By Leila Dunfee - Editor - May 29th, 2025

In a bold move to combat the rising number of suspiciously timed “dentist appointments” and “family emergencies,” Eastview’s attendance office will be implementing a new system that includes fingerprint scanners and DNA testing. This aims to “modernize” the attendance policy and crack down on the “delinquents” who spend their days wreaking havoc across Apple Valley rather than within the walls of EVHS. 

“I think this will really streamline the process,” said an anonymous attendance staff member. “And there is nothing more important than reminding students that they are property of Eastview from 7:40 am to 2:30 pm.”

Students are less thrilled. “We used to be able to just fill out a form and lie saying we were our parents. Now we’re dealing with CIA-level security!” said a senior who recently turned 18. 

In addition to these policies, attendance claims to be working with admin to go even further and incorporate “criminal justice system-style ankle monitors” to ensure students are actually going where they claim to be. “It is still up in the air but yes, this is something we hope to introduce to EVHS,” says attendance. Here's hoping that fights don’t break out between the attendance office and D1 senior sliders.

By Ava Johnson - Writer - May 19th, 2025

Frustrated by loading wheels, frozen screens, and unsent texts, Eastview students have taken drastic measures to communicate with each other. The ancient practice of carrier pigeon messaging, long thought extinct, is now making a shocking comeback in school hallways.

“The pigeons are just faster,” says junior Will Finkleson, “there’s no doubt about it.” Will began training his pigeon in late February after a texting disaster left him unable to ask his friend to borrow notes for the test.“I typed out a whole text asking if she had the chemistry notes, and by the time it was finally sent, the test was already over,” he explained. 

What started as a half dozen birds has quickly grown into the thousands. Students can’t go more than a few seconds without seeing a feathery flash overhead, and the usual lunchroom chatter is deafened by the coos of hundreds of pigeons. Where the birds are coming from, it’s hard to say. One thing is for sure however, they are effective. A new report shows that messages sent by pigeons are received 86% faster than those sent on school wifi. Talk about efficiency!

Not everyone is happy about the change, however. The janitorial squad has been forced to work overtime to clean up after the birds, removing about 2,500 pounds of pigeon droppings from the school weekly. “It’s madness,” says chief custodian Leslie Buffinshine, “We’ve had to order more carpet cleaner in this year than all years in Eastview’s history combined.” School officials have also cited several health concerns associated with the birds. As of last week there were 62 reported cases of bird flu in the C3 cluster alone.

Despite all the challenges, it doesn’t look like the pigeons are going away any time soon. Students have taken the situation into their own hands, forming unions on the bird’s behalf, fighting to ensure the birds remain well fed and not overworked. There’s even talk of expanding the message network, with seagulls under consideration for long-distance messages.

Through it all, the school’s tech department claims the Wi-Fi will return to “near usable” speeds by the end of the semester, though most students remain skeptical. In the meantime, the pigeons have only multiplied, clustering along ledges, windows, and any flat surface sturdy enough to hold them. The Wifi may come and go, but the pigeons are here to stay.

By Max Huberty - Editor-in-Chief - May 5th, 2025

Eastview is piloting a new pass system: triple authentication. Now when a student wants to leave class, they must sign on their iPads, have their teacher sign into their portal, and finally the student must answer both a quiz and a survey. The questions include, but are not limited to: 

• How many times have you used a pass this year? 

• Why are you using a pass? 

• What is the name of your childhood pet? 

• What town were you born in? 

• Additional information

When students get back, they must recheck in with their teacher and describe any discrepancies in their break. For students who use too many breaks, an ominously undefined number, they are subject to drug tests. 

This procedure is set to begin school-wide next year, assuming the pilot program goes well. The change, put in place by Administration, is an attempt to try to eliminate abuses to the pass system. Many students feel that the change punishes the majority for the transgressions of a few. Others appreciate the change, stating that “at least I can enjoy the bathroom in peace.” Regardless of individual opinion, the changes are set to make quite the stir. Students can make their own thoughts known by using the additional information section.

By Norah Brusco - Editor - May 5th, 2025

Ever sat up late, endlessly moving your thumb across your phone screen? Well, think again. Instagram CEO Adam Mosseri, has rolled out new plans to limit scrolling. From now on, Instagram will begin to charge users one dollar for every additional reels scroll beyond the daily allotted scrolls of ten.

