Zoom Zoo

Thoughts going through my mind on a zoom call:

*Enters a minute late*

“Oh no, I think I missed something.”

“What’s new on tik tok?”

“How do I actually look on this zoom call right now?”

“I’ll show my forehead because I suppose it can’t do any harm.”

“God, my hair looks so bad right now.”

*touches it for several minutes trying to fix it*

“Am I actually muted?”

“Can you hear me?”

“Ok good, they can’t hear me.”

“Oh no, I missed what she said while I was thinking I was unmuted.”

“Ill text someone and ask what we’re supposed to be doing.”

“I have something to say, but no way I’m going to unmute and say it.”

“GOD PLEASE DON’T OPEN BREAKOUT ROOMS! NO! SHE'S OPENING BREAKOUT ROOMS.”

“Okay, I’m in room 1, let me text my friends to see what rooms they’re in.”

Room opens:

“Oh thank god my friend is in this room.”

“Ah, the classic awkward silence of a breakout room. Should I break the silence? Nah, I’ll let someone else do it, I’m always the one to do it.”

“Okay, it’s been five minutes of silence. Ugh, I guess I’ll lead this assignment.”

“I really don’t want to present what we talked about, but I’m going to have to.”

“Okay good, the rooms are closing”

“SHE’S COLD CALLING?! OH CRAP.”

“I have to use the bathroom, but I don’t want to send her a message and tell her. Mmmmmmm, I’ll hold it in I guess.”

Artwork by Julia Tscherne

1. Don’t.

It’s simple, really. All you have to do is send a quick email to your teacher (bonus points if you don’t include a greeting or sign-off) with a unique yet totally believable excuse. Here are a few options:

• “I’m having very vague, nonspecific technical difficulties that I’m not going to explain further.”

• “I have a doctor’s appointment that my parents suspiciously didn’t tell the main office about.”

• “My WiFi is down! And no, I’m definitely not sending this email using WiFi…”

Alternatively, you can wait until after you’ve already missed your Zoom class to send an email including one of the following:

• “My alarm didn’t go off!”

• “I was in the waiting room for the full hour! You never let me in.”

• “You didn’t notice me?!?! I answered three questions! You must have marked the attendance wrong.”

We can assure you that your teachers have never seen these excuses before and they will update their attendance immediately after receiving your message!

2. Make a five-course meal during class.

This one is especially applicable to classes which require you to keep your camera on. Just walk into your kitchen while your teacher is in the middle of a very important lesson and rummage through your fridge for the perfect ingredients. Keep in mind that your meal must be at least five courses, so we recommend budgeting your time so that you’ll only be spending the first half of your Zoom class cooking. That way, you’ll have enough time to finish eating the meal (on camera, of course) before class is over. The more obnoxious chewing the better!

Important: at no point during the cooking or eating process should you look at your teacher, pay attention to the lesson, or complete your assigned work.

3. Sleep through it.

I mean, who needs an education when you can get an extra hour of sleep??? First, angle your camera so that only your ceiling is visible. You’ll probably be the only one in your class with your camera positioned like this, but don’t feel awkward! Maybe you’ll be a trend-setter. From there, you can doze off in whatever position you find most comfortable. Head on the desk is a classic, although the bravest among us will climb into bed while the Zoom drones on across the room. We hear teachers make fantastic white noise machines these days!

4. Do not, under any circumstances, participate in class.

Uh oh. Your teacher just called your name. What did they ask?? What do you say??? We have the answer: say nothing. This is nothing a fake technical difficulty can’t fix!

Type a quick message in the chat letting your teacher know that your microphone is broken. They definitely won’t remember that it was broken last week… and the week before… and the week before that…

This will create enough confusion that your teacher will forget all about the possibility of you typing your answer into the chat, and they’ll ask another student. Crisis averted!

5. Don’t wear pants.

Look, we’ve all heard the Zoom horror stories. Just last week, in fact, I stood up on Zoom forgetting that I had opted for the pantless look at the start of the meeting. You can imagine my surprise when I heard my teacher call my name and I looked down to see a Zoom full of my peers with faces of pure shock.

