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Supporting Healthy Relationships for Teens
A Guide for Parents & Caregivers
As a trusted adult, you play a critical role in helping young people understand what healthy relationships look like. This guide will help you recognize the signs of potentially unhealthy or abusive relationships and give you the tools to support the teens in your life.
Understanding Teen Dating Violence
Teen dating violence is a pattern of behavior where one adolescent in a romantic (or formerly romantic) relationship uses intimidation, threats, or physical, emotional, or sexual abuse to gain power and control over their partner. Violence often starts early:
More than 70% of women and 60% of men who experience intimate partner violence are first harmed before age 25.
1 in 4 women first experience intimate partner or dating violence before age 18.
Warning Signs in a Relationship
Keep an eye out for unhealthy behaviors between teen dating partners such as:
Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
Controlling behavior
Isolation from friends and family
Blaming or manipulation
Sudden anger or mood changes
Pressure to have sex
Threats, intimidation, or physical harm
Name calling, put-downs or harassment
Signs a Teen May Need Support
A teen may be in an unhealthy relationship if you notice:
Sudden change in behavior or dress
Withdrawal or secrecy
Mood swings or increased anxiety
Loss of friendships
Unexplained injuries
Fearfulness
Excessive texting or being constantly monitored
Talking to Teens About Relationships
One of the most powerful tools you have is your voice. If you are concerned that a teen may be in an unhealthy relationship, start a conversation, and remember to:
Stay calm and listen without judgment
Communicate with empathy and respect
Take their relationship and experience seriously
Talk about relationships they see at home, online, or in media
Ask open-ended questions about their relationships
Keep the conversation ongoing, not just one time
Share youth friendly resources such as hotline numbers, or websites where they can go for more information such as Love is Respect or Check for Respect.
If you are a mandated reporter, be upfront about your legal obligation to report abuse.
Talking to teens about relationships may feel awkward and uncomfortable, but they are critical. Starting these conversations makes it more likely a teen will come to you if they need help.
One of the most common problems is that people experiencing violence often think it is normal or they deserve it: we call this victim blaming. It is so important that we counter any myths or self-blame that youth bring up. Please see below for additional resources for adults and teenagers.
Where to go for Help
California Parent & Youth Helpline
Free trauma-informed support from trained counselors.
Call or text 855.427.2736
Chat: caparentyouthhelpline.org
Love Is Respect
24/7 information, support, and advocacy for youth, their friends, family and teachers, with questions or concerns about their romantic relationship.
Call: 1.866.331.9474
Chat: loveisrespect.org
Text: LOVEIS to 22522
National Domestic Violence Hotline
A 24/7 hotline providing tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence.
Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Chat: thehotline.org
Text: START to 88788
Teen Line
A text and call line run by teens for teens.
Call: 1.800.852.8336 nationwide, from 6-10 PM PST
TEXT: TEEN to 839863, from 6-9PM PST
What to Expect When You Call a Hotline
If you are concerned that a teen or young adult in your life may be experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you do not have to navigate the situation alone. Trained advocates are available to answer questions; provide guidance and help you determine how to support the young person in your life.
When you contact a hotline, you can expect:
A trained advocate will listen without judgement
Privacy and confidentiality. You can share as much or as little information as you feel comfortable sharing.
Information and resources. Advocates can answer questions and offer guidance on how to best support a young person who may be experiencing abuse.
Support at your own pace. You can end the conversation at any time.
Remember, you do not need to wait for a crisis to reach out. Hotlines can help provide advice and guidance on how to start a conversation with teens.
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