Immediately under fire for this policy, Instagram has gone to their platform to defend themselves. Mosseri writes that it’s the only way to curtail the rampant racism, incels, and brain rot that comes from reels as users scroll further and further down. He also adds that it will generate more revenue, which will be put into making the app more enjoyable and efficient. 

Well, not everyone at Eastview is pleased with this policy. One student, who requested to remain anonymous, wrote that “I’m really worried about my friends and their scrolling addiction, I just don’t know if they have the money to sustain their lifestyle.” There have already been signs of the effects of this policy in our communities. Several Eastview students have been seen standing on the street, begging for money to use for scrolls. Others have been observed in the nurse's office with withdrawal symptoms ranging from nervous breakdown to anger outbursts. 

School officials have been briefed about the effects of this policy change. One teacher notes that “oh yes, we’ve been warned to not give out any money to students, no matter how hard they may beg.” In the Eastview building, several additional policies are going to be implemented for the remaining month of the school year. A resource center has been set up for students experiencing scrolling withdrawals. This resource center will be complete with an automated device to move the thumbs in a repetitive pattern to simulate scrolling. Overall, the Eastview community is prepping for an extreme ripple effect, and they are here to help you. 

By Pranya Duvvuru - Writer - May 4, 2025

The news out of Washington has been chaotic, but one thing has caught the eye of the public: the Trump administration’s sweeping tariff proposals. On April 2 — “Liberation Day” — President Trump announced tariffs on virtually every country in the world. Those tariffs were quickly reversed, but two remained: a 10% universal tariff on all goods imported from around the world, and a 104% tariff on China.

Since then, the tariffs on China have only gone up, escalating the conflict to a full-blown trade war.

Here at Eastview, in famously conservative Minnesota, the prom committee has decided to take the same approach. 

“Eastview comes first. Always. The fact that we still allow students from other countries to come to our prom when they contribute nothing to the Eastview community is simply wrong, and that’s why we’re implementing the new measure,” said one member of the committee.

“Exactly! And they get all of the benefits of buying our prom tickets: they buy so many, and get to experience something amazing! When we buy their prom tickets, we get a party with people we don’t know and subpar food. Unbelievably unfair,” someone else on the committee sec.

When asked about what people with partners from other schools should do about prom, the answer was clear: “You shouldn’t even be dating them anyway.”

So, for any students from other schools who may be looking forward to Eastview prom, I’m sad to inform you that it might not be worth it, because your ticket now costs $232.75.

By Abbey Zila- Writer- May 4, 2025

 All AP tests are set to be doubled next year! That’s right, AP biology, AP world, and even AP statistics! Yes, this does mean double the writing and double the questions. However, there will not be double the time to complete everything. The College Board says, “this change will be a good challenge for the students, it will showcase to colleges how efficiently students can work, and how effectively they can use their time!” We don’t have all the information yet, but there is a possibility it’s likely the price to take the test might double too. 

          I interviewed an AP World History student named Zoey Wade, for her thoughts on the change. Zoey said,  “it’s frustrating […] we simply don’t have enough time […] it’s setting us up to fail.” “If we fail, the colleges will see, and that will affect our futures,” Zoey added.

        I also interviewed one of the AP world teachers, Mr. Vandeberg for some insight as to why they extended the test. “We’ve told the parents we’d keep the kids occupied because they complained about their kids playing block blast, so we are going to keep them longer to prepare for this longer test,” he said. There has been outcry from parents and teachers alike to end block blast addiction. So it seems one of the reasons they extended the test was to combat the block blast epidemic. 

         The conclusion I came to with these interviews is that there are mixed emotions on this new system. Whatever it is, we will all be facing it next school year!

By Ashton Abram - Editor - May 4, 2025

In recent years, Eastview High Schools attendance office has been fighting a war, a war on school reentries. With the persistent issue of students trying to (re-enter the building) seemingly going nowhere, the head office has finally settled upon a strategy to create the best learning environment for the Eastview community. Starting in the 2025-2026 school year, the attendance office will be administering Ellis Island-style immigration tests for all students seeking to re-enter the building during the day.