Embarrassing, right? Perhaps, but arguably worth it. At what other point in our lives will we have the opportunity to attend school in our most comfortable state? When else will it be socially acceptable to escape the confines of an unforgiving pair of jeans or a tightly buttoned pair of corduroys? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to prioritize comfort, and it’s one that you simply can’t pass up!

As long as you stay seated, what could go wrong?

With these tips in mind, we hope that you can make your online learning experience as painless as possible. Good luck!

Artwork by Frances Del Rosario

● Step 1: Roll your eyes in annoyance as your teacher says “Okay I’m going to put you all in breakout rooms…”

○ Definitely leave your camera on when doing so.

● Step 2: Cry as that “Joining Breakout Room” message pops up on your screen

● Step 3: Contemplate life as an hour passes by and you still haven’t joined it.

● Step 4: Wipe your hands down on your pants as you realize that you’re sweating… why are you sweating?

○ The breakout room loads.

● Step 5: Sit in silence as you look at the one other black screen in front of you (isn’t it weird you never knew this person’s last name until now?)

● Step 6: Wonder if they’ll actually say anything before you do and if not? Scream and complain.

● Step 7: Realize you accidentally unmuted and your teacher comes in (Woohoo perfect timing!)

○ Your breakout room partner turns on their camera in hopes of the teacher not saying anything afterwards- oh they say something all right.

● Step 8: Panic. Make up some horrid excuse like “we were just practicing that one scene in the play!”

○ You idiot, you’re in science class

● Step 9: Leave. Just leave the entire zoom please

● Step 10: Your teacher marks you absent, write a 12 page long email about everything that happened

● Step 11: No need to face the wrath of breakout rooms if you never join the zoom, right?

● Step 12: Always follow these directions and breakout rooms will be a breeze!!

Artwork by Katie Whalen

Ever since the coronavirus pandemic has taken over, life has just been great. Stores have been closed, human interaction has been absent, life has been put on hold and best of all, schools have been shut down and changed to remote. Days have started to repeat one another which has been great for me because I love routine in my life. It goes something like this... I wake up, approximately 5 minutes after my first class starts. I open my computer to log onto my class, only to find out I didn’t plug it in the night before. As I’m waiting for it to charge I go play with my dog, make some breakfast, watch tik toks and then log into class 15 minutes late. Doing school from home helps me focus so much more. There are no distractions at all. When lunch comes around my head usually feels fine, not causing me to take any medicine. I usually make a really good lunch, watch netflix while eating it, and make sure to not lose track of time so i'm never late to my next class. I always save painting my nails, trying new foods, taking baths and online shopping until after I complete all of my school work so I'm completely focused in all of my classes. Once I get released from my last class, aka “bye guys have a lovely rest of your day”, I get right to doing all my school and homework because it’s never right to wait until 11:30pm to submit all of my work. I then have a lot of motivation after a very inspiring and engaging day of school to make sure to clean my room, go for a walk to get some fresh air, help make dinner, eat dinner, clean up dinner, without breaking any glasses, take, definitely not, my third shower of the day and go to sleep at a very reasonable time. Now put this on repeat for 4 months and try your best to not be jealous.

Artwork by Cecilia Weiss

I’ve been watching my human for days now as she added papers to the growing stack that rested on the corner of her desk. I’m almost positive if anything more was to be added, it would fall and kill me. Not that it’s a big deal. I still have six lives left anyways.

My human seems stressed. She spends hours upon hours staring at the glowing screen listening to some random person talk on the other end. Why is she so focused on this stranger? Sometimes she’ll even take notes. I’ve tried to hop up onto the desk to get a better look at all the commotion but whenever I finally make it, she pushes me back to the ground.

Some days she’ll even lock me out of her room to do whatever she does on that machine. I don’t even know what it’s called, yet everyone in my house seems to have one. They give more attention to it than me! I wish I fully understood their language, all I really know is ‘No’, ‘Yes’, ‘Food’ and ‘Sit’.

