As an educator, you may sometimes have gender non-conforming or queer/trans students disclose their identities to you. This act of “coming out” is often important for them because it helps them feel like they are no longer hiding who they are.
Appreciate the student’s trust. E.g. “Thank you for trusting me with this information. Would you like to share more about this?”
Affirm them.
E.g. “I’m proud of you for having the courage to come out.”
“It’s okay to not be sure about your sexuality.” (if they are questioning)
Don’t say “How do you know if you’ve never tried dating…?”, “You sure or not!?”, or “This is just a phase.”
Affirming their identity also means that you treat this identity in a non-judgemental way: don’t say, “I’m sorry that you’re lesbian.” Yes, sometimes the identity has led to problems (e.g., bullying), but the identity itself is not the problem.
Assure the student that you will keep things confidential.
E.g. “Rest assured that I will keep this confidential.”
Do not inform other people (e.g. parents, colleagues etc) about the student who has come out to you (unless you have the student’s consent)
Don’t worry about seeming ignorant; allow the student to educate you.
You may not share the student’s identities or experiences, and thus feel out of your depth. If you are in doubt of what the student is saying, it’s okay to check with the student. E.g. “You used the expression, ‘non-binary.’ Can you please educate me on what that means?”
Listen, listen, listen.
Be an active, empathetic, non-judgmental listener.
Sometimes the student may just want to talk, and you don’t need to do anything except be open, supportive, and affirming.
At other times, the student may be facing problems -- but let them tell you what they need.
Don’t assume that the student needs help, but provide resources, if needed.
If the student asks for specific support, do provide it, or direct them to relevant resources.
If they mention they are experiencing bullying, you can refer to the "Supporting a student who is being bullied" section (below) for more suggestions.
If the resources you are providing are in the form of people, be sure that you don’t out people without their consent. Don’t tell your student, “Oh, have you talked to the other trans student, X, in your year?” or “You really should chat with the science teacher Y,” since this can mean that you are outing X and Y.
If the student is in danger (e.g. harm by themselves or others), let the student know you will need to inform other school authorities (e.g. students' form teacher(s), school counsellors, Year Heads and school leaders) and the student's parents for more support. Even in that situation, try your best to inform school leaders of the danger the student is in without outing the student (unless you have their consent).
Let them know that this dialogue can continue.
Convey to the student that you will continue to be someone they can talk to, and the coming-out—which is often not a single event but a process—does not have to be the sole conversation. E.g. “Please do come talk to me wherever you need to, I’m here for you.”
Next steps: Check in with the student from time to time.
E.g. “How are you doing? Is everything okay?” (Wait for their cues to see if they want to share more)
E.g. Pick up on specific things in the previous conversation to follow up on. “The last time we spoke, you mentioned … How did that go?”
A student may privately tell you that they are being bullied for being gender non-conforming or queer/trans.
Appreciate the student’s trust, and be an active, empathetic, non-judgmental listener.
Let the student know that you will keep things confidential. (see exception below)
Do not make assumptions about what the student is experiencing. Ask the student how they feel, and what they need or want.
Sometimes the student may just want to talk, and you don’t need to do anything except be open, supportive, and affirming.
E.g. "How are you managing this situation?", "Do you have other sources of support?" (affirm their strengths, efforts, sources of support)
E.g. "How can I best support you? What would you like me to do?"
E.g. "Would you like me to speak to the students who are bullying you?" (You can refer to "Dealing with Bullying and Discrimination" section (below) for more suggestions on how to respond to perpetrators)
Direct students to relevant trained support if needed.
Educators should remember that they are not generally equipped to deal with self-harm/suicide-related advice, and should direct students to relevant trained support.
If the student is in danger (e.g. harm by themselves or others), let the student know you will need to inform other school authorities (e.g. students' form teacher(s), school counsellors, Year Heads and school leaders) and the student's parents for more support. Even in that situation, try your best to inform school leaders of the danger the student is in without outing the student (unless you have their consent).
If the student prefers external counselling support, you could suggest some resources.
Next steps: Check in with the student regularly.
E.g. “How are you doing? Are things any better?” (Wait for their cues to see if they want to share more)
E.g. “The last time we spoke, you decided to see the school counsellor… How did that go?”
Don’t make assumptions about any student’s gender, sexuality, or family structure.
E.g. Talk about a student's parent(s) or family, instead of mother and father.
E.g. Talk about a student’s future partner/spouse/romantic relationship (or not at all), instead of boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/"boy-girl relationship".
If you are comfortable doing so, you could establish yourself as a ‘safe person’ for queer/trans students to talk to, if they need.
You may state this directly by telling your students, or you could subtly hint this in your interactions, e.g. wearing a rainbow pin, using a pink dot keychain etc!
Be authentic, approachable, and compassionate to your students.
Model empathy and inclusion in your interactions.
Bullying can include name-calling, slurs, insults, violence, gender policing, microaggressions e.g. threatening to ‘out’ queer/trans students publicly or to unsupportive authority figures, or referring to a negative situation as 'gay' etc. For more examples, you can refer to these lists of "Common Trans and/or non-Binary based Microaggressions" and "Common Sexuality-based Microaggressions". If you witness a microaggression happening in class, you could:
Breathe. Pause. Stay as calm as possible.