Starting this next school year, every student seeking to enter the building between the hours of 7:40 am and 2:30 pm will be taken to a back room in which they will undergo a rigorous examination to ensure the school’s safety. These tests include: interpreting DBQ documents (but only political cartoons about Mao’s cultural revolution), rigorous analysis of a student’s ability to construct a jenga tower (denying freshman through juniors whose max heights exceed the lowest senior’s), and a full examination of any lunch bags brought into the school for the sake of protecting against the ever dreadful bird flu. Beware, confiscations may vary depending on the size of the breakfast Dr. Franchino eats in the morning. 

Further, the school has promised that in order to create an environment truly open to communication, the faculty will be free to adjust entrants’ names as they see fit. The only announcements thus far in this regard have been for students to “prepare themselves for more classmates with really cool names, like Ashton, to be in their classes.”

These new policies will apply to students grades 9-12, and Ms. Greta Thomas.

By Ashton Abram - Editor - May 7, 2024

After a long year, Eastview seems to have finally found a solution to the controversial phone caddy system: replacing the caddies with industrial sized grinders. With a shredding force capable of destroying a car or moderately sized cow, the head office is certain that this investment will best deal with the phone crisis and ensure the best learning environment for students and teachers alike.

For students worried about their devices though, the policy change was made with careful consideration for students' property. Students will be allowed to dust their device’s metal shards and plastic remnants into their own assigned corner of the floor to be recovered at the end of the hour. Eastview is even going as far as to provide each student with a four oz Elmers’ nontoxic glue to be used in reassembling their device to working order at the end of each class period.

In the face of continued complaints of distracted students and misused technology, the school defends the decision as the only possible way forward to protect Eastview’s learning environment. Without the distraction of their friends and family trying desperately to reach them, students will better be able to focus on the learning at hand. For students seeking to avoid use of the grinders, though, the head office offers the alternative of making use of the trash cans in front of the school instead.

by Leila Dunfee - Editor - May 2, 2024

Go into any bathroom at Eastview and you'll have no choice but to see countless messages on the walls along the lines of “do you feel your lungs burning?” or “one person per stall”, an attempt to curb the constant vaping that occurs in the bathrooms. These signs however, have done very little to resolve the issue, and neither have the other policies that have been implemented (monitors during passing time, consequences when students are caught, etc). Admin’s final solution? Make the C2 restroom Eastview’s designated vaping bathroom.

          Admin has accepted that there’s nothing they can do that will separate a student from their vape, admitting that vapes are, “actually not that bad,” choosing instead to focus their attention more on punishing children for “real” crimes, like being late to class. This truly is the ideal solution as it allows non-vaping students to use the bathroom in peace, while the vaping students can bond over their one true love down in C2. This policy is to be first tested in the 2024 school year, although admin doesn’t predict any issues will arise.

Norah Brusco • Editor • May 2, 2024

      “It’s time we start real punishments, kids are too soft these days,” Ms. Hanson, AP English Language and Composition teacher, barked these words during an interview about a new tardy policy to be introduced Fall of 2024. Historically, students who have received three or more tardies are placed in a classroom for silent study. But the administration has decided that this isn’t a big enough punishment for these offenders.

        The solution? A pep fest shame walk. At every pep fest, tardy students will parade on the red carpet to the song “Karma” by Jojo Siwa. This song was specifically selected as it reminds students that “thou shalt not lie” and that they shouldn’t have “effed around.” Administration feels that this will serve as a reminder to the delinquent students. Along with the music, students in the stands are invited to boo, jeer, and chomp. Once these offenders have completed their trek, they will then join the rest of the award winners on the bleachers. 

         To further induce shame for their criminal acts, a jumbo-tron will be hung in the center of the gym. With a Hunger Games soundtrack playing, pictures of the offenders will be displayed on a loop for the rest of the pep fest. 

          Mr. Vandeberg says that this new policy is the next best thing to being able to beat students. As a teacher sentenced to deal with freshmen, this comes as a welcomed change.

by Max Huberty - Editor - May 7th

On April 28, an Eastview Junior was admitted to the Fairview Hospital and later the Mayo Clinic after ingesting Eastview Lightning Sauce. Concerns arose for this student during the later part of sixth period when they starting developing symptoms of eye redness, fever, and difficulty breathing. The student went home before the end of the school day and later went to the emergency room that night after their symptoms worsened. 