There has definitely been a big change. I remember times only moments ago when my tallest human would pat my head and leave for the day with a big brown square in his hand. I’ve tried to see what’s inside it but whenever I get close he pulls me away. My favorite human used to go out often, leaving me lonely with my other human for long periods of time. Not that I’m complaining, she is nice to me and gives me as much food as I want.

What happened so suddenly to make everyone stay inside?

I am still watching my human. This time from her shelf. She doesn’t seem to notice me, still absorbed in the glowing light of the screen. I can see who is on it from here. An older man with something covering the bottom half of his face. Why is he wearing that? Why isn’t my human wearing that? Do I need to be wearing that? I forget about those thoughts almost instantly as I hop down and out of the room where my human seems to be working on a sheet of paper.

I hope whatever is going on with my humans gets better sooner or later.

Artwork by Daphne Bon

Once upon a time,

When kids whine,

Locked inside their home,

Wishing to go out and roam,

We are stuck keeping our attention to the screen.

Teachers start the zoom,

Kids wait in the waiting room,

So happy and cheerful are teachers,

Kids feeling like they are listening to preachers.

Teachers wake up and need caffeine,

To speak to tiny back boxes on a screen.

Children follow a morning routine,

To stare at a computer waiting for another to intervene.

Teachers long for communication,

Students long for education.

Is it making us smarter,

Or is it just harder?

Artwork by Izzy Multari

Zoom, a sea of blank boxes. People we have not seen for months, even a year. We have all changed so much. But no one can tell. Our friends stay hidden behind curtains. All that is recognizable of them is the white bright letter displaying their names.

Last I saw of Jimmy he was five foot four. Now I hear his music career has taken off, he's going on a world tour. I last saw Tom when Coach put him on the bench, now he's sat in his room so long he’s giving off a stench.

I can’t even remember the last time I talked to Susan, now she's so old and slow she might as well be a librarian.

In this last year I would like to say I have learned a lot. That is a lie. My level of focus on zoom has been less than zero. A generation of Doctors who should’ve failed med school, a generation of architects that will cause total destruction. These are some effects of the lost year around the world.

Artwork by Julia Tscherne

Zoom Zoo activity: The steps on what to do if your teacher leaves the zoom and you become host.

Step 1- Panic!!! Start worrying and run around your house wondering what the heck to do!

-Around 7 laps around the house.

Step 2- After you have ran around the house a couple of times get some water and a snack.

- Get chips or something healthy like vegetables

Step 3- After your 20 minute snack and drink break come up with an alternative lesson plan.

- Possibly a quiz, test, movie, or worksheet.

Step 4- After you finish coming up with a lesson plan, unmute your mic and say hello to everyone.

- No one will usually respond so you should threaten them with lowering their grade. Step 5- Once they are paying attention do attendance.

- If there are people missing, mark them present because you're a nice person. Step 6- Start off with a do now of a quiz on who you are as a disney character. - The best Disney character, well princess, is tiana.

Step 7- After the quiz, put on a movie on the greatest showmen. - Tell the students to get a snack and something to drink. Then they can turn off their camera.

Step 8- If the teacher tries to join the zoom. DON’T LET THEM !!! - Once the movie finishes let everyone go and not schedule any classes for the rest of the week!!!!

Artwork by Caitlyn Agro

The host will admit you soon.

Sitting still, staring at a screen

Listening to a teacher clicking keys

The host has asked you to turn your camera on.

Camera on, the ceiling fan and my forehead shows

Easily distracted especially by my phone

The host has asked you to unmute yourself.

Headaches and sore eyes

Staying up until late at night

400 messages. 20 notifications. 32 overdue assignments.

Lacking motivation

Always procrastinating

Due at 11:59 PM

Pretending to understand

Pressured to succeed

This meeting was ended by the host.

Artwork by Gari mor

Wake up: On a normal day, I will usually wake up at around 7:10-7:25 for a 7:30 zoom. After about 5 minutes of staring at the ceiling questioning if one absence would be so bad, I finally get up and brush my teeth. With amazing energy I then grab my phone, take out my computer, and go to schoology, it is practically muscle memory at this point. After all this it is about 7:30 so I log onto my first zoom of the day.

