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What is Teen Dating Violence?
Teen Dating Violence (TDV) is abuse that happens in young people’s romantic relationships. It is a pattern of behavior where one person uses intimidation, threats of, or actual physical, emotional, or sexual violence in order to maintain power and control over their partner.
Let’s Check On It:
Relationship Quiz
Are you and your partner honest with one another?
Does your partner check your phone or social media accounts without your permission?
Does your partner value your opinion and feelings about things?
Does your partner put you down frequently?
Does your partner honor your time with friends and family or when you want to be alone?
Can you speak openly and honestly with your partner?
Are mood swings, explosive outbursts, or a temper frequent behaviors for your partner?
Does your partner respect and listen when you say no?
Do you and your partner respect one another’s boundaries?
Does your partner pressure you to have sex or do things you’re uncomfortable with?
Does your partner make you feel good about yourself?
If you answered yes to all the green, your relationship has green flags!
If you answered yes to any red questions, you might be in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship.
Talk to a friend, trusted adult, or call a hotline. Love shouldn’t hurt.
Respect
What is Respect?
Respect means acting in ways that show that you value yourself and your partner.
In a dating relationship, respect means both partners are equal—no one holds power or control over the other.
It shows up through honesty, listening, kindness, and honoring each other’s boundaries.
What is Self-Respect?
Self-respect is about valuing yourself and taking care of your mind and body. It means holding your own standards and making choices that support your wellbeing, like eating well, moving your body, learning new things, going to therapy, or practicing your faith.
What does an unhealthy relationship look and feel like?
Your partner or friend...
Calls you names
Makes you think you’re crazy (gaslighting)
Plays mind games
Makes you feel guilty
Bosses you around
Pressures you to do things you aren’t comfortable with
Controls what you do
Isolates you from friends and family activities
You feel...
Disrespected
Bad about yourself
Unsafe
Trapped
Insecure
Like you will never be enough
What does a healthy relationship look and feel like?
Your partner or friend...
Is supportive of the things that you do
Encourages you to try new things
Likes to listen when you have something on your mind
Understands that you have your own life too
Appreciates your friends and you having friend time
You feel...
Safe
Comfortable being your full self
Valued
Respected
Able to Disagree
Consent
Healthy relationships are all about consent.
Consent is a voluntary agreement to engage in sexual or physical activity.
Consent is...
YES means YES
Based on choice and equal power
Freely given permission
Active, not passive
Consent is NOT when a person is...
Under the influence of drugs or alcohol
Under force or coercion
Threatened or blackmailed
Asleep or unconscious
Not capable of understanding what consent means
Silence is not consent!
Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries help define what you are comfortable with and how you want to be treated. A boundary is a rule you set for yourself, not for someone else.
Boundaries help us better understand ourselves and recognize when we are being treated in a way that we don’t like. When you feel like that rule has been broken by someone, that is when you explain that you feel hurt or distance yourself from the relationship.
“I want to hang out, but I need space sometimes.”
“I’m okay holding hands, but I’m not ready for more.”
“Let’s both keep our passwords private.”
Relationships aren’t perfect! We all make mistakes. In healthy relationships, we hold each other accountable, apologize, and change the behavior.
WARNING: Boundaries can be weaponized when they are misunderstood.
Need Support?
You’re Not Alone.
If you can’t call a friend, family member, or trusted mentor, below are numbers you can call or text to speak to a caring, trained counselor.
Love Is Respect
A 24/7 confidential line for teens, young adults, and their loved ones seeking help, resources, or information related to healthy relationships and dating abuse
CALL: 1-866-331-9474
TEXT: LOVEIS to 22522
CHAT: loveisrespect.org
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988
Teen Line
A text and call line run by teens for teens
Call 800-852-8336 nationwide, from 6-10 pm PST
Text TEEN to 839863, from 6-9 pm PST
What to expect when you reach out to a hotline:
You’ll be asked to answer some basic questions about who you are and what you are going through.
You’ll be connected to a trained counselor who will listen to you without judgment.
All your messages are anonymous, and you can share as much or as little as you like.
You’ll receive individual support. You can hang up or end the chat at any point.
If there is a wait, try a calming exercise to help you breathe and focus.
Be proud of yourself! Asking for help is courageous and powerful.
Relationship Quiz Source: Sojourn House thepeopleconcern.org/sojourn
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