Doctors at Fairview Hospital ran a series of tests to try to determine a diagnosis. After the tests came back clear, infectious disease personnel at Fairview got worried about more serious contagious diseases and thus sent the student to Mayo Clinic for more intensive testing. At the Mayo Clinic, doctors were shocked to learn that the student was testing positive for H5N1 (commonly known as bird flu). Bird flu has a high mortality rate, but fortunately, the student’s condition has stabilized. 

Center for Disease Control (CDC) experts immediately worked to find the source of the student’s contamination to prevent further cases. Looking to news, recent upticks in bird flu have revealed dairy cows as carriers which can then be transmitted through dairy products. However, pasteurized dairy cannot transmit the disease. The experts thus suggest that Eastview Lightning Sauce was contaminated with – or contains – unpasteurized dairy. Eastview administration has issued call backs as directed. Currently, the CDC is investigating the Eastview Lightning Sauce to determine causation. 

by Leila Dunfee - Editor - May 7th    

       If you’re familiar with the popular social media app TikTok, you may also be familiar with BookTok, a sub community on TikTok focused around books. And it wouldn’t take much digging through BookTok to find the thousands of raving reviews for Sarah J. Maas’s A Court of Thorns and Roses, commonly known at ACOTAR. This popular fantasy-romance series is appreciated for its fictional politics, complex characters, and certain “spicy” scenes. But its fame is not secluded to BookTok; teachers here at Eastview are loving the series, and have gone so far as to create a book club dedicated to ACOTAR. 

          Book club members plan to spend meetings discussing, analyzing, and predicting all aspects of the series, with the hopes that meetings will provide them with new insights that can be applied to their teaching. However it’s not just English teachers that are participating, those from all departments are seeking to join the ACOTAR book club, proving that anyone (over 18) can enjoy these books. While the club is unfortunately not available to students, perhaps if you ask really nicely Mr. Currie will give you his thoughts on chapters 54 and 55 from the second book, A Court of Mist and Fury. 

by Morgan Brown - Writer - May 7th

The Eastview administration reports that bathroom pass lanyards will be replaced by cattle branders. Administrators made this decision because of the persistent problems with students stealing or destroying the bathroom passes they are given.

For the past three years, each room has had a bathroom pass lanyard that teachers wear around their necks and give to students to let hall monitors know that they are allowed to be in the hallways. These passes have been through it all—they have been taken into all sorts of bathrooms, touched by dirty hands, fallen in sinks, and more. 

To combat this problem, each teacher will be equipped with electric cattle branders. These will heat themselves up instead of needing a fire or heat source to make it easier to use and keep the fire danger relatively low (but not zero!). They also will not get as hot as regular cattle branders because human skin is thinner than cowhide. On top of this, each of the cattle branders will be the teachers’ initials to let the hall monitors know whose class they are in. 

The administration reports that “[cattle branders] will not cause long term damage to the students”, and complimentary aquaphor will be provided to assist in the healing process. This policy will go into effect at the beginning of the 2024-2025 school year and bathroom lanyards will no longer be considered valid hall passes.

Clare Murray • Writer • May 31, 2023

Following record-low sales of student parking passes, Eastview’s administration has implemented a creative (and controversial) solution to boost parking pass sales. 

        Eastview currently has two (paid) student lots. If a student without a pass parks in these lots, they will be fined. Each semester, a parking pass costs $120. Students who want to save money can park for free near the tennis courts across the field. 

       Historically, this lot has been called the ‘Loser Lot’. To create stigma surrounding the free lot, in 2003 the administration introduced this name among students. “Basically,” an anonymous Eastview alumni said, “parking in the Loser Lot meant you were a loser. It’s in the name”. After this stigma was created, parking pass sales were boosted by 159%. Despite this, today many students opt to park in the free lot. 

       The recent controversy comes from an attempt to make the Loser Lot less attractive and the student lots more attractive. Last week, the Eastview administration installed an elaborate maze in the field (pictured above). As a result, students who park in the Loser Lot are 25 minutes late to their classes on average. A junior explained, “Yesterday I couldn’t find my way out of the maze until fourth hour. I missed tests in calculus and history. It’s just really annoying. Honestly, I might have to buy a parking pass or just take the bus”. 