Periods 1-5: On an E day we have 9 periods including lunch. E days are my favorite because I get to go to every single class, I love having more zooms! First period is English, I don’t really mind it very much but don’t necessarily enjoy it. Second period is studio art which is the best because the teacher makes everyone show their full faces! It makes me feel very connected to my peers as if we are right next to each other! Third period is Spanish class, there’s nothing like a loud teacher speaking a different language that I barely understand, at 9 in the morning. It really wakes me up and get’s me going. Fourth period is engineering class. I love this class because the level of difficulty is so low, the laptops the school provided us make it so easy to 3d model shapes, I have literally never seen before. Not to mention, the teacher making the directions of every assignment clear as day. It is now fifth period and time for lunch, a much needed break. Usually I will get an early start on the 3 hours of homework I have (just for the morning classes). I end up forgetting that this is my off period and do work the whole time, cutting my time for homework to about 2 hours and 55 minutes.

Periods 6-9: Sixth period I have earth science, the least boring class of all. Believe it or not, we do a whole new lab every single day! And get this... we get to do our own graph for every single lab!! It never gets old. Seventh period is gym class which as an online student, I participate in it by doing a google form! This is a really smart way to check up on online students because doing every single workout and google form really indulges me in the full gym class experience. Eighth period, I have global history, which is a really fun class. Everyday I look forward to what topic the google doc assignment will be on that day! You know what they say... save the best for last. Ninth period is algebra, which is easily my favorite class of them all. As soon as we join the zoom, we are immediately greeted with an ear piercing, “Hi, zoomers! Give a wave!” But the main reason I love this class so much is the way it is taught. There really is nothing better than watching the teacher fill out notes for the duration of the class. It’s amazing how much information I am able to take in just from one period of watching the teacher zip through notes! By the time of the 9 page test, I feel super prepared and confident in my abilities.

After school activities/homework: The second I log off my last zoom for the day, I get right to work on my now 7 hours worth of homework. Mainly persisting of algebra delta maths, desmos, take home tests, practice tests, note summaries and more. Fast forward 9 hours later, I finally get my homework done, with an extra 2 hours of procrastination to keep me mentally stable. By this time, I have about 15 minutes to myself to do whatever I want. The sun isn’t out at 11 o’clock so I’m limited to just watching YouTube videos or playing video games. After my free time, I get in bed at about 11:45, usually falling asleep an hour later. I wake up and repeat the same routine all over again... I love online school. ;)

Artwork by Daphne Bon

The Guide to Answering Your Parents’ Nightly Inquiries

***IF AT ANY POINT YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT OR EVACUATE THE DINNER TABLE, DO SO!***

1. How was school today? Give a very vaguely positive answer.

1. “It was good.”

2. “It was fine.”

3. “It was okay.”

2. Did you learn anything? Tell them something that you learned “today”.

1. How PEMDAS works

2. That Spain is in Europe

3. That protons are in the nucleus

3. Did you do any fun activities? Familiarize them with the hardships of online learning, especially how hard it is to create fun activities. Steer clear of expressing that online learning is not the reason you don’t find activities in class fun. Optional: (do this to curry favor with your parents, it may help them to forget that you’re currently grounded...) sympathize with the teacher, saying you feel sorry for them because of how hard their job must be during these times.

4. Did you at least have fun with your friends? Remind them that your friends are mere black boxes on a screen, and not actual people. (Do not reveal to them that you did indeed have fun with your friends, as you were talking to them in a separate call instead of listening to the teacher.)

5. Did you have any tests today? Answer that you had a quiz, and casually mention that you were studying for it last night (when, in fact, you were binge watching Netflix).

6. How was your quiz? Blame technology by explaining to them that you knew the material (after all that hard studying), but you may have gotten a bad grade because it was a timed quiz and the internet connection was bad. (Refrain from telling them that you played a game on your computer for most of class, and then, after panicking when you saw you only had 10 minutes left, you rushed through the quiz, only managing to answer half the questions.)

