26: A Letter To My Younger Self

Here we are, 26. It has been one hell of a year. One filled with mountain summit highs and even deeper valley lows. The only thing that matters is that we are still here and still fighting. This year, particularly the last few months, has put me through the ringer and tested me mentally more than any recent year. I guess I was naive to think that journeys can’t be altered in the blink of an eye.

26 years have definitely taught me a lot. From something as simple as being kind, to complex as understanding the world around me and how to deal with emotion. I wish I knew what this day would look like when I was younger. Honestly, I don’t really remember ever dreaming of where I would actually be all these years lately outside of that one school assignment. The one in around the first or second grade where they ask you to say what you want to be when you grow up. From baseball player and athlete to radio station broadcaster and game show host, the sky was the limit. Now was I absolutely naive to think that all of that was fully realistic. I just wish I would’ve known what the ending to the story was in order to plan out the right path to get there. That’s the weird thing about life though. It is innately unpredictable and unrelenting. One minute you’re watching the most beautiful sunset and the next it feels as if you’ll never see the sunrise again. There is no use in pondering the past for too long as that part of the story is etched firmly in stone. The only thing you can do is to keep writing the story in the hopes of arriving at an ending worthy of being shared.

Every year I keep saying that I wouldn't write yet another edition of this piece. I honestly wasn’t sure if I would be able to find the time and strength to update it this year. Amidst all the chaos that is ongoing in my life, I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate. Definitely came quite close to putting this project on the shelf until next year. Give my mind a break and avoid reality for a bit. I soon came to realize that you can take as many lessons from the good times as the bad. Progress can’t be made alone in the dark. Sometimes you need some light to help find your way out of the dark. So let’s call this letter my flashlight, once again reflecting on the last year. 

This year I took even more time to reflect on what to add to the list of advice for my younger self. More specifically what piece of advice best describes what I learned this year and compliments the original lessons that I had originally given my younger self 6 years ago to the day on my 20th birthday. Reflecting on that has definitely been a learning experience for sure. Really shows that we are not perfect and always improving as individuals. But this year I decided to add the next point to the list. It is okay to not be okay.

If I’m being honest, it’s been a struggle to keep myself together lately. One wrong glimpse of a memory sends my mind into a spiral for a moment. I eventually get back to center but I’ve had to learn to acknowledge it and feel it all for a moment. Learn how to let it go and not let it fester in the back of my mind. This advice can be cliche for sure these days. But you really don’t know you’re in the good old days until they’re gone. Most of this list ties together honestly. Give myself permission to have an off day and not put on a mask to hide the pain. Allow myself to feel a full range of emotion and ask for help finding a flashlight to illuminate the path forward.

Here is the new complete list of all 26 things that I would tell my past, present and future self:

1. Be your true and authentic self 

• This is pretty self explanatory, although it may seem cliche. You got this far, so why change who you are now? You ARE great, always remember that no matter what happens in the rest of your life.

2. Be willing to move on from things that do not give you joy

• This is going to be a tough pill to swallow. You always want to continue doing the things that once brought you the happiest moments in your life. You always want to stay in touch with people you feel deserve that. But there will come a point in your life where you will need to draw that line and move on to better yourself. Find that difference and be aware of the world around you.

3. Make sure family stays important in your life

• Family is just something that you will want to have to fall back on when something goes wrong (because eventually it sure as hell could). Although you really can’t choose family, you can choose the amount of importance they take in your life. Always remember they had a large part in shaping your personality into what it is today.

4. But make time for friends when you need to

• Don’t be so dang antisocial all the time. Go interact with your friends and make some memories that would have never happened otherwise.

5. Do what makes you happy

• Life is too short to be drowning in your own sorrows doing things that don’t bring you some level of joy. Go out and make the difference that we both know you want to make and be happy again. There have been only a few moments where I have felt truly happy so far and I want you to have more of those opportunities. 

