S1E1
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S1E1
本週參與成員介紹：
S、Renaee、Linda、wei、Hazel、Alison、Han、S.C.、alice2024、雅雅、Ophelia、Mollie 共 12名 (新加入的夥伴們，可自行在名單後面加上您的名字)
Vendor
T-shirts, get your T-shirt!
A tour guide is showing a group of schoolchildren around the White House premises. A man carrying souvenirs reading "I ♥ DC", as well as the United States flag, walks past them.
Tour Guide
And the White House is called "the People's House" because in America, the Government works for you.
Rand
Bullshit!
The kids gasp. Rand turns around to face them and drunkenly rants on, while spilling much of his alcoholic beverage.
Rand
Listen up, kids. Everything they teach you in school is a lie. You want the truth? The world is controlled by shadowy elites, and shape-shifting lizard people. Have you ever folded a one-dollar bill? (folds a one-dollar bill to make a brand new word.) Look, you can make it say "boobs"! What does it mean?? Am I the only one who cares that the President is a robot?!
Rand throws and breaks his glass alcohol bottle on the pavement.
Rand
(through megaphone) Wake up, sheeple! (shoves a flyer in a student's face) The evidence is right here!
Rand throws a bunch of conspiracy flyers in the air, littering the pavement.
Rand
These sons of bitches got snipers trained on me for trying to tell you the truth.
Five snipers point their laser aim at Rand's forehead.
Rand
Ah, I love being right.
A car horn can be heard honking in the distance. The car arrives at the scene, but nearly crashes into the kids and adults there who all scream and run away. The car's right-side window rolls down and Reagan is seen at the driver's seat, disappointed.
Rand
Thank you! Take a flyer for a friend. (drops his megaphone)
Dad, what the fuck? Has retirement made you go completely insane?
Rand
No, but the 5G radio waves in the air have...
Rand shows the flyer from earlier to the crowd, completely visible to the camera and reading
Rand
...which you can read all about in my new manifesto available on Kindle!
Reagan
Oh, Jesus Christ... don't listen to my father, kids! He gets his news from Facebook and Ambien.
Rand
Ambien's a great drug, really clarifies some things.
Reagan
(checks her watch) Come on. I'm gonna be late for work.
Rand enters the car, and Reagan drives off with him as everyone is in shock.
Reagan
(shouting) Democracy is real! Have some keychains.
Reagan picks up a set of American flag keychains and throws them from the car towards the group of children from earlier. One of the keychains hits a boy's eye.
Kid
Agh! (cries)
Rand
Hey Reagan, let's go to the mall and get a Wetzel's Pretzel. They got those ones with the- (snaps his fingers) with the cheese inside the crust and...
Reagan
Dad, I know retirement is tough, but there's more positive ways to get my attention than "taking down the Deep State."
Rand
(groans)
Reagan
Besides, today, I am finally getting that promotion. Imagine it, me, ruling the office with an iron fist!
Reagan hits the car horn with her fist.
Reagan
I even programmed an iron fist!
She pulls the iron fist she built, which makes a thumbs-up gesture.
Rand
I've seen better.
Reagan
Oh, have you seen better?
The thumbs-up turns to a middle finger, with a red flag coming out the top reading "LIKE A BOSS", two other middle fingers coming out behind it, and tiny confetti accompanied by a harmonica tune. The hands light up in vibrant colors.
Rand
Alright, that's pretty good.
Reagan
Yeah, that is pretty good, huh? (throws the iron fist in the back)
Cut to Reagan and Rand arriving at the Cognito, Inc. headquarters. A PA system welcomes them.
PA
Welcome to Cognito Inc. We are... a company. We are... a company.
A large screen with an old businessman can be seen with the slogan "We're a company" to the right. We later see the screen at the Cognito entrance, in front of which is a secretary. Rand and Reagan enter the premises.
Secretary
Good morning, Dr. Ridley.
Rand throws his bottle of alcohol at the secretary and she glitches, revealing she is actually a virtual hologram. The PA system glitches out as well. Reagan walks up to a retinal scan lock and scans her eye.
Reagan
Look, Dad, as long as you're living with me. We need to set some ground rules.
The retinal scan lock displays the word "HELLO" and the elevator in front of them unlocks. Reagan and Rand enter the elevator. A man with a rifle and bullet-proof military attire is there with them.