7. Why did we get an email from a teacher saying you aren’t participating in class? Blame technology (again).

1. “My microphone wasn’t working.”

2. “I couldn’t hear what they were asking.”

3. “I couldn’t access the worksheet.”

8. It seems like you’re having a lot of tech problems, why don’t I ask someone to fix them? Hastily assure them that you are going to do just that tomorrow, and that there is absolutely no need to worry about it.

9. Do you have any homework? Inform them that you have no homework so that you can proceed to do whatever you want, before suddenly remembering (around midnight) that you have an essay and a project due the next day.

10. How did you forget that you had an essay and a project due? Blame the teacher and/or technology.

1. “It wasn’t posted until now, so when I checked for what I had due, I didn’t see it.”

2. “I got kicked out of the zoom before the teacher told us, so I just found out when my friend texted me (asking if I would proof read theirs).”

Artwork by Ann Kelly

For the parents and school administrators advocating for schools to be open five days a week ‘as normal’:

Tomorrow, host a gathering in your home, for 30 children, for 7 hours. Is that too long? What about 3? Still, no? Okay, I’ll settle for one. Put on a movie for them, let them play board games, give them some snacks, because kids simply will not survive without socialization. Wait, you don’t feel safe having 30 kids in your living space? Because of COVID? Oh, that’s fine, just deliver a little speech about the importance of wearing masks and social distancing (though it might be a little hard for some kids to hear, especially when you’re wearing a mask of your own). What’s that, your space is too small to keep 30 kids 6 feet apart? I’m sure your house has more square footage than a classroom, but if it’s that concerning, you can always just sit the kids in little plexiglass boxes and move them 3 feet closer together. For the entire duration of your gathering you’ll have to supervise, get any supplies your guests need, make sure they are interacting with each other, and of course regulate bathroom use. Also, you can’t leave. Once that hour is up those 30 kids will leave and go to the house next door. Phew, right? You’ll finally have a break. Wrong. In the next five minutes another stream of 30 kids from down the block will barge into your home. In fact, they will keep switching every hour, until you’ve seen 150 different kids, by the end of the day. This sounds like a lot doesn’t it? You’ll have so much work to do. And I’m sure you’re worried that one of those 150 kids in your home just might be carrying the virus. But, look on the bright side, it’s just for one day. It’s not like you’ll have to host this gathering 5 days a week for 10 months. Oh, but you do!

So what do you think? Will you open your doors? No!? If you aren’t willing to host a gathering for 150 kids in your home, why do you think it’s safe or reasonable for students to do the same in school?

Artwork by Frances Del Rosario

I just logged into class and was horrified by the news that we will be going into breakout rooms today! I scroll through TikTok for a little bit while the teacher reads the assignment because I’ll just ask my classmates later. The teacher then assigns me to room two and I quickly text all of my friends to see what room they are in because God forbid I have to talk to my other classmates. All of my friends are in room three, so I cry a little and turn the volume down on my mic before I enter the room. As I enter the room I immediately turn off my camera and mute my mic. We sit there for a little while I gather the courage to type into the chat asking “what’s the assignment”? One of my classmates turns on their mic (but not their camera) to say “I don’t know”. At this point, I am starting to get a little nervous about how I am supposed to share my ideas in front of the class, so I double-check to make sure my mic volume is all the way down. After about another minute I text my friends asking what the assignment is. They FaceTime me and we talk about our favorite Netflix show for about 5 minutes until the teacher comes into the breakout room. I quickly hang up with my friends forgetting to talk about what the assignment is and panic. The teacher asks us to turn our cameras on so I make sure mine only shows the top of my forehead because I don’t want the teacher to see the rest of my face. The teacher asks how we are doing on the assignment and we and say “Good.” The teacher says bye and tells us that the class will be rejoining in a few minutes so wrap up our conversations. I turn off my camera and frantically type into the chat once again what we are supposed to be doing. Then I realized that the teacher was still in the breakout room and probably saw my chat so I immediately leave the meeting and text one of my friends to tell the teacher that I have Wi-Fi issues. I watch some more Tiktoks for another ten minutes hoping that we will be done sharing our ideas with the class by then. I rejoin the zoom and chat the teacher saying “srry my wifi wasnt working." They completely ignore my chat and successfully dodged having to do work and speak in front of the class.

