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TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of heavy drug use, smoking, suicide, transphobia, and other triggering topics. If this is something that upsets you, please do not read.
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Section 41
“Do you really think change is possible?” As I spoke, Jay held my hands while the others patched up my wounds properly. Some of the wounds still bled, some would leave permanent scars but I was proud to have them because it showed that I risked my life for my family, my friends and my kids. These wounds were from the most recent fight with the Shadow Overlord. Given that I had fallen from a huge height, I was in a ton of pain. The others knew this, so they helped with tasks around the suite. It didn’t help that I had given birth a day before the fight so my body was already weak to begin with. I took many risks that day doing what I did.
“Honey… I don’t think that, I know that. With you and a fear of change, it may take longer than others to change and sometimes that’s okay. Change doesn’t need to happen instantly. It takes time gradually. It also matters who you surround yourself with too. And… I’m glad you’re surrounded with us. Because we love you a lot. And just because you’re working on change and managing things well doesn’t mean you still won’t have panic attacks or the memories. People who change still have the things they have, and for you, that won’t remove your PTSD.” As Jay spoke, he pulled me into his lap so I straddled his lap. The two of us kissed while the others surrounded me protectively.
Change was hard for someone like me due to a variety of reasons. The abuse I lived, the things I experienced, all of it was real. When people told me it wasn’t real, it made me feel very invalidated given I stayed up late nights having panic attacks just from the memories. Of course, I would still have said panic attacks but I couldn’t let the smallest things trigger it or let it control who I am. Of course, I knew I would still be very self-centered and selfish, that was just who I am, and that’s perfectly fine. Some losers had the audacity to claim I have NPD but I don’t. I know I’m no better than anyone else, I just have self-centered tendencies at times. I also acknowledged many times behind-the-scenes that I’m aware I have a bit of a god complex at times but that doesn’t mean I’m in any way shape or form having a disorder.
Section 42
Null and I stood in the kitchen, baking cookies as usual. More tamer stuff compared to the past few days. We knew the Shadow Overlord was still out there somewhere, none of us just knew where he was exactly. We knew he would show up eventually, but for now… we were focused on the calm. And Valentine's Day. Null and I just spent an evening making cookies together, heart-shaped ones.
As the kids chowed down on them, everyone laughed a bit, and of course, we had to make more. However I didn’t mind at all making more since it was fun just spending time with my partners and my family. Because, really, family is what you make of it. Whether it’s your own blood or not. These are my people, my friends, my family, the ones I chose to surround myself with. All I needed was this, that was all.
Looking out the window while handing over the second plate of cookies on the living room coffee table, it began snowing heavily, but not too heavily. Just enough to where it made the sky look gorgeous. I used to hate the snow, but seeing how gorgeous it is, it reminded me of the family I started. The ones I cherish. The ones I love the most. My partners, all nine of them.
Section 43
“HEY! SLOW DOWN WOULD YA?” Venom screeched from across the racetrack. The ten of us decided to take our Mario Kart skills to the actual big fields and do some go karting. Venom was being competitive as usual, raging like he always did.
“Maybe if you weren’t raging, you’d be doing better, Venny, now, huh?” Dex glared at venom while driving by him in a whirlwind. Venom, glaring back, flipped him off and sped after him. Jay and I stood close by, Darrius just behind us watching our every move.
“You two cuties doin’ okay?” He asked as he caught up to us, slowly trailing behind so as to not bump into us. “Worried because you two are far behind. This isn’t like the two of you.”
“Yeah. We’re just lettin’ the others go ahead, they deserve it more. Plus you may think we’re far behind, we’re literally five laps ahead of everyone.” As Jay spoke, Darrius gasped while smirking.
“Oh you two are cheeky… Of course you two are. Go have fun you two divas! But just know, I’ll be making you more outfits laterrrr.~” Darrius sped ahead after responding, doing the gay hand thing as he sped off after turning around.
“...Yeah he’s secretly gay, I know it.” As I spoke, Jay giggled while Reed and Kai both spun in circles behind us while blasting the Coconut Mall theme, debating who was faster. “...And why are those two being literal goofs?”
“...I mean, on brand. We’re the Chaos Polycule. Of course they’re being chaotic.” When Jay finished speaking, he slowly reached out to hold my hand. Grabbing his hand, the two of us locked fingers together while smiling like dorks.
Section 44
Oliver, Darrius, Dex and I all cuddled up on the sofa together watching some old-school crime show. Dex changed the channel to a documentary about sea urchins. Darrius swiftly changed it back, and the two flipped between channels, trying to see who would get dibs on what channel.
“Okay, seriously… calm down please… I just wanna cuddle you guys, I didn’t ask for debates on what to watch. Just pick something and go with it. Error is sensitive.” As Oliver spoke, he held my hand, knowing I don’t like fights or loud noises at all.
“Yeah, we have a baby here…” As I spoke, Dex looked at me.
“The twin infants aren’t here, what baby do you mean…?” Dex, looking confused, then looked to Darrius, who shrugged and passed the remote to Oliver, who put on a documentary about pandas, his favorite animal.
“...Me, dumbass. I’m sensitive…” Laying my head in Oliver’s chest as Oliver laid his head into Darrius’ chest, Dex then laid into me and the four of us just went back to cuddling like nothing ever happened.
“I swear, you guys are pathetic sometimes, seriously…” Oliver, who just sighed, ran his fingers through my hair gently, massaging my scalp a bit.
“...You guys remember those POV videos from 2020 and 2021 when they’d put those images on screen of different bathrooms with those fancy aesthetics?” When I finished speaking, Oliver nodded while Darrius and Dex both shook their heads no. “Huh. How about weirdcore? Or 2020 alt? Or even liminal spaces and the backrooms?”
“Hun, we only remember the last ones because you’re obsessed with them. Though… 2020 alt is peak fashion, I will say that. Whoever made it is on another level.” As Darrius spoke, he dug into a bag of candy, eating some. “Though, I wanna recreate your 2020 alt look at some point on you.”
“Sounds fun… I’m down, sure.”
Section 45
“You guys thinking what I’m thinking?” Jay’s loud voice boomed through the darkness. As everyone looked at what was in front of us - the concert hall of Metropolis City, the place that Jay and I sang “Your Idol” in, where we hadn’t been in ages since the polycule became complete - Jay picked up a microphone. “I say we have another performance, eh? This time, I think we do something original. Something uniquely… us. The whole polycule. Something as an idol group, all of us together.”
“Hm… How about we all hop into the studio and craft up something and then come back for a bit of a city tour here?” After Darrius spoke, he dragged all of us to the studio, where we spent an entire day cooking up a storm, recording our lines, singing our souls out. We were all ready for it, the big song. Perfected our song, our moves, our routine, everything.
…And then we released it.
Then we performed it live.
And we gave the fans what they wanted - an idol group worthy of being looked up to.
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