Reagan
First, no more vodka for breakfast.
Rand
Oh, come on!
In the background, we can see multiple departments of Cognito, Inc. behind clear glass.
Reagan
You can't tell people that the government isn't real.
The elevator arrives at the basement.
Rand
But it's not!
Orange Monster with Multiple Eyes and Mouths
Dr. Ridley? (Rand shoves him towards the floor.) Ough!
Rand and Reagan walk toward the center of the floor. Five floors of open floor workspace can be seen with many human and non-human employees. Mr. Mothman flies across the screen toward the third floor. An employee is transporting Bigfoot in a glass tube over Rand and Reagan, protected by a yellow self-constructive shield. Unfortunately, Bigfoot breaks out of the glass tube and chokes the employee.
Reagan
You can't talk about shape-shifting reptiles.
A worker is transporting a Lost and Found carriage through the floor. A middle-aged senator comes out the bottom of a black transport tube with the letter "X" on it. He's currently on a phone call.
Lost and Found Worker
Good morning, Senator!
Senator
Revenues and uh- (transforms into a lizard and yelps, then continues phone call)
Cut to Reagan and Rand walking through the hallway from the view of the Weather Department. Gerald from Accounting is unable to get the Rain Maker 47Q5 to shut off its thunderstorm.
Reagan
You can't tell people the weather is controlled by Gerald from Accounting...
A lightning bolt strikes him and the tablet he was controlling the weather with. Cut to the Financial Department, where five men in black hooded robes are sat around a goat, with the pentagram drawn on the table and four lit candles over it.
Reagan
...or that the Dow Jones is controlled by blood sacrifices.
Hooded Robe Man
Shares of JPMorgan Chase, up to 14 points! (slices the goat's head off to a pool of blood) Woo!
Cut to Reagan and Rand walking through laboratory where a fusion reactor is turned on.
Rand
Rules, Rules, Rules. When did this become such a boring place to work?
A worker falls into the fusion reaction and gets sliced in half. His legs are still moving. An alarm starts blaring. Cut to the hallway where we see Steve, an unborn baby in a water container, with three eyes working on his small laptop.
Steve
Morning, Dr. Ridley.
Both Rand and Reagan
(monotonous) Hi, Steve.
Rand
Fucking brown-noser.
Steve gives Rand a mean side-eye look and then continues working.
Reagan
And most importantly, you absolutely cannot tell people that we are replacing the President with a robot, okay?
Cut to Rand and Reagan arriving at Ridley Labs. Reagan points at a dark shadow, and the lights dramatically turn on to reveal ROBOTUS in an authentic presidential office set in faux-daylight.
Rand
Aw, don't be so uptight.
Rand pulls out a vodka from under his robe while Reagan is talking.
Reagan
Uptight?! You almost exposed the Deep State because you wanted a ride to Wetzel's Pretzels! You're lucky I called the snipers off.
Gary points a laser aim at Rand's forehead from off-screen. Rand casually throws the vodka at the wall behind him, and it breaks.
Reagan
Gary, no, no. (laser now points at Reagan's forehead) Ha, ha. Save it for stand-up night, Gary.
The laser disappears. An intern happens to pass by.
Reagan
Shit, I'm late. Hey, intern guy. Take my dad home. If he gives you any trouble, (pulls out a taser from her pocket) don't be afraid to lightly tase him.
The intern is handed the taser and approaches Rand. Rand immediately pushes him back with a backhand slap.
Rand
Do it. I fucking dare you. Do you know who I am?
Rand walks toward a poster of Rand Ridley with J.R. Scheimpough in their younger years.
Rand
I'm Rand Motherfucking Ridley, and I used to run this company.
Cut to Reagan walking towards a spot with bright and dramatic lighting, with a smile and her arms on her hips.
Reagan
And soon, I will be running it. (turns around, to the Intern) Nothing higher than a three!
Rand is being tased and escorted out of the building.
Rand
Ow!
Reagan
Later, Dad!
Rand
Oh! Motherfucker!
S、R .Sue、Linda、wei、Hazel、Alison、Han、S.C.、alice2024、雅雅、Ophelia、Mollie
S、R .Sue、Linda、wei、Hazel、Alison、Han、S.C.、alice2024、雅雅、Ophelia、Mollie
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