Interviewee Name: Amber Sagael
Subject Age: 18 years old
Location: The Hecathian Academy- Observance 1
Timeline: Conducted prior to the Council Meeting of Chapter 5
Interviewer Notes: Parts of this interview have been redacted for the well-being of the interviewer and readership.
Hello Amber, thank you for sitting down with me today. How are you feeling about this interview? Are you ready to share your thoughts and open up today?
"As ready as I'll ever be."
That's about all we can ask for, I suppose. What convinced you to agree to speak with us?
"I suppose it's because it's important to document these types of things. You never know what's going to happen, especially in these circumstances. If you're wanting to learn about us, why not?
Okay then. First question: Where are you from- like where were you born and where did you grow up?
"I was born in Lietasae, Caldesaria, the capital city of Ariya. When we fled, we ended up in the Midwestern United States, and we've been in the area ever since."
How old were you during the attack on Ariya? What do you remember; if anything?
"I just turned six years old. For me, it was a blur. I just remember holding onto my mother, and the fear that I felt. I remember my father passing out from blood loss after we crossed over and the healer who saved his life. What sticks with me is how lost we all were, on the run and trying to hide with no place to go."
Your father is the one who stepped up to lead your people after this tragedy. What was it like for you, watching him take up this responsibility?
Amber shrugs, breaking eye contact. "No one knew what to do, not even him, but since he had served beside the Verairacurs, people were willing to listen to him. It put some pressure on me when I was young, but it didn't matter to me anymore as I grew older. People think too highly of him, and those who don't are too afraid to challenge him after he's built up his power."
So you don't agree with how your father runs the academy?
"Yeah, sure, it looks good from where you might be standing, but the closer you look, the deeper the cracks appear." She returns her piercing gaze to you. "If it were up to me, he would have been gone a long time ago."
Is your disagreement with your father only at the professional level, or does this bleed into your familial life as well?
"We don't have much of a relationship beyond professional anymore," her eyes narrow and spark. "He made sure of that."
If you don't want to talk about that, I understand, but how is your relationship with the rest of your family? Your mother and your siblings?
"I'm not really a member of my family anymore. I used to be close to them. Jacob knows why he's no longer my brother, and Mother and Ria... they were hurt when I left. They didn't understand why, they couldn't see what I saw, and I had to accept that they wouldn't listen anymore to save what relationship we still had."
What is it that you saw that made you decide to leave?
[REDACTED]
Going back to your childhood, do you feel like you've changed a lot since you were a child?
Laughs bitterly. "My childhood is what changed me. I may have not understood everything that was happening, but no one is the same person after seeing what I've seen and knowing what I know. I don't remember who I was before who I am now, but I can tell you she was someone else completely."
What was a dream of yours when you were younger? Is it different than your aspirations now?
"I just wanted to go home," a small, sad smile pulls at Amber's mouth. "Of course, that's not possible. Even if I were to ever go back to Ariya, it would never be the home it once was. I think that wish matured, as my goals now are all to create a new and safe home for our people to rebuild and live their lives without the fear we've been living with for over a decade."
So considering your father along with your goals, why have you stayed where he has influence?
"This is where our people are," she shifts in her seat and leans her elbows on her knees. "I want to be with them- and before you ask why I don't make my own community, first, I am a reckless kid to them. They already don't listen to me, that's part of the problem. The other side of it is even if I was able to convince people to come with me, they have to uproot everything they have again, and we have already lost enough. Their foundation is established here, and it's worth my effort to protect them as best as I can."
What is your biggest accomplishment in your work? Do you have a moment that stands out to you?
"I'd say my biggest accomplishment was my leadership in my last team. I may not have been perfect, but I did my best, and overall it went pretty well. It's not my proudest moment though. What I'm proudest of is also what haunts me. My successful investigations regarding [REDACTED] and the confirmation of [REDACTED] have been both the most rewarding and horrifying realizations."
In that, has there been a time at the Academy that stands out as the worst experience you've had?
