October 26, 2024

A Second Chance: A Decade of Gratitude and Growth

Cardiovascular disease, the silent killer claiming around 18 million lives annually, nearly took mine ten years ago today, October 26th, 2014. While running near the beach, an ordinary day, my heart stopped, and I collapsed, dead - lifeless.

Two guardian angels, armed with CPR and a Philips AED, defied the odds and brought me back from the brink. It’s a surreal experience to recount, one that sends chills down my spine even now.

I’ve often pondered the reason for my second chance. Perhaps it was fate, perhaps it was simply luck. But one thing is certain: I am eternally grateful for the gift of life.

The past decade has been a journey of profound transformation. I’ve learned that while we cannot control external events, we can absolutely control our minds and actions. This realization has been the cornerstone of my recovery and growth.

Many speak of transformation, but the truth is, it’s an ongoing process. There’s no finish line. We must constantly question, reflect, and evolve.

As I continue to push my limits, running ultra-marathons in the world’s harshest environments, I never lose sight of the importance of self-care and well-being. It's the foundation upon which everything else is built.

Let us all embrace gratitude, prioritize our health, and live each day to the fullest.

Zeno, founder of stoicism said it best;

Well-being is realized by small steps. But is truly no small thing.

In closing, I’m incredibly grateful for the individuals who’ve helped, guided, and supported me throughout this journey. Your unwavering belief in me has been a source of immense strength, and I am truly thankful.

Kirstin Reinink Alan Nance Sean Carney Frans van Houten Hans Koolen Ryan Landon Stefan Spanjer Richard Mead Nikki Sipkens Tom van Gils Dennis Mulder Neal Clarke Danny Yates Rory Coleman Istvan Cornelissen Wiemer Kuik Kelly Ducourty Robert Metzke Lloyd Simon

October 25, 2017

Date October 25th, 2017

Legacy is seen as a technology problem rather than a business concern. 

But the numbers tell another story. Typically, 60-80% of an IT budget is spent on Operations and maintenance, leaving virtually nothing to invest in the New Digital world we find ourselves in.

The ‘’Problem Opportunity’’ is in ‘’Legacy and Data’’

In a recent interview with the Barclays CEO UK, Ashok Vaswani, he talks about the 2 lessons he learnt during their Digital Transformation:

1. The secret sauce in a Digital transformation program is to ‘’move the mind-set’’ of the organisation

2. You can’t pursue a digital transformation without having a ‘’Data program’’ run alongside the Transformation; without the Data, the ability to deliver digitally, just doesn’t happen

 Facts: In 2016, the US government accountability office found that 5,233 of the governments almost 7,000 IT projects were spending all their funds on operations and maintenance, in other words 70-80% of a Enterprises IT budget, is spent on keeping the lights on.

 Facts – August 2016, Delta Air lines had to cancel 2,300 flights, forcing the company to cut its profit guidance for the 3rd qtr. The issue, its back-up systems failed to kick in during disruption to the power supply at it's Atlanta technology centre, and once the power was restored, their back-end system reservation system could not connect properly with the check in and boarding system for several hours

John Cryan Chief executive from Deutsche Bank, described the banks IT systems as a total mess, and would replace the technology.

So unless the legacy and data problem has been brought up to the business, in particular the CFO, the older legacy systems will be seen as an IT problem rather than a wider business concern. Legacy systems are an reflection of the clients past and present; they mirror both the complexity of the world they were developed for and that they currently operate in. If you peel away a systems layers you will see code and data flows that reflect rules governing the business, some long forgotten, and as the business changes, new code is layered over existing code. 