        While tardiness is an issue, more students are buying parking passes than ever before. Since the maze emerged, each paid parking lot has been full every day. An Eastview administrator who preferred to stay unnamed reported, “Funds from the parking passes will go to filling the many potholes in the parking lot. It’s unfortunate that some students are having difficulties with the maze, but it is necessary”. 

       Eastview paves the way as the first high school in the nation to successfully  implement this creative strategy to increase parking pass sales.

Greta Riedl • Co-Editor-in-Chief • May 16, 2022

The March pepfest at Eastview High School brought on much more than the typical school spirit and achievement recognition. There is a reason why the freshman class has never won the annual tug-of-war competition — hence why some were skeptical when the freshmen claimed their victory. 

After a week of speculation following the pepfest, the stir among upperclassmen and staff hit its peak. The rumor made its way to the athletic director Mr. Percival, and an investigation was launched. Each member of the freshman team was brought in for questioning. This newspaper submitted a request for the footage, but it was unfortunately denied on the grounds of child privacy laws. After the team members, the staff were questioned. All allegations were denied. 

The investigation had made no progress. The rest of Eastview High School continued with their daily routines as normal, despite the historical investigation occurring right under their noses. While the questions asked are still unavailable to the public, the administration took further action to uncover the true reason the freshman class won tug-of-war. On March 28, the members of the class of 2025 tug-of-war team were lined up and tested, although the substance in question was unknown at the time. 

          “I'm not sure why we're doing this. I think the seniors just can't accept losing,” one freshman said. Despite this individual's statement, each and every member of the team tested positive for a well-known banned substance in the rules of Eastview High School tug-of-war. 

          The class of 2025 will be banned from tug-of-war for the rest of their careers due to the confirmation of water in their systems.

Emily Hering - Co-editor-in-chief - May 16th, 2022

Eastview High School has recently been named the 5th best school in Minnesota. Although this is an extremely high accomplishment, some disappointment was expressed by students wondering why we weren’t ranked higher. This ranking reflects the hard work and dedication of our staff and students. But it also reflects other parts of the school, and it’s important to consider all members of the Eastview community. In fact, a recent issue with the school nurse could be the reasoning behind Eastview's ranking.

A student at Eastview (who has asked to remain anonymous) recently fell down the stairs leading to the commons. They tumbled down the entire flight of stairs, resulting in a severe break in their right leg and a fracture in their left ankle. Naturally, after the fall they were rushed to the nurse's office. Panic ensued and the high schoolers who witnessed the event even considered calling an ambulance. However, when the student got to the nurse's office, the nurse seemed unconcerned. Swearing it was something she’d seen a million times, she let the student sit there for 5 minutes with an ice pack before returning to class. The student was appalled and reported that they almost passed out from the pain. They were even asked to return the ice pack after they were done using it, so it could be reused. This ice pack was shockingly not able to mend their broken bones, and the student remained in pain throughout the day. They were unable to contact a parent because of the new phone policies. They also were not supplied with an elevator pass from the nurse, so they had to continue to try to hobble up and down the very same stairs, they fell down earlier. 

Overall, it was a very negative experience for the student and they ultimately decided to take legal action against the school. The court date has been set, and although it is not being released to the public or the Eastview newspaper team, we do know that the US News platform (who’s in charge of releasing the school rankings) was given access to the details of the charges as well as the court date. So although no actual evidence exists that the ice pack incident is what led to our ranking, one could reasonably assume it played a role. The newspaper staff at Eastview will follow up on the lawsuit as more information becomes available.

We should all be thankful that Eastview ranked as high as it did, and hope that the next time you hurt yourself at school, the nurse has rethought the ice pack practices here at Eastview High School.

What happened?

NHS election results are out! There is a wonderful batch of juniors who have been elected to represent Eastview’s NHS chapter. Unfortunately, they may not get the chance to do so. On April 24th, the Eastview security cameras in the B2 cluster found Mr. Kelly engaging in some mischievous activities. Apparently, Mr. Kelly, the Eastview NHS adviser, was caught holding several NHS ballots. The current assumption is that he was trying to alter election results in some way shape or form. However, no one knows why he would do this. 

What happens next?

