His Secret Obsession

Do you ever get a gut feeling about someone the instant you meet them?

When that happens, you know it’s not because of what they said or did. It’s some kind of signal you read in their facial expression, vocal tone, or body language.

Surprisingly, researchers have found that we are quite accurate with these instantaneous assessments about other people.

The simple fact is, you know things about a person the second you meet them. And you react to these unspoken signals automatically.

If you’re good at reading people, you may not find it surprising to learn that men and women notice different kinds of signals when interacting with a potential mate.

See the video here to learn the unusual pattern of signals men look for in a romantic relationship. It explains the hidden signal that either repels a man or makes him feel irresistibly attracted to you. You'll also learn about a particular signal you’re broadcasting to men all the time (whether you know it or not). There’s a specific kind of body language men simply can’t ignore. It’s a signal that can spark romantic feelings. Or it can repel him, depending on what he’s reading from your nonverbal cues.

Would you like to know what it is?

Men Are Extremely Sensitive to Something in Your Body Language That You Would Never Expect.

Women often ask me for the words to make a man want you. But the secret to make someone fall in love with you goes a bit deeper. In fact, your ability to broadcast the right non-verbal message makes all the difference when it comes to attracting the kind of man you want.

If you’ve been attracting attention from guys who fail to connect with you on a deep, emotional level, I may be able to show you why. You’re probably sending out just one very confusing signal...without even realizing it.

With the wrong signal, you end up with this:

• Attention from the wrong kind of guys. The ones you aren’t interested in.

• Initial attraction that later fades with the one guy you really wanted to attract.

• A slow and painful death for the attraction and passion in your existing relationship.

But with a slight adjustment, you could be sending the right signal all the time. And you’d end up getting results more like this:

• Passion that intensifies the longer you’re together

• A guy who clearly feels protective of you

• A deep feeling of private exclusivity as he lets you into his inner world

The difference can be dramatic. And it all comes down to this one signal I’m about to show you.

In order to explain this signal, think of yourself as a radio tower.

You are constantly broadcasting a message to the men in your life. And there’s one “channel” he can’t tune out.

That’s because men have emotional “antennas” designed specifically to detect this one kind of signal.

Ready to find out which signal I’m talking about? Ok, here it is. He reads your nonverbal cues to find out where you “rank him” compared with other men.

He reads your body language to see how he measures up in your eyes. Does she respect me? Or am I just her play thing?

Does she look up to me in some ways? Does she value me compared to other men? Or is she just settling?

Why are men so sensitive to this one signal?

Because, oddly enough, this signal tells him how you compare him to other men. So it influences how he feels about himself whenever he’s around you.

And it’s amazing how much this one signal affects his emotions.

You see, in relationships, people don’t tell us what we really want to know. We have to listen to what’s written between the lines.

This kind of “listening” determines how we feel about each person we meet. And when it comes to romantic relationships, it tells us far more than spoken words.

Now tell me this. Which man would you rather commit to for life?

A man who compliments your beauty but seems to have difficulty keeping his eyes off other women? Or a man who is reserved with his compliments, but seems to have eyes only for you?

The truth is, no one wants to end up with someone who is just settling. Instead, you want to feel desired.

Men are no different. But what makes men feel desired is very different from what makes women feel desired.

For example, research shows men often confuse love and respect. A man does not want to be loved by a romantic partner unless she also holds him in high regard compared with other men.

Otherwise, it just feels like motherly love. That’s not what he wants. It’s not how he wants to perceive himself in his primary relationship.

And that’s why...Women often send mixed signals to the guy they’re interested in without even knowing it.

It happens accidentally. And I have to tell you, it’s not your fault.

Society has changed too fast for men and women to adapt to the rapid changes. We are left scrambling.

In nearly every culture there used to be a clear set of expectations. Those expectations guided men and women through the process of connecting with a lifelong partner.

Demonstrations of mutual admiration were built into the process of courtship.

But those clear expectations are a thing of the past. These days, each couple has to invent their own path, dancing around unspoken expectations and feelings of uncertainty.

And there’s something that often gets lost in our modern version of courtship.

I’m talking about the ancient art of communicating desire through the language of admiration. It’s where the phrase, “You have an admirer” came from.

He doesn’t want you to settle. He wants to feel like you see him as the ultimate catch. Otherwise, it deflates his ego. And with it, his passion for the relationship deflates too.

He just can’t picture himself with a woman who looks up to other men more than she looks up to him.

But this is where things get confusing.

Many women want to make their man feel loved.

But a woman’s idea of loving communication is very different than a man’s.

How do you communicate your true feelings to a man? And why are men so sensitive to tiny signals about where you rank him compared with other men?

See the video here to learn the most powerful signals you can use to grab a man’s attention. After watching this video, many women are surprised to learn how much control they have over a man’s self-esteem. And even more surprised by how easy it is to make someone cherish you and want to invest in the relationship.

Many of us have a tendency to buy gifts of the sort we would like to receive ourselves. It can be like that with love. We try to love our partner the way we want to be loved.

