Because when I said I love you I mean that I loved you the way that the tides love the moon
Falling so easily to their whims
When I said I loved you I meant that I loved you the way the tides love the shore
Always reaching for it no matter how much it doesn’t love them back
When I said I loved you I meant that I loved the way the sun glints off of your hair on a sunny day
When I said I loved you I mean that I loved the way your smile makes me feel inside
But you still do not hear me when I say that I love you
I have been saying that I love you long before I vocalized it
I said I love you in the way that I memorized your coffee order
I said I love you in the way that I memorized how you eat your eggs in the morning
Scrambled with cheese and salt and pepper
I said I loved you when I fell asleep in your arms not having to be worried about attacking you in my sleep
I said I loved you when I cuddled beneath the blanket with you
I said I loved you in the moments where we watched movies together
Your face fascinated by the movie as I stared at you imagining a new story
I could have watched the movie in your irises
I said I loved you when you caught me staring and asked me what I was doing
And my only response was falling in love with you but instead I kept quiet and smiled
But you still do not understand that when I say I love you I mean that I would hold up the weight of the sky for you
I mean that I would not die for you. Because you make me want to live
When I say that I love you I mean that I want to spend every day for the rest of my life by your side
I mean that I would live everyday like it was my last
Because when do we ever feel the most alive if not when we are on the brink of death
But you still do not understand me when I say I love you
So for the 400th and something time, you listen and you listen closely
I love you
I have dreamed about you all night
Created a fantasy of what you might be like
From your kind smile to you calloused hands I have thought of it all
Well nearly all of you
The color of your skin still escapes me
The warmth of your eyes still leave me wondering
The color of your hair is something I just can’t seem to grasp
Like my hand reaching for the rail off a lighthouse surrounded by storms
But aside from that I can describe you so well you will wonder if I have already met you
I know that your eyes will always put me at peace
I know that your hands will hold me softly
I know that your laughter will shape my world
I know that I will love learning new things about you
Like a lighthouse guiding a ship, its light will shine upon each thing that brings you closer to me
I know that in a sea of the undiscovered you will always be my ship
Even on the days that I do not know how to sail out to meet you
In this world, we are a nursery rhyme.
But we are not one of the pretty ones
We are not Cinderella and her Prince Charming
We are not Snow White and Prince Florian
Instead we are “Hey, diddle, diddle”
Instead we are the cow that jumped over the moon
Our cat was a small rock on the playground
It marked where we met everyday without fail
Our fiddle was the bars on the drain
It’s metal ping was how we made music
And when I jumped, oh how I jumped
Because you were my moon
“Do you love me?” I have asked this same question once, twice, everytime I see you
“I love you like the tide loves the moon.” You would say
And I would swoon. “Do you love me?”
“I love you like the clouds love the sky.” You would utter
And I would fall even more in love. “Do you love me?”
“I love you like the farmer loves his cow.” You would say and I would pause.
“Do you love me?” I would say hoping for, praying for a different answer
But no, you only loved me so much as I was useful.
So much as I could provide meat for your meals
And skin for your warmth.
So much as I could cook and clean
I was your cow, so like a cow when I saw the bright light of the moon.
I jumped over it
And away from you.
To mouth the syllables of your name
Resonates in a phantom pain
That lingers in the hollow of my soul
You have left me without warmth like dying coal
My limbs freeze as they stretch to find the last of your embrace
The way your fingers lingered on my arm were worthy of praise
And as the cold bites at my heart
The syllables of your name are all that I can part
To be loved by someone is the greatest honor I know