Artwork by Katie Whalen

The time has just hit 7:30 and students at Nyack High School are so eager to join their first zoom that they have been dressed and ready for, for the last hour. Clearly we are all so familiar with doing school as a little box so there is no need for my help, but I am here to give you some tips on “Zoom School” to make this experience much more extravagant than it already is!

5 tips to be a good Zoomer

Tip 1 : How will you be attending school?

To start your morning off right, we need to be wearing clothes that make us feel good. The best idea is to show up as a ceiling or a forehead and not your favorite pair of jeans and a shirt. You can wear any type of outfit though, maybe the “broken camera” or the pre recorded video as your virtual background. My personal favorite is called the Black Box. The one thing you must NEVER do is show your whole face.

Tip 2 : How will you be social?

The best part about my zoom school are breakout rooms. I love going into a room with another person who I don’t know. When put into a breakout room, DO NOT turn your camera on, keep it off. It's better for them to not see your face. Also, since we are already getting to socialize with our peers so much on zoom, don't even bother talking. Instead, type into the chat, “I shared the doc with you”. DO NOT interact with your teachers, instead interact with the emojis and give them a thumbs up. Our teachers' days become so much better when we tell them our mic isn't working. It's a great strategy to get out of answering a question, they definitely have no clue.

Tip 3 : How to go to your next class

Now normally in your typical high school, we go from one class to the next by walking there. This year, our cursor is walking there. Take this time to use the bathroom and prepare for your next draining class. Walk a total of ten steps to get some water or grab a snack. Now, sit back down and click the zoom button and get ready for another fifty six minutes of a teacher talking.

Tip 4 : Lets have fun at lunch

Yay, you’re half way through the day!! Today's lunch will be a whole lot of not seeing your friends. Lunch is a great time to get to talk to your friends and relax, but this year it consists of watching Netflix, eating and squeezing in the classwork you didn't get to finish last period. Personally, I love eating lunch at home. Who wouldn't want to stay at home alone?

Tip 5 : Taking a quiz

Uh oh, lunch is over and now is the next period. You have a quiz coming up and you haven't prepared. Don't worry, the teachers can't tell you have your notes right next to you. Twenty five questions later and you've finished in fifteen minutes. We can’t make the teacher suspicious so just pretend to be answering the questions you’ve already finished. I think test taking at home is genius, I mean why wouldn't we want to take the easy way out instead of learning and studying the material?!! Wait till next year, virtual students are going to do great taking a test in person!

Now that we have had a great day of school, it's time to finish the classwork our teachers didn't give us enough time to do plus, we can do the seven hours of homework they have assigned us. 11:59 is right around the corner, don't get your work done now, procrastinate and wait until later so that you can cry and complain about it! Now you can get a total of six hours of sleep. Isn't online learning so good!

Artwork by Violet McGilvray

A drop of sweat drips from your forehead into your eye. It stings as you pull your sleeve to wipe it away. Your hands start to fidget and you can't stop tapping your foot. Your teacher just said that you will be put into a breakout room! You grab your phone and text all your friends to find out that they are just as freaked out. One friend left the zoom entirely just to avoid this moment. “Computer problems” she says. You start counting the people in the class and calculate the percentage of being with someone you're friendly with. It is a 20 percent chance. You're DOOMED!! Now that logic is out of the equation all you have is luck. You cross your fingers so tight the bones might actually bend. “I need more than luck” you think to yourself. You fall to your knees, clasp your hands together, and pray to God and anything else to give you mercy! Your fight or flight instinct comes into play. It's there. It’s right there! The giant red button in the bottom right side of the screen. “Just leave” you tell yourself. Tell them it was wifi problems. They can't get mad at you for that. The next thing you know your computer's loading as it reads “Breakout 1.” There’s no going back. It’s too late.

