Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What is a Circle of Friends?

A: Circle of Friends is a form of peer-mediated intervention where typically developing peers are taught about classmates with social challenges, and invited to befriend them. These peer mentors are provided education and awareness, strategies for connecting and supporting others who may be different, and given opportunities to socially interact on a regular basis.  Check out this link for some basic information on what a Circle of Friends group is: Circle of Friends

Q: How often should my Circle of Friends meet? 

A: Most Circles meet once a week. If meetings are held less often facilitators  the Circle won't be as cohesive and active as it could be. Without maintaining a high profile through regular Circle meetings, kids are less likely to interact. One standard model that works quite well is the following:

Q: When should I hold Circle meetings?

A: Time is always the issue in schools, isn't it? There is no one answer to this question, and it depends on your situation. Options include before school, after school, during lunch, during study hall, or even as part of recess...anytime you can fit it in. It may be impossible to find the perfect time of day; the important thing is to find some time somewhere and keep it consistent. It's common to hear, "I'd love to run a Circle of Friends group, but I'm just too busy during the school day and don't have the time". Well, that's one way to look at it, but here's another: Strong Circles can result in fewer behavior problems and happier kids. What does this look like? Fewer detentions and suspensions, more time in class and on task, a decrease in bullying...In the not so long run, you'll find that  Circle of Friends will actually save you time!

Q: I always start the year with good intentions, but I'm having a difficult time following through with my weekly meetings due to having so much on my plate at work. Then I end up feeling guilty. Help!

A: Research has shown that the strongest, most consistent groups are run by more than one facilitator. If you find another co-worker to facilitate your group with you, you'll have someone holding you accountable, you can share the work load, and you'll have twice as many ideas. After all, two (or more) heads are better than one!


Q: Help! We had open enrollment in our middle school CoF group this school year and 90 students showed up at our introductory meeting. We are unsure how to manage a group this large a group. We also suspect some of the kids' main motivation is to get out of study hall and hang out with their own friends.

A few suggestions: 1) Consider your second meeting to be a "vetting" process for peer mentors. Educate them about what the duties are for peer mentors. Communicate that CoF is an active peer mentor program and the expectation is not to just hang out with their friends, but to make new ones and support their classmates who need social supports. Create a "pledge" sheet they'll sign; be sure to have peer expectations outlined on the sheet. Some ideas would include: Invite focus students to eat lunch with them, engage focus students in conversations daily, at meetings, no cell phones allowed and move beyond your own friend group to include others. 2) If your group remains large, consider splitting up into what we call "group within a group". Many groups have several adults, including paras, attending the meetings. Divide your large group into several small groups, each led by a different adult. You can do the same activities, or have a large group play games in the gym or board games while the other takes a small group to work on social skill instruction. You can rotate kids in and out of these flexible groups depending on your needs.

Q:  I feel like a fish out of water....  Although I am so very excited about starting Circle of Friends, I need some pointers.  My focus student is a senior.  I have some students in mind that I would like to be in his group, but how do I go about asking them?  I know I need to "sell it"!  These kids have open lunch every day and would be giving one of those up a week.  Any helpful hints for me? How do I choose which peers to be in the Circle?

A:  Make up a small flyer with the first meeting info on it (date, time, place). Go up to each peer personally and say something like, "Hey, we're starting up a Circle of Friends support group for Joe this year and I'm looking for a few peer mentors to be involved. I think you'd be a great peer mentor. Would you be willing to come to an informational meeting during lunch next Tuesday? You can bring  a friend if you like." and then hand them the flyer. Then, put together a reminder email and send it the day before and the day of that first meeting. Teenagers are forgetful! You might also consider using some of the grant money to lure them to the first meeting with food--like subs or pizza or something they like. You don't have to, but it's a thought. We use some of our grant money for snacks at every meeting. Teenagers like to eat, so that gets them there, too. 

I'd recommend when considering peers to invite, especially at the high school level, to think about kids who aren't over committed to other things. For example, we've had some amazing kids want to be peer mentors, but between show choir, student council, the school play, and  getting straight As, they really didn't have the time to participate and didn't show up much at all. Don't be afraid to consider kids who might have a few struggles themselves, but who have big hearts. These kids have made some of our best peer mentors.

Q: How many peers do I choose?

A: There is no magic number. Some groups are small, with 3-4 peer mentors. Others have 8-10 active members. Some schools choose to have large groups with several target students and 15-20 mentors. There have been instances in smaller elementary classrooms where a teacher has had the whole class participate in a Circle of Friends group. Choose the size group that works best for your particular situation and comfort level. Keep in mind, every peer who attends that first Circle meeting will  not necessarily work out. Even though they may express initial interest, some won't show up for meetings, some are too busy, and some for whatever reason won't engage the target student. So, it might be a good idea to start with a larger number than you'd like to end up with. And, for middle and high school students who are on quarter or semester schedules, it might be a good idea to look at including some new Circle peers from time to time as semester or elective schedules and lunch periods change.

Q: Can I have a Circle for more than one focus student? Can I use the same peers?

A: Absolutely. There's no exact, one way to set up your circle. Do what works for you!

Q: Can a student fill both focus student and peer mentor roles at the same time?

A:  We've found that even though a student may have been selected to be the focus child based on his/her needs, often times they will reach out and be peer mentors themselves as their social skills, empathy, and ability to understand the perspectives of others develop. For example, some CoF groups choose to have several focus students with various special needs. In more than one case, students with autism have become peer mentors for others on the spectrum as well as for students with various developmental disabilities. They receive feedback, social skills training, and the advantage of developing new friendships while they are helping others at the same time. It really is a win-win.