So you make him feel special. Yet he seems unaffected by that. You speak your own native love language to him. Apparently, he speaks another. But I’m here to tell you about one incredible, universal method you can use to grab his attention by showing that you get what he craves most.

How much time do you spend trying to be the kind of woman you think men want?

If you’re like most women, it’s a LOT. You spend all this time making yourself look sexy and attractive.

All this time presenting yourself as fun, interesting, worldly, and not needy in the slightest. You spend all this time showing him just how good you’d be for him… How amazing his future would be if he chose you as the woman by his side…

And it doesn’t work. It never works. WHY? Why do you work so hard… And the guy in your life just takes you for granted, if he even notices you at all? It’s probably because he’s immature, right? He can’t recognize a good thing until it’s gone. Or maybe… It’s because you’ve been doing all the work for him.

If He Doesn’t Work for Your Relationship, He Won’t Value It

Fact: What men value most are those things they have to work hard to get.

Hand a man a college diploma, and he won’t value it as much as if he’d had to put in years of study and effort to earn it.

Hand a man the perfect girlfriend, and he won’t value her as much as if he’d had to woo her for weeks just to get her to go out with him. This is why playing hard to get works.

But, as you’ve probably already noticed…

There’s a BIG problem with playing hard to get. That strategy stops working once he’s actually got you.

Something happens when guys decide they’ve won you. It’s almost like they think, “Game over.” Their minds are already on their next challenge. What is going on?!

And how can you stop it from wrecking your relationship?

It’s Not Just You—ALL Women Experience This

(That’s Why They Ask for Help)

Many women give up on love. They never let themselves get too close to a man, for fear of scaring him off. But other women try a different approach. They get help. Relationship coach James Bauer is one of the people they turn to.

He noticed that many clients were coming to him, complaining about guys who were blowing hot and cold. Everything would be going great, and then it was like…

Something would change overnight.

A guy who’d been warm, affectionate and interested would suddenly become distant. He’d no longer have any time for her. He wouldn’t smile in greeting. He’d stop making eye contact. His kisses were brusque. Wanting to help his clients, James investigated.

And what he discovered made sense of everything. He knew why these men were backing away. He knew what they needed … and what they weren’t getting.

It didn’t come down to anything wrong with these women.

Rather, it all came down to something he called “The Hero Instinct.”

Most Women Do Something that Drives Men Away…

Without Ever Realizing It

One of the most wonderful things about women is how naturally caring they are.

Look at you. You’re always there for your guy. You look after him. You always make time for him. You’d do anything for him.

You never realize that, in the process…

You’re actually taking something away from him. You’re taking away his purpose.

You see, he wants to be your hero. He doesn’t want you to be his hero.

Men love heroes. Look at how many grown men are still fascinated by Marvel comics and superhero movies.

Every man on Earth, from the time he was a boy, dreamed of growing up to be the kind of hero who would save the world—and get the girl at the same time.

Most men don’t get to indulge their world-saving side in their 9-5 jobs.

Circumstances don’t call for them to rip off their corporate ties and spring into action, revealing their superman side. Maybe they can’t save the world. But they can still get the girl.

Getting the girl is a worthy challenge for an ordinary guy with the heart of a superhero. It takes superhuman confidence. Superhuman charm. Superhuman immunity to pain. Now, all he needs to find is…

A girl who needs a hero. Do You Need a Hero? Let me guess… That’s not you.

You’re strong. You’re independent. You can fix a leaky faucet. You can drive a stick shift. You can take care of yourself. You’re never going to make that Jerry Maguire mistake of looking for a man to complete you.

Instead, you have a lot to offer a man. You’re generous. Kind. Loving. Giving to a fault. All you want is to find a man who’s willing to receive all you have to give.

And that’s why heroes aren’t showing up in your life. That’s why you’ve ended up with so many takers instead. Guys who take everything you have and leave you high and dry. If you want a hero, then you need to advertise for one. Here’s how.

3 Ways You Can Invite a Hero into Your Life, Starting Today

1. Ask a guy for help.

Ask him for advice on buying a new computer. Ask him to listen to that weird rattling sound that’s started up in your car. Ask him to reach something on the top shelf. Then thank him warmly, with a great big smile of appreciation. No, that doesn’t make you needy. It makes you a woman with space for a man in her life.

2. Take pleasure in male company.

Guys love women who appreciate men for just being men. So what if his apartment is a shrine to sports? So what if he spends hours on his fantasy football team? So what if his idea of a clean shirt is the one with the fewest wrinkles? He’s a guy. It’s okay. You don’t need him to be more like you, because you’ve got the feminine side of the gender equation covered.

3. Let him earn your respect.

Superheroes love challenges. They don’t want to be given a gold medal just for showing up. They don’t want your love handed to them on a plate. They want to earn it. There’s one thing they crave even more than a woman’s eternal enduring love: A challenge. So give him opportunities to prove himself. You don’t have to do the work of winning him over. Sit back, relax, and allow him the pleasure of winning your admiration.