 Usually there are 4 reasons why legacy systems become an issue;

1. Separate approaches by BU’s or departments, creates a system that different bits do not fit together. Therefore, building multiple connections between the systems for wider integration

2. M&A, can lead to multiple duplicated systems such as customer / client files, accounting, regulatory and so on, adding to the fact that each company practices and methodologies are different, which also adds complexities

3. In an ideal world, systems would be continuously refreshed but this isn’t the case. Rarely an appetite to carry out work that is seen by the Enterprises execs as not adding value or creating value. Resulting in an interwoven patchwork quilt that becomes operationally unstable, cannot create new services or revenue streams and is unresponsive to regulation changes and cyber attacks 

4. Technology itself, the result of different departmental approaches, M&A, and inadequate IT strategy and governance leads to an assortment of diverse mainframes, servers, databases. 

The Problem, numbers and the Bottom line;

As an example, European Banks on average saw their cost/income ratio (a profitability ratio) hover around 76% - 70% between 2011-2016, and although they see 2020 as their year to reduce this to < 45% they like many other Enterprises, need to tackle this Black Box of un allocated expenses now rather than wait for a silver bullet, because, there simply isn’t one.

One Solution could be; Microservices

One of my personal favourite quotes, came from Andy Grove, he summed this up perfectly, when he said:

‘’Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive’’

Software has emerged as the critical differentiator in every industry, from financial services to fashion, as “technology first” startups disrupt global markets.

To stay alive, some of the biggest global enterprises we know are making a radical change in how they build and deliver software. The new model is called microservices, an approach where large applications are broken down into small, loosely coupled and composable autonomous pieces.

Through 2019, every $1 enterprises invest in innovation will require an additional $7 in core execution. Even though digital innovation/ideation initiatives take mind share, enterprise spend will be far greater to deploy and enable the innovation

Microservices have four main benefits:

Agility. By breaking down functionality to the near atomic level and abstracting it, development teams can focus on only updating the relevant pieces of an application. This removes a painful process of integration experienced with monolithic applications. Development processes that used to take months can now take only weeks.

Efficiency. A thoughtful approach to microservices can result in far more efficient use of code and underlying infrastructure. Users report significant cost savings—in some cases reducing the amount of infrastructure required to run a given application by 50%.

Resiliency. The dispersion of functionality across services should result in no single point of failure. The result is systems that perform much better with very limited downtime and can scale seamlessly on demand.

Revenue. Faster iteration and less downtime add up to more revenue. User retention and user engagement increase as your product continuously improves

The concept of microservices is not new. Google Inc., Amazon.com Inc. and Facebook Inc. have been running microservices for over a decade. In fact, every time you search for a term on Google, it calls out to roughly 70 microservices before it returns your results.

Enterprises tried to replicate this with an approach called “service-oriented-architecture” that largely failed because the right building blocks for mass adoption were not yet in place.

The three main building blocks that were needed are now established, and together, they are making the benefits of microservices available to all:

Containers. Akin to how containers transformed the shipping industry, software containers have created a standardized frame for all services. This standardization simplifies what was once a painful integration process in a heterogeneous infrastructure world. Docker has spurred a revolution in how developers around the world build and deploy applications with containers.

APIs. The rapid adoption of APIs has created a standardized format for communications.

Scalable cloud infrastructure. Cloud infrastructure, whether private or public, delivers the resources needed on demand to scale and operate services effectively.

IT infrastructure divides like a cell every time a new standard of abstraction is universally adopted. Each successful iteration has brought with it a new era of computing where time to value decreased, cost of development decreased and a new set of large market cap companies were born.

The LAN enabled the division to client/server; the Internet brought Web services and SaaS; virtualization extended the power within our own data centers; and mobile made services accessible from virtually anywhere.

At each stage, a full landscape of tools and platforms rises. For microservices, we see it happening with companies like Docker, Mesosphere, Nginx and Confluent leading the charge. They have emerged as the leaders by creating the products and services that help enterprises adopt this model.

Every transformation comes with challenges. Embracing microservices requires significant planning and coordination by your development team. Rigor must be in place to make sure there is not a sprawl of duplicative services being created by developers on the fly. Quality is important as a developer must expect similar levels of performance across services. Connective tissue that manages the access and flow of information across services becomes paramount. In this model, the relationships across services are often as important as the services themselves.