Eastview is a school that values honesty and academic integrity. Teachers are not an exception to this principle. Dr. Francino will have a meeting with Mr. Kelly and focus on working on his academic integrity in the future. 

What does this mean for elections in the future?

In the future, Eastview will switch its NHS election format. It is imperative that Eastview elections are less vulnerable to tampering by external sources. Many current NHS board members believe that having ranked-choice voting would be good. Many other board members believe that having a non-partisan ethics committee to look over results after the election would help too. 

Hopefully, in the future, Eastview can have free and fair elections. What is a school's reputation without faith in its system? 

Akansha Kamineni • Feature Editor • May 6th, 2020

Ahhh… debate season - arguably the best season of the year. Ok, I’ll try not to make any more amazing puns, but as a member of Eastview debate, I feel the need to brag about our incredible team. Whether you’re immersed in the world of Classic debate, Public Forum, or Congress, one thing that we can all agree on is that the first activity of the year is one of the best. Before the beginning of each season, we get together for a full day of debate - regardless of what category we participate in. The very first thing that we do (after introducing ourselves and talking about what we did over the summer of course): analyze Trump Tweets.

Trump Tweets are infamous. I can guarantee that you've come across one in your lifetime whether it was seen as you were scrolling through Twitter, on an Instagram meme page, or even in the depths of a BuzzFeed article. While President Donald Trump boasts 78.8 Millions current followers on Twitter, he’s actually more widely known for his stellar debate skills. In fact, his best counterargument in a debate is “it’s rigged” - his talent leaves us all in awe. In a 2016 rally in North Carolina, he bragged about how he was the first presidential candidate to use the word “rigged”. Trump takes quite a lot of pride in his debate skills, and as debaters, we’re always looking to learn from the best, so you’d imagine our surprise when out of the blue, Donald Trump was on our debate Zoom call.

Each year, we have a debate meeting near the end of the school year to discuss upcoming events and future captains, but this one was definitely more entertaining than previous years. As we began to recognize members of the team who were going to compete in the National Speech and Debate Tournament, a voice piped up saying, “I’m ready for the Young Republicans meeting!” Of course, we all laughed at the spot-on impression of Donald Trump only to find that surely enough, the President of the United States was on our Zoom call. To say that we were starstruck is an understatement - I mean, it’s not everyday that you get to Zoom with your president.

After our initial shock had worn off, we began to bombard him with questions: “How’d you get our Zoom ID?”, “Will you ever reinstate WHO funding?”, “Have you injected bleach?”. Of course, our questions stopped as quickly as they had started because his answer, “I’m the smartest person here, I know what I’m doing,” quelled all of our doubts. Finally, Junior Alli Hering decided to ask him the one question that was on all of our minds: “Why are you on our Zoom call?”

After an entertaining story on how he had seen a tweet sent out by Junior Akshara Molleti asking celebrities to join our Zoom, he began to teach us the basics of debate. President Trump’s lesson was so helpful and easy to follow that he taught us everything he knew within five minutes before leaving, citing “important president stuff”. Next time you hear us Eastview debaters winning a round with an “it’s rigged”, you’ll know that it was the work of our very own president. Some may get to brag about how Kim Kardashian, Matthew McConaughey, or Peyton Manning joined their Zoom classes, but how many people get to say that they Zoomed with the President?

Vikash Giritharan  •  Variety Editor  •  May 7th, 2020

 In the midst of our current global pandemic, travel has reduced significantly. As a result, the supply of oil worldwide has skyrocketed while demand seems to have skydived instead. In order to deal with this problem, CEOs of some of the biggest gas station companies including KwikTrip, BP, Exxon/Mobil, and Holiday are trying to get rid of their oil reserves due to an overflow in their stations. The companies have their own slogan for this joint initiative: “Help US Help YOU! Power for the Future”. 

 Americans all across the nation are taking advantage of this amazing project. Most likely due to the fact that companies are offering between $0.75-$1.00 per gallon to those who are willing to fill their cars with excess gas. Earlier this week a gas station in Thurmond, West Virginia (considered to be one of the most abandoned cities in America) started their business early with over 25 cars waiting in line to take advantage of this life-changing opportunity.