Why do men shut women out?

Certainly, not every man pulls away when things start to heat up, but a lot of guys do.

Enough, in fact, that this is a common question among the women I work with as a dating and relationship coach.

Guys come on strong, pursuing with enough passion to make Romeo jealous, but when they win the attention of their Juliet, it's game over.

What gives?

Look, dating's a tough gig. Yes, it's fun and exciting, but it's also nerve-racking.

At first, it's all about the chase. He's trying to get your attention, and you're deciding whether or not he's worth it.

That's the time in any dating relationship when both people are so wrapped up in the pursuit that they're hardly giving any thought to what will come next.

And then, the pursuit changes.

You decide you're into the guy, and he, having won your attention, has to begin the process of considering an actual, serious relationship. Does he want one?

More than likely he does, or he wouldn't have been chasing you!

But, wanting it and being fearless enough to really go after it are two different things.

So, what's a girl to do?

Well, first I'll tell you what you should NOT do.

Avoid These Two Common Mistakes

1. First, don't assume it's about you. It almost certainly isn't. He was into you before you decided you were into him. He's still into you, now.

2. Second, don't pressure him. This is where a lot of the advice columns get it wrong. They often say you should play "hard to get" or some version of it.

Instead, let him know you're interested in him.

Do it in ways that don't smother or push. (Text messages every hour, on the hour, for example, might be over-doing it.)

Why do men pull away and shut women out at this phase of a relationship? Because he's a little nervous. He's nervous about giving up the freedom of choice.

Don't change, be the woman he fell in love with

During the pursuit phase, it's desire that motivates him. As soon as he realizes this could be something real, his motivation shifts.

Suddenly he's thinking about the many options he will give up, and the lifestyle changes he's committing to.

(A lot of guys have an irrational fear that all their activities will all become feminized if they commit to a woman.)

When he's acting this way, you don't have to change what you're doing. When he acts distant, your best bet is to appear calm and comfortable.

Be the woman he fell in love with (carefree, confident, and available).

Don't freak out—that'll freak him out. Don't demand his attention—that'll send him running. And don't launch into a panic that he's seen some fatal flaw in you.

Because that thought process will put you in a negative frame of mind, and that's anything but attractive.

Always Assume The Best

He pursued you for the first few dates, hoping you'd decide you were into him. He's gone out on a limb before.

Now it's your turn. Give him enough space to feel comfortable while still letting him know you're interested.

Any guy who truly wants a mature, real relationship will come around as soon as he sees there's nothing there to be afraid of.

And any guy who's not ready for a real relationship wasn't the catch you thought he was, anyway!

Now, before you settle into "waiting mode," I'd like to share a shortcut that can pull him back and rekindle his passionate pursuit at lightening speed.

There's nothing wrong with being patient, but if you want to pour a little miracle grow on your relationship, here's what I recommend you do next...

When He Shuts You Out, Try This...

Survey research shows men would rather be respected than loved. It's wired into our DNA.

We feel an irrational need to earn your respect as an avenue to becoming worthy of your love.

Now look, as a male dating coach working primarily with women, I know how crazy this must sound to you. But it's true.

It's one of the few "secrets" that really can give you an unfair advantage with men.

Here's how this knowledge can help.

If you channel a man's deep desire to earn your respect in the right ways, he will bend over backward for you.

And the more he does this, the easier it becomes for him to see himself in a long-term committed relationship with you.

And his favorite way to earn your respect?

He wants to be heroic. He wants to solve problems for you, come to your aid, and prove himself useful.

It's not very romantic, but it's woven into the fabric of his DNA.

See the video here to learn how you can tap into his hero instinct anytime you want, even if he's currently asking for space.

References:

• Harry's Masculinity Report 2018 https://s3.amazonaws.com/harrys-cdnx-prod/manual/Harry%27s+Masculinity+Report%2C+USA+2018.pdf - Men are happiest when a part of something where they feel needed and valued.

• Anderson, Cameron & Hildreth, John & Howland, Laura. (2015). Is the Desire for Status a Fundamental Human Motive? A Review of the Empirical Literature. Psychological bulletin. 141. 10.1037/a0038781. - Male need for respect.

• Gender Differences in Implicit Self-Esteem Following a Romantic Partner's Success or Failure," Kate A. Ratliff, PhD, University of Florida, and Shigehiro Oishi, PhD, University of Virginia; Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, online Aug. 5, 2013. - Men have lower self-esteem when their partner succeeds and they fail (i.e. they don't feel needed/irreplaceable).

• Canevello A, Crocker J. Creating good relationships: Responsiveness, relationship quality, and interpersonal goals. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2010;99(1):78-106. doi:10.1037/a0018186 - Showing him you believe in him and he's the one for the job.

• Reis HT, Lemay Jr EP, Finkenauer C. Toward understanding understanding: The importance of feeling understood in relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. 2017:11(3):e12308. doi:10.1111/spc3.12308 - You value his point of view and abilities.