6. Go outside your comfort zone every now and then

• Again I hate to reiterate myself but I feel like you need to hear it. Go on an adventure and change up the status quo in your life. Go say yes to some crazy request and make memories that you will love to share with the next generation.

7. Take time to reflect and recenter

• As much as I would love to see you out and about more, it is imperative that you take time for yourself. For your own health, just take a few moments every now and then to step away from the world and just think. Between school, work, friends, family and everything else that’s thrown at you I don’t even know how you find time to sleep, nevermind think. But the best thoughts are found in silence. Use that to your advantage to find your way to make a difference in the world.

8. Don’t be afraid to have outward emotions

• Right now you may think that you need to keep your self proclaimed ‘wall of emotion’ built as high as the sky. But it is definitely ok to show emotion and just cry it out. Life absolutely sucks and situations come up that bring out the worst facets of life. Trust me in the fact that you have had your fair share. 

9. Take your own advice every now and then.

• You would think after trying to help so many people get through things you’d start to catch on. Just stop being such a freaking hypocrite and go live your life how you wish you could.

10. Aim to laugh, think, and cry everyday 

• As Jim Valvano said if you have accomplished this then you have definitely lived a full day. Just appreciate all of the highs and lows in life and make the most of the time in between. 

11. Give the same effort that you would expect to be reciprocated back.

• Don’t accept anything less than you are willing to give. The people whom you should have in your life will do that one thousand times over. Be friendly with the rest of the world because you never know when you will see them again in life. Your actions are often the thing people remember you by years later, not what you said to them. Remember to appreciate the people that you’ve surrounded yourself with.  

12. Cherish the beauty in life while you still can

• This is so cliche. So much that it is so true. I cannot reiterate this enough but do not by any means let ANYTHING hold you. If doing something means something to you, get up off the dang couch and go freaking do it dude. Life is too short to push new adventures off in your life. Whether that be something as simple as meeting someone new or traveling across the world just do it. The worst that can happen is you’re told no, rethink your course of action, and try again.

13. Don’t be afraid to show the world who you are

• If the world does not accept you for who you truly are, well you might need to find another planet. But in all seriousness, go ahead and show more people who are. Take some baby steps in this department though. Don’t go and tell everyone your whole life story (because you know you hate when people do that).  

14. Keep cracking jokes when the time is right 😂

• Dude, you have a better sense of humor than you give yourself credit for. Just don’t quit your day job and become a comedian like your family suggests.

15. Choose your words deliberately

• What you say to people can truly have a lasting impact that can be irreversible. Be careful how you approach situations and be aware of who is around. You never know who is around and how they can change your life.

16. Ask for a hug when you need it

• Life can be hard sometimes. At some point you just need to let all of your built up emotions out of your system. Find someone you love and trust and hug it out. No one should go through life alone and I hope you find someone to share it with. 

17. Be willing to hear what you don’t want to

• The only way to improve yourself sometimes is hearing the worst from the people you love the most. Be willing to adapt when you are made aware of the fact that you are doing something wrong. Don’t be afraid of failure, just be willing to learn from it.

18. Pursue what you want in life

• The worst thing that can happen is that they say no and life goes on. Even then persistence is key so go rethink your approach and go for that dream again. But if the answer is yes, then you will go far and the sky's the limit.

19. Live life to the fullest

• Life is too short not to try and experience everything the world has to offer. Go out and live your dream. Go meet that stranger across the room. Who knows, they may be your long lost best friend from across the world.

20. Be the change that you want to see in the world

• Finally, again stop being such a hypocrite and go live your own vision for life. It only takes one interaction to make an impact, so what the hell is stopping you from taking action? Self doubt is all. Just get over that hurdle in your mind and you will be golden.

21. Let go

• Let go of your past. Let go of the weight holding you down. Let go of the people who bring you down and don’t care about your well being as much you care about theirs. Now don’t get crazy and hold a bunch of grudges. That’s just not worth it and will probably get you nowhere. Just take note of how certain situations and how certain people made you feel.