The adopters we see to today, like GE, Hewlett Packard Co., Equinix Inc., PayPal Holdings Inc., Capital One Financial Corp., Goldman Sachs Group Inc., Airbnb Inc., Medallia, Square Inc. and Xoom Corp. say it is well worth the tradeoff. The benefits far outweigh the costs. As more companies move to this model, better tools will emerge to help manage the growing complexity.

Most tellingly, we see developers voting with their feet. Developers use whatever best helps them get their job done. In today’s innovation environment, that means tools and platforms for microservices.

The next wave of disruptive innovation will arise from the technology-enabled, platform-driven business ecosystems that are now taking shape across industries.

Within five years, a core component of corporate valuations will be based on their platform ecosystems and digital assets.

Innovation will come from within these ecosystems and leaders must become ‘network leaders’ at the heart of these ecosystems in order to bring this value to clients. For platform providers, Accenture is an important partner as we can bring volume and traffic to their platforms and translate the value they offer in a way that makes sense for our clients.

Key Insights 

• The next wave of disruptive innovation will arise from the technology-enabled, platform-driven business ecosystems that are now taking shape across all industries 

• A platform is something that can built upon and can connect people. Platforms are not new. A shopping mall / center is a platform: it is a physical platform that has shops built upon it and connects merchants with customers that enable interaction (e.g. buying some clothes). However, in the digital age, the cost, ease and ability to scale a platform is much easier and quicker and enhances the ability to capture, analyze and exchange huge amounts of data that add to the platform’s value. In the digital age, the competitive advantage of a platform is in the amount and quality of information and interactions captured. Facebook is a good example of a platform. The Facebook application is a software product, it’s an app. You can log into it online and use it as a web service, or you can download it to your device and log in to a connected app

• Digital platforms allow companies key growth opportunities through: 

• Growth into other complementary markets. Platforms also allow multiple business models to be built and supported. For instance, Amazon is an online retail framework. Amazon started by selling books. Over time they have expanded to selling all sorts of other things on their platform. Apple iTunes started by selling tracks and now uses the same framework to sell videos 

• Network effects that create value by tapping into resources and capacity that they don’t have to own. Creation of these platforms has also enabled Facebook, Apple and Amazon to create entire ecosystem that do much of the work to grow the company and drive strategies. Successful platform companies

• Apple saw the iPhone as a way to connect 2 sides of a market – app developers on one side and app users on another.

• June 1st 2017, global developer community has earned over $70 billion since the App Store launched in 2008, and in the past 12 months alone, downloads have grown over 70 percent

• The top 15 public ‘platform’ companies already represent $2.6 trillion in market capitalization worldwide, and they’re attracting this unprecedented level of capital investment through the value-creating power of their platform ecosystems and digital assets.

• But it’s no longer just about tech and born-digital organizations using platform strategies. Digital leaders across all industries are recognizing these opportunities for new kinds of growth and (capital) rewards. Companies like Phillips Healthcare are making large strategic investments in their HealthSuite Digital platform to unleash the market opportunities from patient management to data collection to consumer and home devices

• Within five years, a core component of corporate valuations and capital markets will be based on their platform ecosystems and digital assets

• By 2018, IDC predicts that more than 50% of large enterprises—and more than 80% of enterprises with advanced digital transformation strategies—will create and/or partner with industry platforms (which will number 500 or more by 2018, up from today’s 100-plus).

General Implications On Organizations And People

• Having a platform strategy and the business know-how to exploit it is more important than ‘owning’ an ecosystem. Winners in this future economy will be those focused in the right strategy on where they can best add value. They will need such a strategy not just to grow, but also to protect the profitability of their core business from new forms of platform-driven competition.

• The most powerful platform ecosystems of the digital economy will emerge from global (asset heavy) conglomerates that not only embrace digital transformation of their organizations, but also learn how to unleash the power of platform ecosystems. They can do this through foundational physical assets and knowledge of their industry and the cross-over effect to other industries.