Many members of the campaign offices for Elizabeth Warren and Tulsi Gabbard have already been spotted waiting in lines at different gas stations awaiting the daily moola $. As a result of their generosity, citizens in all different backgrounds and economic classes are seen supporting such companies in large quantities after a long time of dismay. Surprisingly, this crowd includes many socialists in America who are looking forward to a more equitable country in the near future. Maybe gas stations are the way to go! Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took a selfie (six feet apart of course) with some of her supporters at a Holiday gas station last Saturday to continue her support for the joint initiative, setting a precedent for other politicians as well. 

All in all, America is getting better every single day, and some of the biggest and most successful businesses want to give back in one of the most creative new initiatives that will hopefully push against the stigma of fossil fuels in our country. Because after all, they really do care about us. Even if they’re responsible for the more than 5.1 billion metric tons of CO2 in our atmosphere every year.

Akshara Molleti  •  Sports Editor  •  May 7th, 2020

     The coronavirus continues to change our lives every single day. Since March, Minnesota students have been told to stay at home. Teachers have had to move months of curriculum online and have Zoom meetings with their students. As the pandemic continues on, we have all developed some sort of a routine that we do everyday at home. A few weeks ago the governor announced that Minnesota schools would stay closed for the rest of the school year. I am here to give you some even better news. The district has deemed distance learning so effective, it will last forever!

There are so many benefits to distance learning, that of course it makes sense that we will continue to do it forever. The best part of distance learning? The lack of integrity. Ever since we have started school, we have been told to have integrity and “act like someone is watching.” The best way to get rid of all these terrible ideals is to implement a system that incentivizes cheating and has no accountability on students. Have a math test? Use your notes. Your teacher definitely will not know anything is different when your grade suddenly starts going up while you are actually doing less homework. Writing an English essay? Facetime your friends and share ideas. It is clear that distance learning will only encourage students to work even harder and will help them develop skills that will actually help them after high school.

In addition, by implementing distance learning forever, we also never have to see our friends and teachers in person! What a great idea! With the increase in use of technology, face-to-face interactions are already decreasing. So, let’s get rid of them completely by having distance learning forever where no one has to see anyone else in person. You don’t want to see that one annoying student in your morning class? Just turn the computer screen away from you or focus on another person’s screen. If you don’t feel like showing your face that day, simply turn off your video and put yourself on mute. Social interaction is not at all necessary for teen development. There is clearly no benefit in developing friendships with other people so distance learning is the perfect way to get rid of this unnecessary use of energy.

Social distance being implemented forever is clearly a wonderful idea that we should all be behind! By abandoning integrity and any type of social interaction, our generation will be the best one yet. High school will definitely be preparing us for the situations we will experience after graduating.

Nikhil Kapur - Editor-in-Cheif -April 28th, 2020

Who would have thought that we would be finishing off the year with online classes. Indeed, as students seemingly struggle to keep up with work in a traditional class setting, one department at Eastview High School has noticed that their students are more engaged than ever: Gym classes. 

“It’s actually remarkable,” said Mr. Currie. Although he has no affiliation with the EVHS Phy-Ed department, he is certain that the online system is actually better for students’ health than the traditional setting. The student body backs this idea up. “I am not even joking. For some reason I take it more seriously. There is something about a Schoology update that is much more intimidating than a gym teacher yelling at us to get in the zone ” said Senior and Track Captain Megan Beyer. She continues that, “I think we are gonna see kids coming back to next year's track season breaking their PRs like nobody’s business”. 

For others, the benefits of the new type of gym class lie in the freedom that they have. Senior Sanat Iyer points out “he’s been able to personalize [his] workout routine”, finding that the gym assignments are neither repetitive nor easy to lie about. “Oh I don’t think it's possible to lie about working out with the way the system has been set up. That would take a lot of work.”

 Iyer isn’t wrong. From the kids who tap their heart rate monitors to get in the zone, or the ones who walk when their teacher isn’t watching, it is much easier to lie about how much work you are putting in when a teacher is present. 

The new take on gym classes is something that is bound to change the way we stay healthy in the future. There have even been talks of moving to full online gym classes in the future. “It’s the way our society is moving these days,” continued Currie. 

At the end of the day, it is clear that we will see more, if not entirely, online gym classes. With an ever evolving and more connected society, it only makes sense that physical gym classes be abandoned. That way, more resources can be diverted to sports teams that are seriously underfunded, like LDT.