Because when I said I love you I mean that I loved you the way that the tides love the moon

Falling so easily to their whims

When I said I loved you I meant that I loved you the way the tides love the shore

Always reaching for it no matter how much it doesn’t love them back

When I said I loved you I meant that I loved the way the sun glints off of your hair on a sunny day

When I said I loved you I mean that I loved the way your smile makes me feel inside

But you still do not hear me when I say that I love you

I have been saying that I love you long before I vocalized it

I said I love you in the way that I memorized your coffee order

I said I love you in the way that I memorized how you eat your eggs in the morning

Scrambled with cheese and salt and pepper

I said I loved you when I fell asleep in your arms not having to be worried about attacking you in my sleep

I said I loved you when I cuddled beneath the blanket with you

I said I loved you in the moments where we watched movies together

Your face fascinated by the movie as I stared at you imagining a new story

I could have watched the movie in your irises

I said I loved you when you caught me staring and asked me what I was doing

And my only response was falling in love with you but instead I kept quiet and smiled

But you still do not understand that when I say I love you I mean that I would hold up the weight of the sky for you

I mean that I would not die for you. Because you make me want to live

When I say that I love you I mean that I want to spend every day for the rest of my life by your side

I mean that I would live everyday like it was my last

Because when do we ever feel the most alive if not when we are on the brink of death

But you still do not understand me when I say I love you

So for the 400th and something time, you listen and you listen closely

I love you

I have dreamed about you all night

Created a fantasy of what you might be like

From your kind smile to you calloused hands I have thought of it all

Well nearly all of you

The color of your skin still escapes me

The warmth of your eyes still leave me wondering

The color of your hair is something I just can’t seem to grasp

Like my hand reaching for the rail off a lighthouse surrounded by storms

But aside from that I can describe you so well you will wonder if I have already met you

I know that your eyes will always put me at peace

I know that your hands will hold me softly

I know that your laughter will shape my world

I know that I will love learning new things about you

Like a lighthouse guiding a ship, its light will shine upon each thing that brings you closer to me

I know that in a sea of the undiscovered you will always be my ship

Even on the days that I do not know how to sail out to meet you

In this world, we are a nursery rhyme.

But we are not one of the pretty ones

We are not Cinderella and her Prince Charming

We are not Snow White and Prince Florian

Instead we are “Hey, diddle, diddle”

Instead we are the cow that jumped over the moon

Our cat was a small rock on the playground

It marked where we met everyday without fail

Our fiddle was the bars on the drain

It’s metal ping was how we made music

And when I jumped, oh how I jumped

Because you were my moon

“Do you love me?” I have asked this same question once, twice, everytime I see you

“I love you like the tide loves the moon.” You would say

And I would swoon. “Do you love me?”

“I love you like the clouds love the sky.” You would utter

And I would fall even more in love. “Do you love me?”

“I love you like the farmer loves his cow.” You would say and I would pause.

“Do you love me?” I would say hoping for, praying for a different answer

But no, you only loved me so much as I was useful.

So much as I could provide meat for your meals

And skin for your warmth.

So much as I could cook and clean

I was your cow, so like a cow when I saw the bright light of the moon.

I jumped over it

And away from you.

To mouth the syllables of your name

Resonates in a phantom pain

That lingers in the hollow of my soul

You have left me without warmth like dying coal

My limbs freeze as they stretch to find the last of your embrace

The way your fingers lingered on my arm were worthy of praise

And as the cold bites at my heart

The syllables of your name are all that I can part

To be loved by someone is the greatest honor I know