A man was selling fans, and a lady was looking through them for about fifteen minutes trying to decide which one to buy. Finally, she chose a cheap 50 cent fan.
She paid for it and left, but the next day she came back with a furious look on her face. "That fan that you sold me yesterday--it was really a piece of junk!" she complained. "In fact, it broke and fell apart."
She handed him the pieces of the broken fan, and the seller replied, "Well, tell me this--how did you use it?"
"How do you think I used it? I put the fan near my face, and then I waved the fan from side-to-side!"
"Well," responded the seller, "that's how you're supposed to use a $3 fan--not a 50 cent fan. With a 50 cent fan, you're supposed to hold the fan while you move your head side-to-side."
A young man went up to his father one day and said, "May I have an increase in my allowance?"
"Well," replied the father, "let's say I give you one. So what?"
"I can then afford to go to school."
"And let's say you do. So what?"
"I will get a better job."
"OK, and if you that, so what?"
"I could wear expensive clothes and go places and meet people."
"OK, and if that happens, so what?"
"I might meet the girl of my dreams."
"And if you do, so what?"
"Well, I might marry her."
"And if you marry her, so what?"
"I would be happy!"
"So let's say you are happy. So what?"
A traveler was walking through a town and asked a local man, "Do you know where Mr. Yenkel is?"
"Yeah, you must mean Mr. Yenkel the Stutterer," the man replied. "He lives down yonder, past the bakery."
When the traveler got to the bakery, he asked someone, "Can you direct to Mr. Yenkel?"
"You must mean Mr. Yenkel the Wife Beater," replied the man. "Just go that way and you'll find him."
So the traveler kept on going, and then asked another man, "Can you tell me if Mr. Yenkel is around here?"
"Yeah, you must mean Mr. Yenkel the Crook. He lives in that building. When you see him, make sure to tell him I want the hundred dollars he owes me!"
Finally, the traveler made it to Mr. Yenkel, and asked him, "Tell me, what do you get out of being warden of this town?"
"Well," Mr. Yenkel replied, "financially, it is not very rewarding at all. But I do it for the honor!"
A Lithuanian man immigrated to America and struggled for a few months selling various small dollar goods. One day, he went to the synagogue and applied for the position of sexton. The head of the temple asked him, "Can you read and write English?"
"No," the man replied.
"Well then," said the other, "I can't give you the job. You must know how to read and write if you want to be a synagogue sexton in America."
So the man left dejected. However, as time passed, he eventually became a wealthy real estate trader. One day, he went to the bank to get a loan. They approved, but when they asked him fill out a form, he admitted somewhat embarrassingly, "I don't know how to write or read. I only know how to sign my name."
Taking this as a cue to begin preaching, the banker said, "Oh. Well, that's interesting. I mean, look at you here, a wealthy man who has amassed his fortune without knowing how to read or write. Imagine what you would be today if you were educated!"
"If I were educated," replied the other, "I'd be a sexton at the synagogue across the street."