• To survive and thrive in this new arena, companies of all types must redefine their roles and goals, and embrace the new rules of business. Winners will master the strategic use of digital technologies to build successful platform business models. Specifically, organizations must

• Build the partnerships that will support your ecosystem strategy. Identify the key players in digital ecosystems, choose your preferred alliances, and have initial discussions.

• Make some initial bets. Pick the one business process, product, or service that faces predictable disruption and can benefit from existing and new partnerships.

• Create new metrics to determine success in digital ecosystems. Develop these by tracking the progress of your pilot and use those insights to uncover potential indicators; iterate this process until you find metrics that can reliably measure success.

• Identify new skills demanded to support the expansion of your digital ecosystem strategy. What new technology skills are needed?

• Does your organization have the experience in a specific industry? Develop a plan to acquire these high-priority skills.

• Robert Murdoch bought mySpace in 2005, but failed due to a focus more on controlling the internal operation than on fostering the ecosystem and creating value for participants.

• To increase the likelihood of innovations that create these opportunities for winning in the platform economy, organizations need to focus on building core competencies required to succeed in this environment:

• Network Leadership. Network Leadership refers to a leader’s effectiveness at contributing to and leveraging the performance of other units or teams (regardless of company borders), and leading his or her team to do the same. Network leaders are therefore able to move away from solely focusing on own their function to focusing on the opportunities for the full organization. This type of leadership requires individuals to deal with

• More complexity and less predictability: There are more potential barriers for decision making. More often, they need to collaborate with unfamiliar peers and rely on the expertise of others.

• Less proximity: Team dispersion and breadth require leaders to work with the teams they manage in new and different ways. Leaders must find new ways to stay informed about employees’ work as it becomes less visible to leaders.

• More peer to peer development: Leaders must focus on building a team culture that enables staff to seek guidance, support, and development from each other, rather than their leader. As spans of control widen and leaders have less time to devote to members of their teams, teams must execute on their objectives without constant input from their leaders 

• HR Leaders report that they feel their leaders currently struggle with these skills even within their own organizational boundaries / silos (Creating Enterprise Leaders, CEB, 2015):

• Only 13% of heads of HR rated their leaders as effective at supporting the performance of other leaders, only 10% agree their leaders drive cross-team collaboration successfully.

• At the heart of this shift from more traditional modes of leadership to network (or platform) leadership are 3 key shifts (van Alstyne, Parker & Choudary, 2016):

• From resource management to resource orchestration of producers and consumers (and building a community that is hard to copy)

• From internal optimization (of end to end delivery) to facilitating external interaction between producers and consumers (and moving all parties towards further participation)

• From a focus on customer value to ecosystem value (in a circular and iterative, feedback driven manner)

Current Trend within Accenture

• Accenture does not have one over-arching platform strategy – rather as an organization we understand where we can best play in the industry verticals and ecosystems in which we operate

• Each domain has its own ecosystem with its own “s-curve” (encompassing new start-ups to big incumbents). Our people need to know these companies and develop a POV about where we want to play:

• For example, in the Cloud space, Microsoft and AWS are leaders in the public cloud, IBM are leaders in the data centre, mainframe and private cloud space

• Innovation will come from within these ecosystems and Accenture must be at the heart of these ecosystems if we are to mediate this value into our clients

• For platform providers, Accenture is an important partner as we can bring volume and traffic to their platforms and translate the value they offer in a way that makes sense for our clients

In Certain domains we will develop our own Platfrom

The Accenture Insights Platform is a cloud-based, end-to-end analytics solution designed to simplify data and deliver real-time, actionable insights to businesses for a competitive advantage. Comprised of an integrated suite of leading technologies, consumption-based commercial arrangements, and enterprise support, the platform is a flexible Analytics-as-a-Service solution designed to help a range of business users, from the C-suite to data scientists, make data-driven decisions that can solve business issues and create new opportunities. 