Q: Our peer mentors attend the meetings regularly but don't interact with the focus student outside of these meetings. Is this o.k.?

A: While it's o.k., you may consider adding new students throughout the year until you find a group that will continue interactions outside of meetings. Typically, teachers select peers with perfect grades, great social skills, and those who participate in extracurricular activities. These students may make good mentors, but if they're too busy with activities and their own groups of friends, consider other students who aren't so involved already. Don't overlook kids with a big heart and who may have struggles of their own. Sometimes, these students have a whole lot of time, empathy, and are willing to reach out to others. They can become your best peer mentors.

Q: What do I do at Circle meetings with the kids?

A: It's important to note that there are two kinds of Circle meetings, those with the focus child in attendance, and those with just peers. In the beginning, approximately half of the meetings should include only the peers. The purpose of these meetings is to teach them about the focus student. If the child has a specific disability, for example autism, you could use age appropriate books and videos to teach them about the condition so they may better understand the focus child. Teach peers a conversation model and show them how to engage the focus child. Ask them how things are going. Discuss issues that arise during interactions with the focus child (and they will!), providing them ideas on ways to handle them.  Once you develop a cohesive group and the peers have a way to communicate and troubleshoot with you as the need arises, you may find you do not need so many peer only meetings. The second type of meetings have the focus child in attendance. Some meetings are meant to be fun social times, so you can play games, have snacks, take a walk around school, play a game in the gym, go on a scavenger hunt,  have a Youtube video contest...anything the children would enjoy. Other meetings should have social skill lesson components based on the needs of the focus students.  For example, if students were struggling with appropriate social media use, a facilitator might teach a lesson on that topic at one of the meetings. There are ideas facilitators have shared in the 'Ideas and Resources' and 'Success Stories' on this site. There are also meeting ideas in the book, With Open Arms: Creating School Communities of Support for Socially Challenged Kids and in the 'Ideas and Resources' link of this site.


Click here for examples of meeting and activity schedules:


Sample Semester High School Meeting and Activity Schedule


Sample Semester Elementary Meeting Schedule

Q: Do I have to do out of school activities with my Circle?

A: Some facilitators choose to do this, but it's not required and completely up to the facilitator. Some facilitators choose to do entirely school based activities such as social lunches, games at recess, or perhaps a home sporting event. Others may lead off campus outings. That's entirely up to the individual(s) leading the Circles. The main reason to have a Circle is to promote positive social interactions and practice social skills. This can be done both on or off campus.

Q: Should parents be notified their child is participating in a Circle?

A: The focus child's parents should be notified and permission obtained. This is especially important if you will be sharing information about the focus child's specific disability with their peers. If the parent does not want a Circle of Friends for their child, then you will not be able to do it. However, this is quite rare and parents are usually very grateful. It is becoming more common for parents to actually request a Circle be implemented for their child as part of their IEP. It is also a good idea to notify the parents of the peers. They, too, are often eager for their children to participate since this activity promotes service to others, a value for many parents today. Click on the 'Paperwork' link for parent permission forms.

Q: What if a student's parents want a Circle of Friends but do not want their child identified to peers as having autism?

A: You can still do a Circle of Friends without specifically identifying a student as having a particular disability. It is recommended whether or not you disclose a specific disability, you do some type of 'We all have strengths/We all have challenges' lesson with your CoF group. The purpose is to point out similarities and that we are all more alike than we are different. Try to avoid your peers thinking their job is to "fix" the focus student. 

Q: What if my focus student doesn't want a Circle of Friends?

A: This isn't very common, but it can happen.  It can be a big step out of their comfort zone to all of a sudden be "forced" to engage in conversations and interact with other children. However, kids don't always know what's best for them...we make kids try broccoli, don't we?  If the parents have agreed, then you've got the green light to move forward. You may say something to the focus child such as, "I know you like being alone and are o.k. not talking or playing with the other kids, but your parents and teachers think it would be a good thing for you. I know it might be hard at first, but the other kids really want to get to know you better. I promise I'll help you so it won't be so tough". 

Q: My focus student has behavioral goals and is on a behavior plan. My general education co-workers are critical of me when he is allowed to attend CoF meetings and functions. They believe he is being rewarded for poor behavior. What should I do?

A: CoF is an intervention designed to improve social skills, behavior, and to foster true social inclusion. Some CoF facilitators write CoF as an intervention or strategy in a student's IEP as a way to deliver services and meet annual goals. Using CoF as a reward/punishment would be like taking a remedial reading class away from a struggling reader when he/she is not behaving in class. Silly, right? Consider educating your peers. While CoF looks (and is!) fun for children, there's a lot more involved than having a good time. It is a way to deliver educational services. And, if it's in the IEP, it's not an option to eliminate the intervention. 

Q: We have a larger size group and our peer mentors this year tend to hang with their own clique of friends at our meetings and aren't interacting with the focus student(s). 

A: This happened to us so we planned for a 'peer only' meeting. At this meeting we did two things. First, we went over the specific expectations for our mentors. We told them it was fine if they didn't think they'd be able to meet these expectations, but if they couldn't, then Circle of Friends might not be for them at this time. Then, we put together a presentation on the focus students' strengths, challenges, and specific ways they could interact with them despite their sometimes odd behaviors. We reassured them that it might feel odd at first, but that the focus students enjoyed the interactions and they'd get comfortable with it as time went on. Always, if sharing diagnoses with peers, i.e. autism, be sure to get parent permission. 

Other questions? You might find an answer in the training webinars on the 'About COF' page.