Wellbeing Tips

Reflections, Strategies and Hopes for 2021

by Karen Ferry

Published in January 2021 Issue of Science of Psychotherapy

There is no denying that COVID’s global impact of 2020 will go down in history as being perhaps one of the most challenging times individuals have experienced for decades. The losses have been overwhelming, on-going, and for many, devastating… and the world has grieved heavily.

As numbers of COVID cases daily increased and lockdown restrictions became tighter, we felt ourselves plunging into a downward spin of uncertainty and fear. As therapists, we could offer only limited hope, no promise that things will get better, and we were forced to pull out every resource to encourage resilience.

Individual views on Covid have been varied and appeared to depend on direct personal effects and inconveniences. For some individuals, COVID has been a fallacy, a frustrating and irritating annoyance, sparking either complacency or angry outbursts and feelings of entitlement, particularly within retail facilities permitted to remain open during lock-down. Retail employees desperately sought counselling assistance to cope with selfish, demanding and often threatening behaviours from abusive customers. Frustrations and anger also played out at home with police reporting a rise in domestic violence and child abuse cases.

Not everyone found 2020 difficult. In fact, many flourished. 2020 became a year of new possibilities, the discovery of untapped creativity to accommodate changed work conditions, adjusting and perhaps even ‘enjoying’ altered family circumstances. Many have found time to pursue hobbies and DIY projects. Still others decided ‘job keeper’ was better than being employed and lived on the generosity of the government while enjoying days of Netflix and Foxtel.

But for most, the year 2020 has been harsh and hard. The unexpected changes felt uncomfortable and we have struggled. We discovered we can no longer predict events, make long term plans, and in reality, we can no longer govern or control our own lives. All ‘sense of control and orientation’ (Grawe (2007) was stripped from us. Simple daily options were gone and our brains began searching for ‘survival' alternatives. 2020 has required constant mental fortitude, and many have become depleted.

As we move into the ‘Happy New Year’ parties of 2021, celebrations will be touched with nervousness, hesitancy and uncertainty. The stroke of midnight will remind us that life is unpredictable. We have no idea what curve balls will be thrown our way in 2021. Life is uncertain. Period!!

Whether 2020 was a year that we struggled, or succeeded, there is no denying the internal world of every individual has been challenged, and we have been forced to cope with continual ‘newness’ of how to do life. Covid- 19 is still with us, but it doesn’t have to stop us giving of our best, reaching goals, living life to the full, even if life now looks different. What It does mean, is that we may now have to be intentional, courageous and resilient to keep moving forward.

The following points emanated from a year of observations and counselling individuals who survived 2020 well, despite COVID related set-backs, tragic loses, on-going health issues and changed family circumstances. They are tips to consider when moving into 2021…

1. Acknowledge that life is uncertain. Every day is unpredictable, but it doesn’t need to be feared. It takes effort and courage to embrace uncertainty, rather than run from it and become stuck in our fears. Controlled breathing, mindfulness, prayer, meditation and exercise are just a few ideas to restore a sense of personal control. Taking moments to check ourselves out of the continual, incoming barrage of bad news and being intentional to notice the good, the grateful, the gracious became necessary for healthy well-being.

2. Embracing change means life is different. Across the globe, individuals and businesses quickly had to adapt as Plan A’s were no longer an option. As businesses closed and jobs were lost, many found they were without any future ‘plan’ at all. These clients were challenged to adopt a ‘mantra’ of purpose. They were encouraged to do something every day to make their world BIGGER and somebody else’s BETTER. A bigger world meant trying something new, reading and learning something new, even talking with someone new, on a walk, in the grocery store, at the front gate - every day. Intentionally shifting our focus from ourselves to others, practicing kindness, giving care, offering to help in volunteer activities, restored daily purpose and provided a sense of value, boosting energy levels even in the hardest lock-down conditions.

3. Give ourselves some grace, and extend that grace to others. Accept that some days are going to be hard and ride the waves, rather than feel inadequate that we are not pushing through enough. Rest, relaxation, sleep and just chilling out is needed to replenish the energy lost. It is okay to spend days doing nothing! However, be wise and don’t stay doing nothing as behaviours that make us feel safe will be rewarded by dopamine and repeated. Repeated behaviours soon become behavioural schemas. Make sure the behavioural schemas adopted are beneficial and not detrimental to long-term well-being.

4. Being intentional each day to not get stuck in thoughts of loss and what we ‘can’t do’ or ‘don’t have’ anymore. Those that were able to adopt an attitude of ‘what can I still do’ rather than ‘there’s nothing I can do’, appeared to survive lock-down restrictions more easily. While ‘Netflix’, computer games and junk food became an attractive boredom buster during lockdown, those that stayed active with daily exercise and creative activities released the endorphins needed to boost mood. Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF), commonly known as brain fertilizer, essential for producing new neurons and down-regulating stress, proliferates when we exercise, sleep well and eat nutritious food. Instead of using Covid restrictions as an excuse to become sedentary and order in Uber Eats, maybe 2021 can be the year we take control of our health again!

5. Be careful of perceptions. What we perceive may not be totally accurate. Too many conspiracy theories have been believed during 2020 resulting in unfounded anxieties and unnecessary fears. The quote “Don’t believe everything you think” is never more applicable to this time in history. 2020 has revealed strengths of character that maybe we didn’t know we had. Yes, many have floundered instead of flourished - but we kept going! Identifying strengths starts with identifying what it is that we are afraid of, naming the fear and how it makes us feel, acknowledging that this is our personal perception then address the perception. Is it true? Is it exaggerated? Is it something I can get through? If I can’t, what can I do? Who can I ask to help me? What other sources can I go to for more information?

6. A most disturbing effect COVID has had on families and communities is that it has dominated conversations. Instead of pleasant communication around general topics such as work, school, sports, health, holidays and life in general, COVID-19 has wormed its way into every conversation and has been a dominant theme in social media. Our neural networks have been stimulated and altered by our constant conversations around Covid, listening and watching endless news reports and current affair programs. While no-one can deny the importance of keeping up with reports and COVID updates, maybe 2021 can see us put a boundary around how much time we spend ‘updating’, and begin to enjoy family and friends conversations outside of COVID again.

7. Leave the regrets of 2020 in 2020! It has been a devastating year in so many ways, but living with regrets of how we have handled it, things we should have done differently etcetera, has no purpose. Moving forward into 2021 means we strive to do things differently. Using the word DESPITE will help us live beyond regrets and pain of 2020. For example, “Despite the lockdown of COVID, I was able to organise my life into more manageable chunks.” “Despite our family being separated, we learned to use zoom or facetime to our advantage.” Despite losing my job, I have taken this opportunity to attend to family and complete projects.”

On a personal note:

I write this having profoundly struggled with 2020. My family lives in Victoria (Australia) where Covid numbers and extra lockdown restrictions considerably influenced work and family. In the middle of lockdown, our son was killed in a tragic workplace accident. We felt our 2020 losses moved up 10 levels!! The sad and shocking statistic is that many readers have also lost loved ones, too many due to COVID. We will move into 2021 with hesitancy, but I want to encourage all to pull on those ‘brave pants’ and keep going. Even though we may not be able to dance into a new year, we will crawl over the line, knowing that despite the un-paralled losses 2020 has thrust on us, we have strengths and purpose to keep going. Let’s turn this black, dark year into something worthwhile and purposeful for 2021.