re homeless.” She asserted she was just giving “motherly advice.” She broke the conversation saying she had to give someone a ride and that she would return. She had not asked for my perspective or given a chance for me to answer her impositions on how I “should” be living according to her judgment.

I sat in my car, hurt and stunned at how rude she had been and considering not staying to talk to her again. I tried to meditate with the pain I felt. Before long, she had returned.

When I approached her as she sat on a pew in the main hall alone, she acted as if there was no conversation before or she didn’t expect me to have stayed waiting for her. I asked her to guess my age which she correctly guessed is near 40. A 40 year old man is not a “boy.” When she asked me to guess her age, I generously guessed “near 60”. She gloated and bragged that she was about 80 and how she’s been blessed with Shirdi Sai Baba’s strength. I noted that even those with siddhis aren’t necessarily spiritually true. During this second conversation in which she repeatedly interrupted and spoke without regards for what I expressed, myself. She expressed that “I’ve worked, I have a car and a house” “You should be working, not trying to be spiritual. You shouldn’t be going around like you’re homeless from place to place. You shouldn’t be trying to be a sanyasi, depending on others and the government.” “I’m not judging...” she asserted. I pointed that she was indeed judging. “I’m only judging one thing.” she responded. “That’s judging…” I stated, looking into her eyes. She finally stopped this line of self justification. I tried to explain to her that the Divine doesn’t work the same way in everybody’s life so she can’t say how anyone “should” live.

A second female staff member rudely interrupted the conversation. She made no effort to acknowledge me as a person or excuse herself into the conversation asking “can you help with something?” I volunteered to help. She later told me her name was “Siya.” The maintenance man was moving a tabletop. I helped him move it into the smaller hall with Siya trying to micromanage how I handled it, barking an order to “hold it with both hands”... as if she had any sense of the limits of my strength and despite the fact I was grasping it with two hands. Siya gave me two bananas from prasad. While I was still standing, Manorama asked my name. When I asked hers, she said “Mona”. I asked the maintenance man if he needed more help and he said maybe later. I turned to Manorama to continue our conversation. She and and Siya were talking and she didn’t even look directly at me. I sat beside her between the eastern door and a column. She didn’t even look at me. Waiting for a gap in their conversation I lightly tapped her shoulder with the back of my fingers to get her attention when one came. She ignored me and kept talking. Hurt by this affront, but trying to remain present, I meditated there.

After a minute or two she indicated she was ready to continue. I reiterated that she alone isn’t the Divine and that the Divine determines how lives are lived, not she. She assented that it’s true that “destiny” can’t be changed. Then she kept pretentiously justifying herself with the pretense that she was just giving me “motherly” advice. I explained that the sentiment is fine but she has to keep in mind that the Divine determines things and that she needs to factor in that person’s perspective as well. When her false pretense and shallow arguments could no longer be defended, she started into her final tirade. “This is a place for prayer, not recreation.” I responded that I wasn’t doing recreational things there. She continued, again saying I shouldn’t be going around like I’m homeless and how I “work is worship.” “We have security cameras so we see what you are doing. Having long ago noticed the cameras, I told her I knew about them as I pointed to one overhead. As I tried to continue my response she tried to interrupt me, not accounting for anything I expressed.

I pointed out that she wasn’t listening and she responded “I don’t want to listen to you.” As I tried to speak she turned her face away then got up. Walking away as I tried to speak to her, she finally let go of all pretense “It’s not about that. It’s really about about safety.” “You’re suspicious. We just wanted to be sure about our safety.” Of course her terribly disrespectful and rude ways of dealing with me up to that point had long ago made it clear she never cared a thing about me. All her speaking and acting were in ill faith and spirit towards me. She had finally giving up on her obviously transparent attempt to cover it up by falsely claiming she was merely being “motherly” while every single action, word and gesture of hers towards me showed her utter contempt for me as brightly as broad daylight. When she left I meditated more, then helped the maintenance man figure out a way to hang the table by improvising because the chain didn’t fit the hooks. I also ultimately helped him to hang it. He thanked me for my help.

I stopped at the front desk on my way out. Siya and the man who’s usually there watching the monitor were present. I noted Manorama’s behavior. They implied she acted alone. Neither offered any sort of apology or consoling concerning the incident. I expressed how extremely hurt I had been, concluding that it hurt like hell. I then exited and sat down to put my shoes on. Overcome with grief, I burst into tears momentarily. I returned to the front desk and explained that a more helpful response on their part would have been to apologize on behalf of the temple organization. They refused. Siya insisted “I only apologize for things I say.” I explained that Manorama is part of the temple organization and thus her behavior reflects on the organization which they too represent. Her ill behavior towards me was the organization’s ill behavior towards me. As such they should apologize on behalf of the organization. They reluctantly mumbled apologies.