• In some we will look to leverage our relationship with a platform provider and look to co-develop a platform further

• For example,  SAP SE (NYSE: SAP), the Enterprise platform provider and Accenture (NYSE: ACN) are joining forces in the core and industry development and go-to-market of SAP® Business Suite 4 SAP HANA® (SAP S/4HANA), the next-generation business suite from SAP built on the industry’s most advanced in-memory platform. This collaboration and co-investment means that Accenture developers and industry experts are now working side by side with SAP in to co-development activities, getting unique input, insight and development opportunities with SAP S/4HANA.

• In others we will look to build services on top of platforms that already have significant ‘network effects’

• For example, in the Industry space, with GE, Accenture have created the Intelligent Pipeline Solution, software powered by the GE PredixTM platform. It was the first-ever Industrial Internet offering to help pipeline operators make better decisions concerning the condition of their critical machines and assets in the oil and gas pipeline industry and help customers make better, faster decisions on their pipeline operations to improve safety and prevent costly downtime, by taking advantage of the massive amounts of data generated through business operations.

KEY SOURCES

• Accenture Technology Vision 2016 Executive Summary, Accenture, 2016, accenture.com

• Consulting on the cusp of disruption, Harvard Business Review, Oct. 2013

May 20, 2017

April of this year. The Sahara. The heat was so hot, it can melt your shoes, and on Day 3 the Sahara's mid - day temperature reached a mind boggling 60 degrees centigrade

 That little figure in the distance, moving at a fast pace across the sand dunes? That's me, Craig Horton. The new me. The old me died - twice. Once when I had a heart attack while out running in 2014 and drifted to heaven for 60 seconds before getting CPR'd back. And the second version of me passed away when I decided post-heart attack to reinvent myself - to become an elite runner; heart scare be damned.

  I wasn't always an elite runner, seen here at the Marathon De Sables, the world's toughest foot race, bombing it across the desert in sunglasses, sand gaiters over my feet to stop the sand getting in and a week's supply of my own food on my back. No. When I decided to rebuild my life, I'd been forced to stare into the mirror and ask: do I want to be the client-entertaining life and soul of the party, or do I want to push my limits in the purest sense, and rub shoulders with athletes who have found inner piece through extreme endurance events? And so I chose the latter.

  After the last six months of training 6-7 days per week, I'd arrive in Morocco, ready. I'd done all the runs that my running coach Rory Coleman had told me to do in his plan. I'd brought my weight down from the mid- high 80-kilos mark to a lean 76. And now I was powering, hard.

  There was just one problem: in my eagerness to push so hard, to exorcise my inner demons, I'd gone out too hard. There's making an entrance at the world's toughest foot race - and then there's falling apart under the physical stress and blistering heat and mere 2400-calorie food consumption per day, and effectively doing the job for the race. 

  This race is meant to test your mettle. So you need to be conscious not to give the race an easy win. 

But here I was, going for broke. I was so keen to prove to myself, to my fiancé Kirstin, to my two daughters, my Mom, and to all my friends and colleagues supporting me back home, that I had the character and true grit to survive a race like this, that slowly, but surely, my wheels were beginning to come off.

  I'd spent four years training for this race, effectively, if you could count the time back in 2013,  when I'd first started and then in 2014 had the heart attack and then the recovery.

  But not I was putting that all at stake by going too hard. I'd tried to out tough the world's toughest foot race, when actually, like life, it's about self-preservation and learning lessons while submerging yourself in the cauldron.

  As the days had worn on, I'd been inspired by the tales of those other hardcore runners also doing the event. One individual in my tent at night was here running the MDS again, despite having terminal prostrate cancer. My coach Rory had caught a near-deadly virus and been incapacitated for a year, having to learn how to walk again. So if they were here, and going for it, I could too. 

  At night, before heading out the next day, I'd listen to them as sources of wisdom. Life was about never giving up, just like at this race, no matter how hard things get. Defeat isn't the end - giving up is.

  I didn't realise it in that heat but the reason my machine was getting run down was that I didn't understand how much salt my body needs in that heat. I got the salt test when I came back. I need a lot of salt. In the desert though? It wasn't happening.