Complete silence. You stare at the black box adjacent to yours. “So… what’s up?” you ask. What’s up? Seriously? What’s up! I didn't think you could have made it any more awkward but you never fail to prove me wrong. Today, at this very moment, is when you decide to throw all your social skills out the window. No answer. “So. Umm. I guess we should start the project.” No answer. “Am I glitchy or something? Can you hear me?” No answer. It is probably because you asked “what's up” you moron! “Are you okay? Just making sure you’re not dead.” Stop talking, just stop stalking.

You’ve resorted to the chat button. “I can do the first five questions and you could do the others” you type. No answer. You think to yourself “Doing the project all by myself would probably be less torture than this.” So that's what you start to do.

Suddenly a third little black box appears. It’s the teacher! Your eyes widen and your hand is already pressing the camera button before your brain gets a chance to tell it to. In a matter of milliseconds both your and your partner’s cameras are on. Oh look, your partner is alive! Good thing you didn't call 911 just yet.

The teacher asks how the project is going. Or course your partner says nothing. So you reply with a simple “it’s going well.” Although it’s far from that. The teacher leaves and you continue to work on the project alone.

Artwork by Cecilia Weiss

Has that tree really been that big? I’m not sure. School! Ehhh, it can wait. This is far more important. All the other trees just look so small in compa- my phone buzzes. I have to check it. It’s some notification from this app I haven’t used in ages. What if it's important? Well it’s definitely more important than the tree. With miraculous speed I open my phone and click on the notification. It’s not important. Now what? What class am I even in? Doesn’t matter. But you know what does matter? Instagram! Thirty seconds can’t hurt. Afterwards I’ll chuck my phone through the air exactly onto my pillow across the room where it will bounce off, smash into the wall, and I will finally focus on my class. A minute later and I’m still on Instagram. “Freddie!?”. Aw shoot. Class. Why is my camera on?! Act frozen. Act frozen. The teacher will think you lagged out. Why are my curtains open? And, it’s windy. The teacher will see the darn tree moving! Who’s idea was it to plant that thing behind my window? Plan B: unmute and mouth words. She’ll think I’m having mic issues. Everyone has mic issues. Wait! Why did I decide to blast music from my speaker all the way across the room? Noooo! The teacher will hear it when I unmute. “Freddie?!” Would this woman just give me some time! I got it. I’ll just leave the meeting and it will seem like I got kicked. Genius! My hand hovers over the “Leave Meeting” button. 3… 2… -”Freddie!? Are you here? I’m doing attendance." “Yep, sorry. I’m here."

THUD*** thud** thud** thud** Every morning I am forced to hear the boy's awful alarm. He lets it resonate through the house for about 15 minutes before the older guy comes and yells at him for oversleeping again. They both storm downstairs and right by me without even a pet. The boy grabs whatever food is in front of him before munching it down with unreal speed. I foolishly think I might be lucky enough to guilt him into giving me a bite of grub but the older guy shoos me out of the kitchen as always. Being a dog has a better reputation than it should, especially lately because of online learning. All of my family is home, but they can't even throw me a toy because they're busy tabbing between YouTube and little talking black squares for hours. It's like having friends outside your house but you're quarantined. The boy calls me over and finally pets me, he abruptly stops when he hears his name through the computer, and responds with "Can you repeat that?” Oblivious of what the teacher asked. I lie back down and get excited when I hear more footsteps coming down the stairs. It's probably mom. I love my mom. She always pets me and walks me. She's great. I love her. I'm pulled out of my brief happiness when I hear the older guy shout from the kitchen about a missing assignment and a low GPA as the boy just groans and squeezes his eyes closed. As usual, I know that I'm not going to get any attention for the next 6 or so hours so I stretch out on the sunbathed carpet, and nap. I had a great dream. I first caught the scent of some steak and trotted onto the lawn and then laid down while the family fed me assorted meats, they were about to bring out the prime rib when I was jerked awake by the boy slamming his computer closed. I lazily thought about whining to the boy to take me for a walk but I heard him grumble about three hours of homework and decided to just give up. I wish this boring cycle of house lockdown would just end. What a drag.