22. You are enough

• This has been something that I have been saying a lot lately. I think just a lot of stress overcame you more than in the past. I think the gist of it is that through all of the turmoil in life, your best is enough. That can change daily. Others don’t define your worth. You do. Don’t let the outside world keep you down. Learn from it all to make you better. Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t enough in this world. Because they don’t deserve to be in your life. Keep pushing, keep fighting for what you love.

23. Appreciate and cherish every moment

• Yes I know that it is super cliche. I've probably said it a few times before. But life is too short to waste time. As mind numbing as it is to think about, you only have one life. Take every opportunity to grow and to welcome joy into your life. Live without regret. Embrace every emotion you feel. Routine and simplicity often get overlooked until something drastic occurs. Life can change at any moment. Tell that friend that you miss them. Remember the way they made you feel.

24. Be your own best friend.

• As much as I tell myself I don't, sometimes I compare myself to others. I wonder how life would be different if I had made different decisions. The truth is I will never know. Now maintaining friendships and connections as an adult is hard. I'll be the first to admit that. But one thing I have learned this year is that you have to do things for yourself. The world is going to keep spinning regardless. If you don't take care of yourself first then no one will. Love yourself as much as you love anyone else. Give yourself the grace you need when the going gets rough. Be there for yourself when you need it most.

25. Even on your worst days, dream big.

    • The best is yet to come. Allow your inner child to breathe life. Nothing is impossible. Strap up your boots and get to work towards pursuing things that bring you the most joy (see #5). Now I’m not saying quit your day job and go live in a van full time (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I digress). Fill your days with adventures that bring new excitement and perspective into your life. Achieve your goals that you would have never thought were possible. The world awaits you. Use your dreams as fuel to pull yourself out of the wreckage on your worst day. Your community has your back. You just have to be willing to go for it.

26. It is okay to not be okay.

Well if you’ve read everything up until this point, thank you. I’m sure that this was probably a lot to take in. I hope you can take something from this and apply it to your own life. Your support truly means the world more than you will ever know. Thank you.

I'm grateful to see another year and for all of the good and bad days that come with that. This year was unique in its own right. Hearing from anyone out of the blue is always appreciated. That's one of my favorite parts of birthdays if I'm being honest. But when I think about it, it’s a day that makes me feel loved in the sense that those around me are thankful I am in their lives. I often question why people make a big deal of birthdays to begin with. Why only celebrate living another day for only one day a year? Why not make it feel like every day has some sort of purpose. At least try to enjoy it a little bit. I personally don’t typically like as much of the attention that comes with the day. I feel like I often have an idea of how the day will go. A day full of adventure and excitement and hearing from everyone in your life. Old friends reaching out to send their best wishes. Life often gets crazy but that simple gesture means a lot. But most of the time the day is just real lowkey and goes by in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I wish more attention came on the other 364 days of the year. Maybe it's just me contemplating my place in the world and letting my mind wander about all of life’s what ifs.

On another note, happy birthday!  I say this every year but it is valid and needs to be said more often. I am quite proud of myself for making it to this point. Through all of the adversity I went through, self inflicted or not, that in it of itself is quite the accomplishment. This year had plenty of ups and downs. But I am proud that you made it here and get to experience more of what this life has to offer.  Anyone that knows me decently well knows I absolutely hate talking about myself,  nevermind highlighting anything I did. God forbid I take some credit every now and again. I often don’t want the spotlight. The only thing I want is for a ray of light to shine on me every once in a while, just long enough to be noticed and feel wanted and remembered. 

Looking back at the year, I would say it has been full of growth and memories for sure. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Until next time, be safe and be sure to live a life that you’d be proud to write about in the future.  Be sure to continue to surround yourself with people who make you feel validated, important, and especially loved. Hopefully this time next year I can write an ending that brings a smile to your face when you reread it. Until then my friend, all love.

-T