  As my salt levels dipped, and the fatigue set in, I crossed over into the dark depths of mental and physical anguish. Bright light turned to dark night. On the infamous 'long day' - effectively two back-to-back marathons - things got rough.

  The physical tests came thick and fast. I ached all over. There was sand all over me. I couldn't see where I was going. My head torch beamed bobbed around in front of me. No matter, I thought. I wanted this. This is who I am. What a journey I've been on, I reflected. The me of today owes it to the me of yesterday to keep going no matter what. Thank you, I'd say with each step. Thank. CLOMP. You. CLOMP. Left-right. Left-right. Endless.

  As bold as you are with your approach at the MDS, for all the mental and physical obstacles you have to overcome to get in the right shape to get here, it's a new, special world in the desert, especially as you grind your way across it throughout the night, before the sun rears its morning head in order to bake you. You have to be prepared. 

  As the mind drifts, emotions get jumbled, thoughts clang and flow through your mind. The world of the desert turns almost shamanic, myself and other runners in the distance and far behind, hovering mentally, physically and spiritually in that weird hinterland between life and death.

  As the stakes get higher, you ask yourself why us long distance runners do it. There is no one answer, other than: it's complicated.

But like any battle - be it in your mind, with your body, or in preparing your soul - you must keep attacking. Reorganise your mind. Take stock. Then launch your assault. With no option of an exit, you become one with the race. It solidifies into a thing. You get into its mind.

  And then there's a breakthrough. You realise, even though you're exhausted (and now seriously lacking in salt), that any metaphorical death of yourself in the Sahara is actually your own rebirth. 

  You've changed. All that physical tension. All that sacrifice, in so many ways. You've tasted death. Your emotions have gone up and down like a yo-yo so many times you need a new string. In many ways, you've died because you've faced your own shadow you were running away from. 

  There is no one left to demonise in the desert. It's just you, your heart, and the sand. 

  But within that ordeal, you find inner balance. You've faced your fears. You've gone psycho over sand dunes. You've stood up to the personal negativity and packed it away in a box.

Your ego has died.

  By the time I crossed the line and got my finisher's medal, I didn't need to celebrate externally. I'd rediscovered my love for myself. I'd taken possession of the character I'd always hoped I was. Like King Arthur, I had seized the sword. I could now see my life differently, for what it is. I had a new perception of the world.

  And now, on my road back from the MDS, I find myself motivated again. I came in the top 22% of all runners there. If I'd managed my salt intake better, who knows how much faster I would have been.

  And so next year, having been cleansed and resurrected by MDS 2017, I'm going back. I'm ready for another showdown. The way I look at my own world has changed. 

At MDS 2018, I intend to fully master myself.

March 16, 2017

Lessons learned during my journey to the start line!

The wakeup call; October 26th 2014, I will never forget that date, that’s the date I died. And it was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

  I'd been out running at the beach, with my 10kg back pack, had experienced a sudden massive heart attack, collapsed in on myself and hit the ground, dead. I smashed my face up upon impact with the concrete. And for roughly a minute, pedestrians walked around my dead body, perplexed but going about their business, letting me die.

  I know this because last month I finally hunted down and met the couple who actually stopped, gave me CPR multiple times, administered a defibrillator twice, and brought me back to life while the ambulance made its slow trickle to rescue me from the Dutch beach sidewalk where my slowly recovering cadaver lay.

  Fast forward 30 months and I'm now an elite-level runner. This April - next month! - I'm about to compete in the Marathon Des Sables, the world's toughest footrace, spending 6 days running across the sand dunes of the Sahara in blistering heat, supported by only the food and water I'll carry with me in my rucksack.

  I can't wait and I'm aiming to come somewhere near the top of the pack, even though I've never done anything like this before.

I'll be a fish out of water, and it'll be a complete change from the ordinary world that I came from before my heart attack.

  Back then, I worked hard and I played too hard. I'd been successful in my career. I'd been living in the U.K. and flying over to Amsterdam for work frequently, leaving behind my then-wife and two beautiful daughters while I studiously focused on the job at hand.