I observed that in her behavior the temple organization discriminated against me. They tried to deny it. Their cold, insular ways of relating to me made it clear they were in agreement with her behavior. Siya told me not to “think too deeply” adding insult to injury. I noted that besides her behavior being rude and insulting, Manorama stated herself that I was “suspicious” and that it was “about safety.” I noted further that every time I’ve visited the temple, I’ve only ever prayed and meditated. The front desk man acknowledged this being so, explaining how he always saw this when watching watching me via the security cameras. He noted that my visits were usually at about 11am or 3pm. I followed that there was absolutely no basis for treating me as “suspicious” except by race. I’m seen as “suspicious” and a “threat” purely because of my race. They tried to deny so I added that earlier in the morning at least two of the persons responded that “It’s because you look different” when I asked if I was unwelcome. He assented that it was true because he had been present when I asked. That’s race based. That’s racial discrimination. All evidence points to pure, unclothed racism.

I returned the fruit, stating that I could not possibly take it. I felt sick to the stomach even looking at it. Earlier, on my way to exit before this juncture, I had considered giving the bananas to another deity but as I prayed silently the inclination came to keep it. I guess I had been meant to keep it so I could directly return it to the ones who gave it to me in insincere ‘appreciation’ while having contempt for me in their hearts.

I returned to my car and meditated, sitting with the pain and grief. I returned immediately to ask the front desk man and Siya for their names. The man first said his name once. It sounded like “Rakesh” but when I asked him to repeat it, then to write it for me, he refused to do either. I explained that it was so I could reference them in writing. He kept insisting I attend your Tuesday board meeting at 6pm. I stated I was uncomfortable with that but he, of course, disregarded that sincere concern of mine and maintained his insistence that I attend, refusing to confirm his name and stating that he would be present. The woman said her name was “Siya” and spelled it for me so I reluctantly use it in this writing, hoping she was at least honest in this instance. She gave me two email addresses to write to concerning this incident but no names. They are deepakchhabara@pacbel.net and rajeshverma2@hotmail.com .

In conclusion, based on the behaviors and actions in on this day it is clear that my character and actions mean nothing. I’m not a person to your organization or community. I’m the simple minded, false, imaginary character you share of “black” people. My only “sins” of action were praying and meditating on several instances at the temple. I also usually donated when I visited and rarely so much as even used the restroom. My only other “sin”, the cardinal sin, was being “black.” Thus I’ve been subjected to such ill treatment at the hands of your board member with insult added to injury by two of your other staff people who merely defended themselves and showed absolutely no concern for me as a human being. Manorama’s behavior was clearly planned organizationally. She’s a board member and had obviously been aware of my regular visits. There was no “can I help you” needed but was an easy choice as a convenient staple in this country for “politely” telling people they’re not welcome. I’ve been to a Hindu temple in this region where I was welcomed. I was greeted with “Hi, how are you?” which followed with cordial inquiry and conversation. I was treated like a human being, not a two dimensional false image maintained to make those who hold it falsely feel superior.

This racial discrimination comes from an organization with a large figure of Shirdi Sai Baba near its entrance. He is a saint most notable for his acts and words directly counter to the false boundaries of divisiveness and discrimination like religion, caste, and creed. The greatest saints of the religion your organization represents such as Shirdi Sai Baba, Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi, Neem Karoli Baba, Poonjaji, Nisargadatta Maharaj… acted and taught completely counter to the the spirit of ignorance, divisiveness, hatred, elitism, and contempt your organization has displayed towards me. So too does the body of wisdom embodied by the Vedas, the Bhagavad Gita, and the Upanishads run contrary to this. And yes, I’m aware that there is a sliver of the Vedas that can be and has been misinterpreted to justify caste… Not unlike the Bible being falsely misinterpreted to justify racism... The only person who acted with integrity and humanity towards me was the maintenance man. He showed the greatest alignment with the highest spirit of what your institution represents in those divine images it houses.

I can’t help but consider the light of your prevailing attitudes and deeply held beliefs as exampled this day. It’s patently clear that I would have been treated better if I was any “race” but “black.” I even suspect I would have been warmly welcomed, if not practically worshiped if I had been white.

Regards,