A short TRUE story...

Every educator has a few favorite stories about students that have at some point inspired them or changed their perspective on the profession. One of my favorites is about a student we will call Jason Parks. Jason Parks was a spirited and very intelligent young man who often found himself in debates with authority figures. They were the kind of debates with foundations of justice, fairness if you will. One day Jason was pulled aside and scolded for being in violation of dress code. The portion of the code had been announced just days ago when he was not present, therefore he was not aware of the new rules. Jason raged at the gall of someone to make him responsible for something of which he was not aware and railed at the seemingly irrelevant examples offered to him in an attempt to convince him of his wrong. I was approached by administration and told of Jason's whereabouts. When I found him he was sitting in a dark room only mildly lit by the hall lighting that pressed through the glass wall of our conference room. I cautiously put my head into the door requesting entry. To my request he responded, "Dr. Adams, you know you are always welcomed. Come on in."

Jason began to tell me his side of the story all the while outlining brilliant reasoning for his position. Remember...not all smart kids are good students and not all good students would be described as smart kids. Jason is a highly intelligent terrible student because he is a nonconformist and this often does not jive well with the rules and regulations of school, and unfortunately work. This is why I absolutely love Jason. He is a game changer. He is a thermostat instead of a thermometer. Jason sets the tone. He creates atmospheres.

Out of respect for Jason I listened intently to his argument only interjecting for clarity. Finally I took a deep breath and began to share with him my disdain for some of the policies and policy makers I have had to endure in my life, being just transparent enough to also be respectful of my current position in his life and of my colleagues. Kids like Jason appreciate honesty and vulnerability in authority figures. When I was done the peace in the room was nearly palpable, so I asked Jason if we could summarize what I had been sharing with him, and it went something like this....

#1. I will not like every policy I have to follow... And that's OK.

#2. I will not like every person with whom I have to interact, and they may not like me!... And that's OK.

#3. I will not always be understood and appreciated for who I am... And that's OK.

#4. BUT I WILL DO EVERYTHING I MUST DO TO LIVE THE LIFE I DESIRE.

See what happened that morning was magical because it not only brought calm to Jason, it gave me solace as well. We decided to repeat these statements a few times, first me, then the two of us together. The more we made these declarations, the more our shoulders relaxed, the wrinkles in our noses smoothed, and our breathing became freer and freer. Together we decided to call these statements our Agreements for Peace.

I left Jason there and dashed off to find paper and pen to write down our life-changing words, then off to my classroom I went still repeating them. Sitting at my desk I found a small stationary card and envelope. I carefully wrote the agreements in the blank card and took the walk back to Jason so that he could have a reminder of that day and that feeling of resolve. We had accepted some important truths, but determined that none of those things would hold us from living our absolute best lives.

The next week Jason came looking for me. He came to tell me how he had been using the agreements for peace at his new job, how he had shared them with his family who was having some struggles and that his mother was saying them with him every day as she worked toward bettering her health. He was glowing and I felt proud. More than that though, I felt relieved that one of the most brilliant young men I have ever met was on the path to becoming his best self.