  The problem was that I was so focused on working hard and entertaining clients that my body gave up. Like many Brits in business, when I drank, I went for it, enjoying my role as being the life and soul of the party. 

  Work was going well. I was also, as it happens, training for the April 2015 Marathon Des Sables, the same race I'm about to compete in next month.

  But the version of me now is completely different to the person and runner I was back then. I wanted the accolade of running across the Sahara, because achieving big things is a core part of my personality, in both life and at work.

  However, as my heart attack showed, there's only so much load your body can take if you're living the wrong kind of life.

  My marriage had been in a spiral, caused partly by work-related absence and hard living, I was grossly overweight compared to how I am now, I was drinking, I was pushing forward aggressively at work, and I was also training for the Marathon Des Sables.

  I thought I could handle all that load. After all, I'd previously run the London Marathon, so I thought I was fit.

  Looking back, I'd been out running and training to escape the tough life I'd made for myself back home, and the addition of all my training even leading up to my heart attack only exacerbated the problem.

  Now I live in Amsterdam with my new fiancé Kirstin, and after overcoming a tough emotional period of separation from my former wife, I'm ready to tackle the MDS full throttle.

  Better still, my life has gone from black-and-white to vibrant Technicolor.

  Even I still get shocked by the vivid contrast.

  The adventure began as I recovered from my heart attack after being discharged from hospital. 

  The medics had cut my sweaty running clothes off me (I still keep them in my basement as a memento, a reminder of how far I've come).

  But as the days passed, and my recovery of heart and also from my facial reconstruction improved, my mind began flitting back to all I'd hoped to achieve with my running.

  Although I had begun training for the MDS under the wrong lifestyle conditions, I still felt within me that I had been on the cusp of learning something new and magical about myself and the world through the art of running.

  I didn't want to remain in this world of victimhood, being a heart attack survivor. Instead of rest, maybe running again could heal my wounded heart.

 And so, I decided, against the wishes of my two concerned daughters, to start re-engaging with the MDS again. It had been a quest, and now it was unfinished business.

  Completing the MDS, I soon realised, would become vital to restoring the normal balance of my world. Only this time I'd commit fully. No eating junk food or drinking. 

  I'd make myself into the kind of athlete who could thrash himself both while out running and while also leading teams at work, and still live to tell the tale. I'd condition myself to withstand more than the previous version of me ever could. I was rebuilding my life, my happiness, my health and my career through running.

  I'd become an endurance athlete of both body and mind, and was only too aware of the positive ramifications this would have in the business world. I'd be someone who could keep going when others flagged, who could lead from the front and set the pace, with integrity, tact, enthusiasm and good judgement.

  I'd become a leader who could endure.

  At both work and at home, I would right all my wrongs.

  In my youth, I'd been an athlete, competing at county level in various sports. But the Craig that I'd become had become an offence to the natural order of things. I hadn't aimed to overeat and over-drink. But that's what has happened.

  Now I was pulling back and pressing reset.

By completing the MDS, I would achieve a dream, right my wrongs, confront a challenge and change my life.

  And although I had to overcome the fears of my loved ones panicking that I might die again in training as my heart rebuilt itself through the running, I feel amazing. Even though I know I'm in many ways heading into the terror of the great unknown.

  Thankfully, I've mitigated many of those concerns by enlisting the help of my running mentor Rory Coleman, Britain's most extreme endurance runner. He provided me with a training plan based on his experiences completing the race 13 times before. And he's guided me through what to look out for to make sure I don't find myself in trouble in the heat and solitude of the Sahara. 

  I've taken his advice and wise guidance, and tested different running backpacks, clothes and shoes to make sure my equipment doesn't hold me back during race week, especially during the darker moments, where you're expected to run two back-to-back marathons throughout the day and then overnight. As positive as this race will be, there is a dark side to it if you aren't physically, mentally or kit pre-prepared.