Her eyes darken, and she purses her lips. "When my friend was executed after being used as a scapegoat for a string of disappearances and murders- all victims who I knew. I tried to defend him, but after years, they just needed someone to blame, and there was just enough circumstantial evidence and manipulation that it was useless. I had to watch as Jacob killed him, and I was just supposed to accept it." She looks away, blinking rapidly. "I will never just let that go."
I see you're very dedicated to what you do and working toward your goals. What motivates you when things are looking so bleak?
"Despite how pessimistic I am about what life will bring me, I have this hope that there is something better. All of us have known a lot of pain, and most of my generation don't know what stability and home truly feel like. That potential for a better life for not just me, but them, mainly them, that's what motivates me to do what I do."
You tend to work a lot, even in your free time, such as your investigations. What do you do to take a break from your work?
"Sleeping is my break." She answers stoically, almost distantly. "I used to do more outside of work, but I only felt restless and anxious- like I was ignoring things that needed to be done in favor of frivolous gallivanting. I feel better having things be done sooner rather than later, even if that means I don't have time left for myself."
Is there someone who has inspired you? A historical figure or personal hero?
"I suppose that I look up to my friend Cameron's mom, Etesha Roitae. She was raised in the cult of the Yakeillen but stood up for her beliefs, escaped, and became a valued member of the royal court and Ariya's observance system. She was strong enough to stand up against everything she had known because she knew it was wrong and instead provided information on how to work against them. In the end, they still orchestrated the attack on our people, but she stood with us. It was a shock when she was found dead," Amber shook her head, brows furrowed. "One of the last victims of [REDACTED], at least for now."
As you've experienced a lot of loss, and face a lot of difficult questions in your work, I have to ask: Do you believe in forgiveness?
"At the scale I see every day? No. Especially because we've all experienced this loss; none of us escaped losing our homes, family members, and everything we knew. We've all been thrown together by our circumstances, and if you act against someone while knowing where all of us stand with each other..." She trails off before returning her strong stare to you. "Our community is not very large, and I assure you that you'll find that most of us will agree that forgiveness is a concept of the past. None of us will forgive the genocide that was carried out against our people, nor should anyone forgive anyone who is capable of continuing the harm that's been done to us."
You've witnessed a lot of death and held a lot of grief. What is your perspective of death and how often do you think about it?
"Every day," she admits without hesitation. "Life is fragile, and death is inevitable. There's only so much that I can do to protect myself from death for the time being, things I have to do on a daily basis to lower the chances of it being sooner than I hope. Death is a part of life, and nothing can be done to change that. I grieve those who are gone, but after so many, I've grown more and more used to it."
Do you ever struggle with who you are? Do you have insecurities or something that you would change about yourself?
"I can be rash and lash out- not as much anymore, but a large reason I have trouble now is because I wasn't careful enough in the past. I suppose that's the main thing that bothers me about myself that I've been working to change. I'll admit that my temper still gets the better of me sometimes.
What is something that angers you most?
"Injustice; seeing someone get away with harm they've done, or seeing someone innocent be held accountable for something they didn't do. Betrayal is another thing that I just could never let go. I'd rather have my enemy stab me from the front than my supposed ally stab me in the back."
To leave off on a more positive note, how about little things that get on your nerves? Do you have any pet peeves?
Laughs, genuinely this time. "Everyone has pet peeves. I have a few, for one, I don't like people bossing me around all the time, but a dumb one is when things could clearly be aligned perfectly, but they aren't. I just want to reach out and fix it. It's only when it's just a bit off, and I don't know why but that bothers me so much."
Well, I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. Feel free to reach out with any other thoughts that may come to you, or if you have any questions at all. Thank you very much.
"Sure. I'm surprised you even wanted to interview me- considering the risks."
Yes, we plan on reviewing the content to avoid any issues that could come up.
"Of course you do," Amber sighs, her dark eyes flickering. "Screw integrity and telling a story that needs to be told, right?" She scoffs and curls her lip. "You're kidding yourself. Hopefully, you have enough honor to stand up for something that matters right now. Why did you even decide to talk to me in the first place? It's not like anything I have to say here matters to you. I'm just a selling point to whatever you decide to twist this into. We're done here."