Ask for clarification from the perpetrator. E.g. “I want to make sure that I understand what you were saying. Were you saying that…?”
Listen actively and openly to the perpetrator’s response.
If they disagree with your paraphrase and clarify a different meaning, you could end the conversation.
If you suspect they are trying to “cover their tracks,” you may consider making a statement about the initial comment to encourage learning. E.g. “I’m glad to hear I misunderstood you, because, as you know, such comments can be…”
If they agree with your paraphrase, explain why the incident is problematic in a factual manner. If you have established classroom norms, you can return to them.
Support students in critical reflection on the situation.
E.g. “How do you think others might feel when they hear that?" (for younger students)
“What impact do you think that comment could have on …”
“In my experience, that comment can perpetuate negative stereotypes and assumptions about…”
Reestablish the classroom as a safe space for all.
E.g. “Please don’t make that comment in future, because that comment can be hurtful to others."
Remind students of the school’s no-bullying policy and explicitly state that this extends to queer/trans students
However, if the perpetrators are resistant, you may not want to force the issue right away. Be aware of the damaging consequences of forcing the victim to listen to perpetrators continue to make hurtful remarks. (Note: There may be a queer/trans person in the class whom you don't know about).
You could emphasise the principles of non-discrimination and follow up as needed e.g. check in with the victim and perpetrator privately (and individually), if necessary. Identify other possible sources of support, if needed.
You can refer to the "Supporting a student who is being bullied" section (above) for more suggestions.
For serious/continued cases of bullying, you can inform school authorities (e.g. students' form teacher(s), school counsellors, Year Heads, school leaders) for more support, though you should check that this process does not out the victim (if they do not consent).
Avoid disengaging from the conversation by accepting superficial responses or dismissing the topic.
Avoid responding with hostility.
Avoid looking to marginalized students to be experts on issues related to their identity group.
Don't make assumptions about your students; peoples’ identities are both visible and invisible.
Remember students are not obligated to share their own personal experiences with you or the class.
You can invite other perspectives to contribute to the discussion, rather than singling out individuals.
E.g. “Let’s take X minutes to think about this problem from this angle.”
“Let’s think about what [people who think Y way] would say for the next 5 minutes. Write down your answer without your name, and I will go over those anonymously.”
Avoid giving full attention to the perpetrator by asking about a) the intent of the perpetrator, b) what each person said or did c) Who’s right or wrong, while ignoring the target(s) of the microaggression.
Check in with yourself - How ready are you to address the issue with this colleague? You may wish to seek help or advice from other supportive colleagues.
If you are able to, privately ask your colleague for clarification to try to understand where they are coming from.
Help the colleague see that their words/actions have the potential to hurt, perhaps by explaining how it makes others feel.
“I’m concerned that that comment will make queer/trans students feel…”
“In my experience, that comment can perpetuate negative stereotypes and assumptions about…”
If a student has been unfairly penalised (perhaps due to issues related to gender presentation or sexuality), you may wish to seek help or advice from other supportive colleagues who could advocate together on the student’s behalf.
Possible next steps: Ask school leaders to consider providing sensitivity training for all staff, based on professional, evidence-based resources.
Supporting LGBTQIA+ students is already a challenge for educators, and it is more so for trans students who may need additional support. In 2021, Transbefrienders developed the Educators' Guide to Supporting Transgender Students in Singapore to help educators gain a better understanding of the challenges faced by trans students in local schools. The guide lays out some approaches that schools can take to create a safe, conducive learning environment for trans students, enabling them to participate fully in school life and benefit from the same opportunities and protections as their peers.
Before attempting to facilitate a class discussion on LGBTQIA+ issues, consider:
Your own comfort level and readiness.
Your students’ maturity and readiness for mature, respectful conversation.
The overall timing and national climate (e.g. amid/just after a change to a divisive policy).
Ongoing public controversies may seem like opportunities for conversation, but can also harm queer/trans students if:
Students repeat/reinforce harmful stereotypes about LGBTQIA+ people.
Students discuss/debate these policies without realising the direct and personal impact that such policies might have on their classmates.
If 377A or other such policies are brought up organically by students, do emphasise the principles of non-discrimination:
LGBTQIA+ people should not be discriminated against e.g “'Everyone will be protected here' regardless of community and social, religious or sexual 'beliefs': Shanmugam”, Channel NewsAsia, 1 Mar 2021).
People with religious beliefs deserve the freedom to practice their religion without being discriminated against, and without discriminating against others.
The section (above) on "Dealing with Bullying and Discrimination" has suggestions for how to manage microaggressions/discriminatory comments if they come up.
Refrain from commenting on religions and any personal stances they may have on LGBTQIA+ people (in fact, your queer/trans students may themselves be religious and/or struggling with religion, and may have difficulties processing such comments).
If a few individual students want to talk about this, you could suggest discussing it with them one-to-one or as a small group outside of class time.
“Addressing microaggressions in the classroom”, Center for Teaching and Learning, University of Washington
“Make Sure Students Do Not Feel Pressured to Speak for an Entire Group“, Carnegie Mellon University
“Responding to Microaggressions in the Classroom: Taking ACTION”, Faculty Focus
“When A Student Comes Out to You...Today or Any Day!”, GLSEN