  And although Rory will be out there in the desert also running the race for himself, there's only so far a mentor can go with an apprentice. I must face the unknown alone.

  Yet as trepidatious as that all may sound, I'm nevertheless thrilled that my MDS quest has been rebooted. The balloon has gone up and I'm ready to soar.

  Yes, I've had to overcome sore leg muscles, aching toes. I'd sometimes quietly wonder whether in fact my heart might again fail me in training. So I no longer listen to music while out running, instead scanning my body as I run for signs of pain or weakness. But those signs have never appeared.

  I'm ten kilos lighter than I used to be. And I've had to find ways to squeeze in long runs between daytime business flights from Amsterdam to India. I've had to get the training runs in over Christmas and while on holidays abroad with my fiancé - the luxurious flip side being that I've then been privileged to run in the countries I'd been visiting. Often, in fact, the first thing I would pack before my trip would be my running gear.

  But I've squeezed in the training runs, nonetheless, and showed up to all my business meetings firing on more cylinders than I knew I had. 

  It's tested my manhood, my determination and my character. But I'm overjoyed that I've risen to the challenge. 

  I've also learnt some new rules for running that I apply to my work and personal life - the attitude of gratitude. I'm so grateful to still be alive. Whenever I'm running, in fact, and I start to get tired, I repeat the mantra 'Thank you' over and over again. As my left leg hits the ground I say 'Thank' and then I say 'You' as my right foot does the same. If you live in Amsterdam, and some sweaty bloke has run past you saying 'Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You' repeatedly, that'll be me!

 The running has given me not just a taste of the giddy, surreal and exciting world of the MDS but it's also shown me that within all of us, we have a great power that we can unleash if we want to.

  That sense of positivity had flowed into every aspect of my life, with this year possibly becoming my greatest yet. I'm set to marry my fiancé Kirstin two months after completing the MDS. And wonderful, my relationship with my own mother has blossomed. Ironically, I now see more of my Mum that I did when I was living near her in the UK. The funny thing is, for all the time that the training takes, it maximises and enhances the time you spend with the people you love when you see them.

  As I approach the MDS, now, I know that whatever happens out there in the desert will lead to me discovering the version of myself I always wanted to be. I have prepared and planned to outwit this race. And I'm ready to confront the version of who I was before my heart attack and tear him down for good.

  In the darkness of that long night in the Sahara, I know that I will rediscover myself. As dangerous as it will be, I will be forced to hit rock bottom and confront the hostilities of my own mind telling me to quit.

I won't.

  The MDS will be like a ginormous trashmasher, hoping to crush me in its harsh cradle.

  But I survived a heart attack and I've died before. As life-and-death as that sounds, I will outwork the race. I won't give up. And I will complete the race, carrying with me into the remainder of this year and beyond all the lessons I've learnt about pushing through in life when things appear to be at their bleakest.

  The old me did die on that sidewalk at the beach in Holland. But I needed to die so that I could be reborn. And all this has lead to me fulfilling my fate, and complete the race next month.

  And when I do, the feelings of revival will be exhilarating. I've brushed up against permanent death, but survived it.

  You're never more alive than when you look death in the face.

  This time next month I'll be running across the Sahara to take possession of the treasure I am seeking: vindication for the person I was supposed to have become. My personal relationships with those close to me has never been better. And my commitment to my work life has never been stronger. I've shifted shape as a person, and I've been cleansed.

  Running has reinforced in my mind the realisation that even though life comes with countless dangers, temptations, darkness and tests, every moment alive is freedom and should be loved and embraced. 

  You only get one shot at life. But I am now getting my second go of it, and intend to return from the Sahara next month and come home with a good story to tell.

 I have died, but I have been reborn as a more complete human being, with new insights and a greater respect for the world. Gratitude is the gift that has healed and restored my universe.

  And for that, I am truly grateful.

I’m taking part in the 2017 Marathon Des Sables #554 from the 7-17th April. Follow my progress at; http://www.marathondessables.com/en/ or www.marathondesables.co.uk